Part of our lives is dedicated to personal matters. There are
things we do for ourselves privately without fanfare, and
without including others. Most people need privacy,
especially fathers coming home from work, mothers busy all
day with their children and children who spend at least half
a day learning in noisy, overcrowded classrooms. How can we
help our children in protecting their privacy?
The Need for Privacy
A child comes home tired, worn out from the day's learning.
He can't wait to get to his own little house where he can
finally have some time for himself and forget about the noise
and hullabaloo around him. He walks in through the door and
his wonderful, caring mother greets him with a barrage of
questions:
How are you? How was school today? Did you eat your snack?
What did you learn? How much homework do you have? Why don't
you say anything? Why aren't you eating?
That's just for starters until his father comes in: What did
you learn today? Did you understand the material? Come, let's
go over tomorrow's lesson.
The child who was waiting for a few moments of quiet and
privacy feels he's gone from bad to worse. He couldn't wait
to get away from school and now, here in his own home, he
can't have a moment to himself. He has no way to `unwind.'
What should parents do? How should we greet our children
without infringing on their privacy?
It is important to remember that when our child walks in
tired and exhausted from a day at school, we should refrain
from questioning him. If he doesn't feel like opening a book
to do his homework, we should put it off until later. But of
course, if he wants to talk and tell us all about his day,
we'll listen attentively.
There are children who feel good with their siblings around
them talking to them and there are others who feel at home
only when they can curl up on their bed with a book. Let's
give each child a chance to choose what suits him without
interfering. If a child wants to be alone, let's respect his
choice. He'll thank us for it and for the quiet moment he can
finally enjoy.
Each child has the right to choose what he wants to do
according to his nature, so long as it doesn't interfere with
the harmony of the home.
Personal Secrets
A child's secrets are his own personal business. Only he may
decide whether or not to reveal what is on his mind. Let's
leave it up to him and respect his private feelings. For if
we pressure a child to reveal to us what he would rather keep
to himself, he will become more closed up, or end up by
telling us something which is untrue, or partially so. When
we let a child keep his secrets, he becomes trustful of his
surroundings and more ready to let others in on his personal
feelings. Remember: a child's secrets belong to him and no
one, including his parents or older siblings, have any right
to them.
Private Drawer
Every child has personal possessions and every child, even in
families with many children, needs his own personal space or
drawer to put his things away. Although some children don't
care too much about that and wouldn't mind giving it up in
exchange for some special marbles, others find a personal
drawer indispensible for their personal items. They'll
rearrange it several times a day and use it to put away their
prized possessions.
Personal Diary
Some children like to keep a diary. Why? A diary will keep
their secrets and ideas without interfering and without being
judgmental in any way. A diary is a true friend. It helps the
child be open about his feelings and to release pent up
tension. Children who have no way of releasing tension in a
positive manner often end up releasing it in a negative way,
which is even worse.
We must be careful to respect the child's diary and not treat
it disrespectfully, and we must certainly not read it!
If we can learn to respect the child's private time, his
personal belongings, his diary and his secrets, he will also
respect our privacy. It's all a matter of mutual
understanding.
TIPS
* Every person has a private dream. We don't necessarily have
to fulfill a child's desires but it's good to know what the
child's dreams are and maybe, some day, we will be able to
fulfill them.
* Private conversations are most important to our children.
Let's find time to speak to them; let us also find a way to
let them know things we wouldn't want the others to hear.
They'll be grateful to us for our discretion.
* Children should respect each other's property, and parents
must make sure that this is carried out. They should prevent
children from touching things that don't belong to them,
especially when the owner of the object is not at home.
* A child's personal property is his and if he doesn't want
to let others use his things, we must respect his wishes,
although we do have to teach him to be generous, to share and
to give in.
* Parents as well must respect each other's privacy. A few
quiet moments are especially necessary when coming home from
work, and we must not invade the other's privacy in an
aggressive manner as soon as they walk in.
