This article may not be read or internalized by the parents
and teachers who need it most. However, if even one parent or
teacher realizes how cruel it is to pressure young children,
especially in the first three grades, to achieve academic
success, then it will not have been written in vain.
I'll get right to the point: the physcial and mental
health of our children is being damaged by inappropriate
pressure to succeed, where it exists. Where grades are
stressed rather than middos, children internalize the
message: "Only the brightest are worthy of honor and praise."
I am seeing children as young as seven with symptoms of Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) similar to those who have
suffered in terrorist attacks. They suffer from food
disorders, poor concentration, anxiety disorders, lack of
self worth (even suicidal thoughts), sleep disturbances,
night terrors, hypersensitivity, loss of motivation, numbing
of the emotions and withdrawal from social activities. They
present with somatic complaints of which doctors can find no
source, such as heart palpitations, digestive distress,
insomnia, muscular tension, tremors and twitches. These are
signs of severe emotional distress.
These children have not been attacked by Arab terrorists.
What has caused all this damage is the relentless criticism
and pressure on them to achieve academically at far too young
an age, by both teachers and parents. The atmosphere in the
first three grades in some schools is more appropriate for
high school students. In these grades, children do not retain
much factual information (how much do YOU remember from your
school years?). What they do remember is the emotional
atmosphere, which becomes the foundation for their sense of
self-worth and love of learning for the rest of their lives.
Instead, some schools do the opposite -- destroy self-worth
and the natural love of learning through a barrage of tests,
punishments and threats, including the threat of not getting
into a `good' yeshiva or seminary or not getting a `good'
shidduch.
Children do not need to be pushed to learn any more than they
need to be pushed to sit up and walk during their first year
of life. By nature, all children love to learn and they all
want to succeed. But when children are coerced into doing
something which is beyond their capacity, desire or interest,
they lose motivation and hate the very activities they would
love to do if the task had been presented differently. A
joyless atmosphere in the classroom is counter-productive to
the development of self-worth and love of learning, except
for the very brightest students.
Many children have different learning styles (right brain,
artistic etc.) which cause them to feel bored and
uncomfortable in a traditional classroom. Those who don't
achieve "start status" often feel like dummies, and are
sometimes shamed, humiliated, punished and rejected at home
and/or at school. This abuse leaves permanent damage,
mentally and physically.
Among the effects which are seen in some children:
1. WEAKENED IMMUNE SYSTEM. The level of T-killer cells (the
ones which fight infections) is reduced for up to six hours
after a hostile attack by a parent or teacher. Even if a
child only witnesses the attack, he may be adversely
affected. A critical atmosphere in the home or school means
children get sick more often and that these illnesses last
longer.
2. ADD SYMPTOMS AND MORE. Until age 9, children need 13-14
hours of sleep. Until age 18, they need 9-10 hours of sleep.
The average adult needs 7 1/2 - 8 1/2 hours of sleep to
function well. The reaction time of a sleep-deprived person
is similar to that of someone who is drunk! Children don't
sleep as long or as deeply when they are tense. Many ADD and
ADHD symptoms (impulsivity, lack of concentration,
distractivity and disorganization) disappear when a child
simply gets more sleep. Recent research shows a connection
between inadequate sleep and diabetes and obesity. Older
children are often up very late at night trying to finish
homework, especially during traumatic test periods.
3. CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM DAMAGE. Children who have hot-
tempered parents or teachers may suffer nightmares and awaken
complaining of stomach or head aches. No wonder. When a
teacher or parent is enraged, the child's body reacts with an
adrenaline surge as if he were being attacked:
* elevated glucose and cholesterol levels
* rise in blood pressure and accelerated heart rate
* decreased blood flow to major arteries, such as to heart
and stomach
Over time, excess adrenaline damages the body, especially the
organs of the circulatory, nervous and digestive systems. The
sudden appearance of asthma in my 4th grader alerted me to
the fact that something was very wrong with his rebbe. I
discovered that this man was a `rageholic', often smiling,
but prone to explosive rages, calling children names and
inflicting humilating punishments on them, which the children
were too ashamed to talk about. The asthma disappeared when
the teacher left the school rather abruptly -- to the relief
of many. It has never reappeared since. (When I ask mothers
how they can justify sending little children each day to
abusive teachers, they say, "It's a good preparation for
life." Nonsense! It's a preparation for a life of abuse, not
mental health!)
4. MOOD DISORDERS. Stress hormones also damage the portion of
the brain known as the limbic system, whose job is to
maintain emotional stability. These hormones erase essential
neuro-transmitters (especially serotonin) which control
concentration and memory. [This is why people who have
undergone a trauma such as a crime, terrorist attack or
accident (even childbirth) often complain that they cannot
concentrate or remember.] So the child who is yelled at for
getting poor marks will do even worse academically. Then
doctors prescribe anti-depressive and anti-anxiety
medication, which is needed to boost serotonin uptake! By
putting children in stress-filled classrooms, we are
predisposing them to addictions, depression, anxiety and
impulsive aggression. When a formerly happy child suddenly
undergoes a personality change after spending hours with a
hostile teacher, it may indicate permanent limbic system
damage. Their distress is often expressed in eating
disorders, bed-wetting, nightmares, chronic stomach and
headaches, anxiety attacks, depression and OCD (Obsessive
Compulsive Disorders).
5. LIES, CHEATING AND DECEPTION. When adults use grades to
measure a person's worth, even young children cheat and lie
to avoid being punished or rejected. Children learn to lie,
to themselves as well.
6. LACK OF SELF ESTEEM. Until the age of nine, a child cannot
distinguish between his actions and his essence. If scolded,
he assumes, "If I did something bad, I AM bad." When a young
child is criticized for poor grades, something over which he
has no control, he develops a negative self image, which
influences every aspect of his life. Children who think thay
are `garbage' because they get poor grades (and many have
told me that this is how they feel) lose motivation and faith
in themselves and in Hashem. ("I'm not worthy of being loved
by Hashem or man.") It is almost impossible to change a
deeply fixed self image after the age of twelve.
Academic success is not a good predictor of how well children
do in life. But their self image is! No wonder that we are
witnessing such a surge in spouse and child abuse in our
community and so many singles. People who feel like failures
treat others as failures.
7. DISTORTED VALUE SYSTEM. The Torah preaches that we should
help others, not kick them -- literally or figuratively. Some
schools are geared to the top 10-15%. Parents, teachers and
principals must get their priorities straight. Children need
to be cooperative, not competitive. They learn far better in
a happy, relaxed atmosphere. All children will automatically
do their best, without being terrorized, if they are given
enthusiastic encouragement.
Bright children need to be told that their brilliance is a
gift from Hashem, and they should not flaunt or use it as a
weapon to hurt those who are not as gifted. Teachers can give
these children extra credit for work they do on their own and
not single them out for all the rewards. It is the teacher's
job to show each child that he can contribute in his own way
and to reward him for his effort, not grades.
Obviously, discipline is essential. However, the goal of
discipline is always to remind the child of his essential G-
dliness. A hot-tempered, punitive teacher who does not know
how to control himself or gain cooperation in a creative
manner should not be teaching!
Children need warmth, loving encouragement and time to play.
Yet each year, some kids are under more pressure to
accomplish, as if they are in some kind of intellectual
Olympics race. This does nothing but teach them to run after
kovod at all costs. When I ask principals about the
devastating pressure on children, they tell me, "But the
parents insist on the highest standards!" With the standards
rising every year, fewer children are able to feel confident
and competent.
Please do not put your head in the sand. Changes can be made.
Cheers to those parents, teachers and principals who have the
courage to fight this wrong value system and put the emphasis
where it belongs -- on middos, not marks.
Simcha is a sign of mental health. Where it is
lacking, something is very wrong.
