It only takes a few words to build a new world. I say, "Chaim
Rabinowitz." You say, "Clara Klein." They say YES and a new
bayis ne'eman is on its way. But words can also
kill.
Reuven meets his old buddy from yeshiva days who happens to
be in the neighborhood for a summer vacation. They start
reminiscing and suddenly, Reuven realizes that his friend
would probably be acquainted with a bochur he is
trying to check out.
"Yisroel K. was suggested for your daughter? I wouldn't go
near him with a ten-foot pole. He lacks yiras
shomayim." The girl's father was stunned and the
sugggestion was dumped without further ado. The family had
heard wonderful reports about the boy, which were
corroborated by their own impressions after meeting him. Yet
all this was cast aside because of a casual conversation --
at the garbage dump, no less!
"Lacks yiras shomayim." The man giving the information
might have had a different frame of reference, different
criteria. He might have had an unpleasant association with
the boy or his family. All this was lost in the shuffle. Once
pronounced, it is almost impossible to erase a bad impression
created by a few careless words.
*
"Is the girl heavy?" Dassy wanted to know if the girl had a
very serious disposition without any redeeming light side. In
Hebrew, as in English, `heavy' can be taken literally, or
with the connotation of seriousness, a heavy nature. The
respondent interpreted the question literally and honestly
said, "No." The parties met and the match was pronounced
viable. Success had hinged on the right word, and the less
that had been said, the better, in this case.
*
Chani K.'s name was suggested as a match for Moshe. The
shadchan started to wax eloquent. Every ma'ala
you can imagine. Talented? She painted her parent's kitchen
in a day. She makes professional cakes and knishes. "I tasted
them myself."
"You probably visited the family on Chanuka. What else should
a girl do on vacation?"
"She's neat and clean, her mother's right-hand person. She
can straighten out the whole house in a jiffy."
"Oh, you mean her mother's sloppy? Not quite a
baalebusta, and the girl picks up after her?"
"She's so patient. Right after she finished cleaning up the
house, her little brothers and sisters and a pack of their
friends messed up the place but she took it in stride and
didn't yell or get angry."
"I don't get it. Is she organized or not? Is she messy or
clean? Does she care about a neat house or not?"
As the French say, "Turn your tongue seven times before you
speak."
*
And two short ones on the power of the word -- prayer!
A concerned mother who had several eligible children at home
and no prospects on the horizon, confided to a friend that
perhaps she hadn't made enough of an effort for her children.
She had not davened specifically for them to marry and
establish homes. Her friend reassured her, "You say
`veha'arev na' every day, asking that the words of
Torah be sweet in the mouths of your children and your
children's children. You've been praying all along for
Torah generations, This implies marriage and progeny, a
continuation of generations down the line." This is what
every Jewish mother asks for!
Of course, praying specifically is all the more effective. At
the engagement of a young couple-to-be, a friend of the
family gave a walloping dose of praise all around. "What a
beautiful shidduch! You must have davened
well!"
To this, an aunt responded, "You bet! The kalla
started praying for a worthy husband even before she turned
bas mitzva!" It is never too early to start asking.
