"Checking the crazy ones, coaxing uneasy ones
Lifting the lazy ones on with the stick..." (O' Flynn)
Our lecturers at college always stressed, "Never tell a
parent that a child is stupid." You can say he's lazy, but
never say he is stupid.
Not to call a child stupid is axiomatic even for parents.
Obviously, teachers should not indulge in that epithet. On
the other hand, with many years of teaching experience, and
also having come face to face with motherhood with its
accompanying trials in education, I have come to the
conclusion that children are not born lazy. They may be
unmotivated, tired, constitutionally inadequate, but not
lazy. They may even acquire laziness later on in life, but
laziness does not go with childhood.
Time and time again, parents and teachers complain that the
child is plain lazy and could do much better if he tried. He
probably could do better if he tried. Why is he not
trying? Are we sure he is lazy? Babies are never born
`lazy'. It is exhausting just to watch the amount of pushups
and leg lifts and other physical maneuvers a three-month-old
baby accomplishes in one hour. This laborious regime
continues through the first year. How often can you see an
almost crawling infant persevere till he gets a coveted
article which was just out of reach? When he learns to
crawl, there is no stopping him. He explores every nook and
cranny, often to Mother's chagrin, keeping busy every waking
minute. Eventually, he arrives at the walking stage and
exhibits an amazing tenacity. He exploits his new
achievement, usually to much applause. Backwards and
forwards and back again. He trains like a candidate for the
Olympics. There is no laziness there.
Often a parent will say, "He is too lazy to walk" about a
late walker. Is he too lazy? Or is he such a proficient
crawler that this mode of locomotion suits him? Or has he
perhaps poor muscle tone? Or some other defect which makes
movement more difficult? If I see something on the floor and
do not bother to pick it up, it doesn't mean I am lazy. I
may have a bad back! Or perhaps more pressing tasks for that
particular moment.
There are definitely some children who are "live wires."
They are always on the move. Some of them may need very
little sleep. But that does not make their less active peers
lazy.
As they grow older, infants display different temperaments
and dispositions, many of which are in their genes, in the
same way as Eisov and Yaakov did, as they matured. There are
those who enjoy a physical, athletic life, and there are the
book lovers. There are many who do not show any particular
interest in anything. Perhaps if they hear a piece of music,
it might send them into raptures. Or they may enjoy taking
things apart, without the slightest thought of putting them
together again, and adults are often angry with this
`destructive' child. They complain that he never seems to
settle down to anything, is too lazy to read, or even to
enjoy a game with the others; he is simply destructive.
However, many parents of a seemingly `lazy' child can point
to something in which the child excels and to which he will
devote hours of painstaking effort.
But what about those children who do not seem to excel in
anything nor do they seem to be interested in anything? We
are not discussing the children, whether diagnosed or not,
who do not quite fit into the usual mold. We are speaking
about the average child who sits in the classroom, not
causing any trouble, but not participating in anything,
either. These children never seek information nor do they
trouble to answer any of the teacher's general questions.
When asked directly, they usually feign ignorance. The
question remains: have they become lazy?
As a student, parent and teacher, I was allergic to
homework. Everyone handed in their assignment, and I had to
think of many different justifications for not having done
it. It was not that I was unable to do it; I just had more
interesting things to do. Having said that, I can honestly
say that I was far from lazy. Naturally, there were
sometimes consequences, yet strangely enough, not one
unpleasant after effect remains with me to this day.
Although homework is an essential tool for revising material
taught, as a teacher, I hardly gave homework. Without a
doubt, some children revel in the extra work at home. But
then, Teacher has to mark it! There is generally enough time
in the (English) school day to fit in these revision
exercises. Many teachers would debate this point, and
obviously disagree with me. I am just trying to cite an
instance of dislike of a particular type of work which
emulates laziness, but is not the real thing.
As a parent, I often helped my children with their homework.
Many parents have a great deal to say on the subject! When a
child does not want to do the homework, he is usually not
lazy. Either he does not understand the subject matter, in
which case he needs help. In my opinion, that help should
come from the teacher. Or, as mentioned before, he has been
at school all day and thinks he has better things to do with
his free time.
So what is laziness? When a teenager stays up half the night
and sleeps through the day? When a tired mother who feels
she cannot cope with the never- ending work, just gives up
and lives in a perpetual state of clutter and disorder? The
dictionary definition of lazy is: "averse to labor,
disinclined to exertion." Children are born ready to exert
themselves. When do they become lazy?
The much used word `unmotivated' is more or less synonymous
with uninspired, bored, unconcerned, indifferent: a
theasaurus will list several more words. Some children enjoy
doing jigsaw puzzles. Many children do not. Even if the
puzzles are well within their ability, these children are
not interested in doing them. If they are coaxed into an
activity which they do not enjoy, once or twice, that is
fine. If a father or mother insists that this activity is an
important rudiment of the child's education, and persists in
persuading him to solve puzzles, he may well be on the way
to laziness. Like adults, children have preferences in their
activities.
A boy I knew had little interest in academic achievements
from the time he started school. Nor was he interested in
sports. Although he was a popular boy, he did not
participate in team games. When asked what he wanted to do
with his life, he answered that he wanted to be a boss and
drive a fast car. This lad had wonderful parents who handled
him excellently. He was expected to conform and perform all
things pertaining to mitzvos, but in other things his
"laziness" was tolerated. Today he is a very successful
boss, father of several children, and he does drive a fast
car. He shows no sign of his erstwhile indolence.
When a child is too lazy to pick up his toys, help him. Or
get others to help him. The task is daunting on its own.
Admittedly, he tipped them over and will do so again, but he
is not interested in a tidy room. In the same way that a
young mother might take to bed with a book rather than tidy
the house, she might get moving if she knew her mother-in-
law was coming to visit. Or if a friend came in and
suggested that they do it together.
Some people are born with more energy than others and
naturally, some are more gifted than others. When things
come very easily to a person, he will get on with the job
and enjoy doing it. If a child grows up with a feeling of
success, although it may not be success in a field of which
parents approve, and providing it is not against the Torah,
he might well be called lazy while at school, but he will
continue to work hard in his chosen field. If we could
overcome some of our prejudices, which is almost impossible
in many circles, we might find that the boy or girl who was
too lazy to take out the garbage, too lazy to get up in the
morning, too lazy to do the dishes and even too lazy to read
a book, has turned into an industrious, hard working,
interesting adult!
