The Chovos Halevovos explains that the reason why
children are beset with childhood diseases and painful
afflictions such as teething is so that they should learn at
an early age that life is not a `bed of roses.'
There is a lot of talk these days about how important it is
to be thinking about and doing teshuva and coming
closer to Hashem. Many of us busy housewives may be
wondering: How? What more can I possibly be doing, and where
will I find the time to do it? Time towards one thing is
always time away from something else, if the time is not
running away from us altogether.
An old story tells of a princess who was so spoiled that when
a pea was hidden under the pile of mattresses she had on her
bed, she felt its bump and it made her so uncomfortable she
couldn't sleep all night. Generally, she was always unhappy
and in a bad mood despite the luxuries her father, the king,
lavished on her.
Some people think that pampering a child and providing him
with luxuries will make the child happier. This fairy tale
illustrates how it can actually make a child more unhappy.
Neurologically, there is a simple mechanism that explains
this apparent contradiction. Sensory organs inform the brain
of changes of stimulation. If a sensory organ is subjected to
a continuous, unchanging stimulus, after a while it will stop
sending any messages to the brain and the person will cease
to become aware of the stimulus.
For example, we `forget' about continual background noise and
also the eyes are continually moving to ensure that the image
on each retina is constantly changing; if you succeed in
focusing your eyes on one point and prevent the eyes from
moving, after a few moments the image will begin to break up
and it will eventually disappear.
If someone is subjected to a constant supply of pleasure, he
will eventually adapt himself to the high level and he will
not be aware of it. That level will become `normal' and to
feel pleasure, he will need to look for some higher level of
stimulation. Similarly, if someone is subjected to a constant
degree of discomfort, he will eventually adapt himself to the
discomfort and not relate to it. [Perhaps this partially
explains survival tactics, as during the Holocaust etc.]
Therefore, the extent to which we become aware of a stimulus
depends on how the strength of the stimulus compares with the
`background level' of the stimulus. So, if a person is
continuously suffering from an intense pain, he will ignore a
sudden extra pain of lower intensity. But someone else who is
not suffering might find such a level of pain very
discomforting.
The opposite is also true. If a person is continuously
enjoying a high level of pleasure, he will not notice a
sudden extra pleasure of lower intensity. But someone who is
not continuously enjoying a high level of pleasure might find
such an extra pleasure very enjoyable.
Therefore, the higher the level of `background pleasure' a
person has, the less he will enjoy a simple pleasure, and the
lower the level of discomfort a person has, the more the
trivial discomforts will disturb him.
That explains why it was so difficult to make the `spoilt
princess' happy and why minimal discomforts which a regular
person would not even notice drove the `spoilt princess' to
distraction. What can her father give her now to make her
happy? She already has everything a king can give his
daughter and living at the highest level of physical
indulgence is `old stuff' to her.
The Chovos Halevovos explains that the reason why
children are beset with childhood diseases and painful
afflictions such as teething is so that a child should learn
at an early age that life is not a `bed of roses.'
Of course, we must protect our children from dangerous
illness (and any illness can become dangerous, especially for
a child) and from unnecessary discomfort. But if we are over-
protective and over- indulgent to our children, we risk
falling into a downward spiral of making our children
continually more unappreciative of the good things in life
and less tolerant of discomfort.
Chazal refer to the Jewish people as bnei melochim --
princes and princesses. But that is to indicate our
responsibilities and higher calling in life. It is not
intended to suggest that we can pamper our children and turn
them into spoilt princes and princesses.
