One of the great gifts which human beings are blessed with is
the ability to forget. Normal people cope with a tremendous
amount of pain and suffering, yet do not dwell on it, and
learn to live with it after a while, and in time, the pain of
the loss of a loved one, or the trauma of a physical injury,
fades. Women willingly enter into childbirth, having
`forgotten' the previous discomfort. We rejoice at times of
celebration, and mourn at tragedies which befall us. Although
for us the world seems to have come to an end at these times
of trauma, human nature recovers, and then remembers the
happy times, the joyful times.
Is this why we look back to our youth and childhood as a
blissful time, when the sun always shone? A time when all our
needs were cared for, and we had no worries or
responsibilites. Was life really so idyllic?
Children have their share of pain and sorrow. A child takes a
cardboard box and calls it his car or his boat. He may spend
much time playing inside this `boat' or pushing it around
into various positions for other members of the family to
fall over. One day, his mother throws it out while he is at
school. The child is devastated; it was his precious boat.
How would his mother feel if someone threw out her sewing
machine?
The family is sitting round the table and one child refuses
to eat. She does NOT like what is on her plate. Mother says,
"You have to eat a tiny bit of it." But she doesn't want to
eat even a tiny bit. The more she is told to eat it, the
worse, in her imagination, is the taste. Nobody forces the
adults to eat!
Life at school is not always a bed of roses. Even the best of
children come up against trouble sometimes, be it a class
bully or a best friend who chooses someone else as a best
friend. A mislaid exercise book can be a terrible source of
worry. And how about the frustration of a girl who is not too
skillful with a needle and is made to undo stitch after
stitch which took her hours to sew. Not to mention the
teacher's sarcastic remarks which accompany the command.
Little children, before the age of about seven, do not really
know when they have a problem. They take life as it comes. In
the same way as party `magicians' will not perform to a very
young audience because they do not know that rabbits cannot
be produced out of a hat and therefore will not applaud his
tricks, a child does not know that he has a snappish mother.
He may not be very happy, but he has no yardstick with which
to compare his life to that of other children. At this age,
parents and teachers have to be extra vigilant to sort out
the child's problems, that is, assuming that they are not the
cause of the problem! In the case of the aforementioned
mother, the father will have to try and cushion his life a
little. Children do not dwell on their woes at this age, and
are easily distracted. Nevertheless, not all children have a
blissful and carefree life.
Older children whose social life is so important to them have
very real problems. Their emotions are still immature and
they have not yet learned the coping strategies which adults
have at their disposal. At this age, many of them believe
that they cannot discuss things with their parents and they
feel totally at a loss. Most sensitive adults, if they are
honest with themselves, can think of occasions during their
teens when everything was wrong with their lives and nobody
understood them.
We all have selective memories and, as mentioned before,
remember only the good things. We have forgotten how
rebellious we felt, how angry, how misunderstood. We have
forgotten the often less-than- perfect report card we
presented to irate parents. There are many help lines open to
teenagers nowadays, but shouldn't there be a relationship
with a mother or father so that the child would not have to
turn to strangers who do not know him or his background at
all? If only they would remember their own childhood.
One counselor told me that when a youngster comes to her with
problems, she often feels that the parents would be better
equipped to solve this problem. She remarked that the fact
that the child knew that there would be complete
confidentiality, and that she was talking to a stranger who
was prepared to listen, went a long way towards solving the
problem. Parents are not usually prepared or even able to
listen without voicing any criticism. It is easy in theory,
practically impossible in practice.
Siblings may remember an incident from their early childhood
or from their teens in a completely different way. One might
feel that it was a traumatic experience, the other might
remember it as a pleasant, exciting experience. This largely
depends on the child's nature and not on the actual event.
For instance, one child who gets lost in a shop may panic
till he finds the parent. He will remember the event for
years. The other might wander around in complete unconcern
till the parent locates him. One sister remembers the time
when she dropped four trays of eggs and the terrible
consequences. The other sister claims that it was someone
else who dropped the eggs and nobody raised their voice in
recrimination. As there is nobody else alive who remembers
the incident, each sister is left with her own memory!
Adults have problems as do children, and the best years of
our lives are what we make of them. Would healthy- minded
adults really wish to revert to childhood? Is it not
wonderful to be a young, busy mother with never enough time
for everything which needs doing, and never enough sleep?
Middle age has compensations, too, when you get a full
night's sleep and watch and guide your children as they make
their way into adulthood. Life is not meant to be pure bliss,
yet we thank our Maker each day for the amazing gift of life,
whatever age we are. The writer personally feels that the
best years of life are
NOW.
