This shmuess was delivered by Rosh Yeshivas Ponovezh
zt"l before the kollel students of his yeshiva on 26
Elul
5756. Our version is based on notes taken by one of the
participants.
Though the remarks were delivered in
preparation for Rosh Hashana,
they are important the year
round.
It is now only a few days
before Rosh Hashanah, before Yom
Hadin, our day of judgment.
We are all going to be
judged, but it will not be an ordinary
judgment. The judgment
will be made by the King of Kings. It would be
natural for us
to be overwhelmed by fear of our judgment -- eimas
hadin -- and to be doing all we can to emerge triumphant.
The
fact is that, nevertheless, we are not doing proper
teshuvoh.
Why is this?
"When R' Yochanan ben Zakkai became [terminally] ill,
his
talmidim came to visit him. They found him crying. His
talmidim said to him: `Light of Yisroel, pillar of the
right
hand [side], strong hammer! Why are you crying?' He
answered them:
`If they were bringing me before a flesh-and-
blood king who is alive
today but tomorrow is in the grave,
then if he became angry with me
his anger would not be
eternal; if he imprisoned me his imprisonment
would not be
eternal; if he killed me the death he imparted would not
be
eternal; and I could appease him with [fair] speech and bribe
him
with money. Yet all the same I would still cry.
"`Now that they
are bringing me before the King of Kings, Who
is eternal, and if He
is angry with me His anger is eternal,
if He imprisons me His
imprisonment is eternal, if He kills
me the death He imparts is
eternal, and I cannot appease him
with words nor bribe Him with money
-- should I not cry? What
is more, there are two ways before me, one
to Gan Eden
and the other to Gehennom, and I do not
know which
they are bringing me to. Should I not cry?'"
(Brochos
28b).
This needs to be explained. Why did his
talmidim ask
him "Why are you crying?" Did they not know that
each person
is destined to be judged before the Throne of Glory, with
two
possible outcomes? It should have been obvious that someone
in
such a condition, who understands that he will soon be
judged by the
Creator and does not know what his judgment
will be, would be worried
and would cry with fear.
We must conclude that R' Yochanan's
talmidim
maintained that there is a level of tzaddik
and
oveid Hashem in which the person can make a self-
evaluation and determine that he has no sin. He can check
himself
thoroughly and know that he will be triumphant in his
judgment. Such
a person has no reason at all to fear or to
cry. This is what his
talmidim told him: "Light of
Yisroel, pillar of the right hand
[side], strong hammer! Why
are you crying?" Undoubtedly, they
asked, R' Yochanan,
who was the "light of Yisroel, pillar of the
right hand
[side], strong hammer," had reached this sublime level and
was an absolute tzaddik. If so, why was he afraid and
crying
out of eimas hadin?
His talmidim apparently asked a
good question. What
did R' Yochanan answer?
R' Yochanan gave them
two answers.
First, he answered, one should not presume that the
whole
concept of eimas hadin arises only from consideration
of the result of the judgment: what Hashem will decree
for
man [since R' Yochanan should have been assured of the
positive
outcome of his judgment]. The truth is that even if
someone is
certain he has not sinned and is not afraid to
lose out in his
judgment, he should still be terrified.
The knowledge that one
will be judged by the divine King of
Kings and not by a mortal king,
is sufficient to terrify a
person even before his sentence is
decreed. The awareness of
being in such a condition is frightening;
it obligates him to
be fearful and to cry even if he has no concern
whether he
will, chas vesholom, not be found meritorious in
the
coming sentence.
R' Yochanan added that he also in fact
challenged their
question from the start, since it was based upon
their
confidence that he would emerge triumphant in his judgment.
R'
Yochanan answered that he was not so sure of the sentence
he would
receive, and the truth was that "there are two ways
before me, one to
Gan Eden and the other to
Gehennom, and I do not know
which they are bringing me
to. Should I not cry?" Although his
talmidim were
certain that he did not need to be worried about
his
sentence, nonetheless R' Yochanan himself disagreed. He was
troubled about his judgment, since "there is no
tzaddik upon
earth who does good and does not sin"
(Koheles 7:20).
He
specifically said to them "what is more, there are
two ways
before me" -- this was an additional reason for his
crying. First he
cried because he was being judged by the
King of Kings -- enough
reason in itself to be terrified and
to cry. Furthermore, he was
afraid because he did not know
what his sentence would really be. He
had two reasons to fear
HaKodosh Boruch Hu's sentence, each of
which by itself
was enough to alarm him.
Another explanation can
be given for R' Yochanan's saying
"what is more, there are two ways
before me." The first
reason was enough to make him fearful and for
him to cry and
pour out his heart. Undoubtedly for this reason alone
he did
thorough teshuvoh before his Creator. As a result, he
should not have had anything to fear any more. He had already
reached the level of eimas hadin and complete
teshuvoh
that assures a person's being zakkai
in his judgment.
R'
Yochanan therefore used the words "what is more" -- to say
that even
after all this he still had eimas hadin.
Even after crying and
repenting from the depths of his heart,
no one can be sure that he
can withstand the demanding
judgment and the requirements for
teshuvoh exacted by
the King of Kings. R' Yochanan still saw
two ways before
him.
From this account about R' Yochanan we see
the real meaning
of the concept of eimas hadin. How can we
justify it
that although we are near Rosh Hashanah we do not feel the
intensity of eimas hadin and the depths of Divine
judgment?
@Big Let Body=Everyone should know and understand
what
spiritual levels a person can attain by doing
teshuvoh.
On the other hand, one should also be aware
how much, chas
vesholom, a person is liable to lose at
every step if he does not
do teshuvoh.
"How splendid is the attribute of
teshuvoh! Yesterday
he was alienated from Hashem, Elokei
Yisroel, as it is
written, `your sins have separated between you
and your
Elokim' (Yeshaya 59:2). He would cry out and not be
answered, as it is written, `When you pray abundantly I will
not
hear' (Yeshaya 2:15). He does mitzvos and they are
torn to
pieces, as it is written, `Who asked this of you, to
trample My
courts?' (Yeshaya 2:12), `O that there were
even one among you
that would shut the doors, that you might
not kindle fire on My altar
in vain!' (Malachi
1:10).
"Today [i.e., after
teshuvoh] he is close to the
Shechina, as it is
written, `you who cling to Hashem,
your Elokim, are all alive today'
(Devorim 4:4). He
cries out and is immediately answered, as it
is written, `It
shall come to pass that before they call I will
answer'
(Yeshaya 65:24). He does mitzvos and they are accepted
easily and joyfully, as it is written, `for Hashem has
already
accepted your deeds' (Koheles 9:7). Not only
that but they are
cherished, as it is written, `Then shall
the offering of Yehuda and
Yerushalayim be pleasant unto
Hashem as in the days of old, and as in
ancient years'
(Malachi 3:4)" (Rambam, Hilchos Teshuva
4:4).
Let us reflect on what the Rambam writes. It is simply
frightening! If one does proper teshuvoh he is
privileged to
a whole list of wonderful and tremendous
spiritual gains, of which
his prayers being immediately
answered is just one. On the other
hand, if he has not done
proper teshuvoh there are stumbling
blocks at every
step: "He does mitzvos and they are torn to
pieces"!
This is relevant to each one of us. Many ask, and do not
understand, why they have disturbances in their Torah study
and
their mitzvah fulfillment. They feel that they want to
study
diligently and analyze what they are studying, to pray
as is fitting,
with kavonoh and yir'oh, to be
meticulous in fulfilling
mitzvos, but all sorts of
interferences and distractions prevent them
from doing so.
The Rambam teaches us that not doing
teshuvoh hinders
our being able to concentrate properly in our
Torah study and
fulfill the mitzvos thoroughly. As long as a person
has not
properly done teshuvoh, even though he truly "does
mitzvos" (since the Rambam refers to someone who wants to do
mitzvos
and starts doing them), "they are torn to pieces"
since he did not
yet do teshuvoh.
Woe to us, that Rosh Hashanah is so close
but we are so far
from doing teshuvoh. May Hashem have mercy
on us, that
we may be privileged to do complete
teshuvoh.
