A well-received series of Jerusalem neighborhood lectures by
leading rabbonim and mechanchim discussing today's
chinuch challenges, gave parents much to think about
during the summer, with appearances by Rabbi Paysach Krohn in
Ramat Beit Shemesh and Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz in Har Nof.
Rabbi Krohn, who spoke on the topic of "Discipline with Love,"
and Rabbi Horowitz, who spoke about "Raising Spiritual
Children in a Materialistic World," both stressed the
importance of building a warm and loving home to best
influence children to follow the ways of their parents.
"What one generation has to give over to the next is not only
the technical limud haTorah, but the mesorah: the
love of mitzvos, the love of Hashem, the love of being
involved in Klal Yisroel," Rabbi Krohn emphasized.
In masterful maggid style, Rabbi Krohn related
spellbinding stories and powerful divrei Torah to
inspire parents to forge a close bond with their children.
"Discipline with love means giving compliments," he described.
"Hug and kiss your children -- it makes no difference what
age. If your teens don't get it at home, they'll get it
somewhere else, chas vesholom.
"A loving, kind marriage will also help the chinuch of
your children," he continued. Children should be encouraged,
not defeated, when they make mistakes. Any criticism should be
delivered in a gentle, positive way. "We can never be
hypocritical, and demand certain things from children that we
don't do ourselves," he added.
Rabbi Krohn offered a unique twist on the term, "Discipline
with Love": "You want your children to have a discipline?
Let's see what you love.
"Many of us have hobbies and like to collect things," he
explained. "Here are examples of what people collect; you
think about what message is being given over to the child. One
woman I know who has children, collects teddy bears. I know a
man who collects African swords. Another man collects little
whiskey bottles.
"Then there's a woman in Monsey who has the most fascinating
collection of mezuzas. I know someone who collects old
seforim. His children daven in the old siddurim
with the brown pages -- they have a geshmack for the
mesorah of previous generations."
Rabbi Horowitz, director of Project Y.E.S., alerted parents to
the anti-authority, self-centered attitudes rampant in today's
world, attitudes that are directly antithetical to the values
of a Torah home. A parent's best response is the creation of a
comfortable home environment.
"I believe the most important thing you can do as parents is
create the type of home children would like to stay in," he
stressed. "The spirituality and ruchniyus and mesorah
we learn from our homes. In order that these be meaningful
to the children, they have to want to be in the home."
Parents can combat the prevailing atmosphere of egoism by
inspiring children with a love for chesed, he continued.
"Instill in your children a sense that there's someone else;
it's not only yourself, there's a greater cause, there are
other people in this world."
One practical way to accomplish this is by talking about and
even involving your children in the chesed and
tzedokoh activities you do outside the home. Rabbi
Horowitz related an incident that took place 10 years earlier.
He discovered that his 10-year-old son had no idea that he
volunteered every Wednesday night for a large, free-loan
gemach. The boy only knew, "Tatty's not home Wednesday
night. He goes somewhere."
That realization spurred Rabbi Horowitz to action. Before
Pesach that year, he took his two sons to a Tomchei Shabbos
outlet that distributed 200 food packages to needy families.
"On the Sunday before Pesach, we worked together, putting
things in boxes," he described. He began humming the words of
Hallel, and his children wanted to know why. "Because my
grandfather used to sing Hallel in Europe when he baked
matzos on erev Pesach, and to me, this is a mitzvah like
that," he told them.
That chesed experience, and the link to their own family
mesorah, made a lasting impression on the Horowitz boys.
Father and sons continue to volunteer for Tomchei Shabbos
every erev Pesach.
Project Tvunot's eighth and final neighborhood lecture took place in Har
Nof on October 16. "Celebrating Parenthood: Overcoming Our Personal
Roadblocks" was the topic of Rabbi Ephraim Becker, well-known educator and
counselor, and Rabbi Yitzchok Berkowitz, menahel ruchani of Yeshivat Aish
HaTorah.
Later this month, Project Tvunot presents the first of its new series of
hands-on workshops to help parents implement the ideas they heard in the
neighborhood lectures.
"To really change our way of looking at things, and make a
difference in our lives, takes a lot of effort," says a
Project Tvunot director. "The workshops will provide many
opportunities for questions and answers, and parents can try
out what they learn at home as the course progresses. We feel
that this format will help parents gain more."
A 3-part workshop on the topic, "Developing and Maintaining
Communication with Our Children" will be led by Rabbi
Zechariah Greenwald, menahel of Me'Ohr Bais Yaakov
Teachers Seminary, beginning on October 28. Registration is
limited.
Other planned workshops include: "Parenting Teens," a 4-part
workshop led by Rabbi Ephraim Becker, beginning November 27;
"Fostering Healthy Growth and Development in Your Child", a 2-
part workshop led by Meir Goldenson, MSW, also beginning on
November 27; a men's workshop by Rabbi Leib Kelemen in
January; and a workshop by Rabbi Dov Brezak in February.
For more information and workshop registration, please call
Project Tvunot at (02) 537-7697 or (02) 538-2736.
