"But Ima, I don't want to do it!"
"Abba! Why do I have to do it?"
Sometimes we do need to relate to the likes and
dislikes of our children and explain the `hows' and
`whys.' But often, the issues involved are beyond the
understanding of a child and then we need to tell the
children that they have to do something because they
have to do it and that's the way it is!
R' Simcha Wasserman zt'l once explained that when
we eat, we first look at the food and if it looks and
smells appetizing, we look forward to eating it. As the
food enters our mouth, we enjoy the tastes and textures
of the food. When it has passed down the food pipe, we
no longer taste it, but we enjoy the feeling of
satisfaction we get from having a full stomach.
However, we get the real benefit from the food after it
has become digested and broken down into the various
constituent parts and the body has absorbed all the
nutrients. We are not aware of this stage of the meal --
yet it is really the most important stage.
Therefore, sometimes we need to eat food even if it
does not look good and even if we do not like its
taste, simply because it is good for us.
R' Wasserman explained that the same situation exists
when performing mitzvos. Sometimes, we understand
a reason why we need to do a mitzva and knowing
this reason helps us perform it enthusiastically. In
fact, we call the reason for performing a mitzva
a taam, which means `a taste,' or flavor.
Sometimes, the performance is itself intrinsically
enjoyable. At other times, after performing a
mitzva we are filled with a wonderful feeling of
satisfaction and then we look forward to performing it
again.
However, we are not aware of the true benefits which we
derive from performing mitzvos. So, sometimes we
need to perform them even if we do not understand why
and even if we do not enjoy doing them, because it is
what we need to do. Because it is good for us.
For example, Chazal decreed that we light Chanuka
lights to publicly spread the wonder of the miracle of
Chanuka. A child might suggest that instead of lighting
the menora, we put an advert in the local
newspaper which will reach a much wider public.
We need to explain to the child that at his level of
understanding, his logic is correct. However, Chazal
knew of different options, yet they stipulated lighting
the menora because when we light the wicks and
burn the oil, we are actually doing actions that have
physical and spiritual consequences beyond our
understanding.
When responding to our children's inquisitiveness, we
therefore need to strike a delicate balance. On the one
hand, we need to encourage the child's natural
curiosity and thirst for knowledge. On the other hand,
we need to train them to accept the dominion of a
higher authority, even when it seems to contradict
their understanding.
