For the first time in an ongoing public forum, talmudei
chachomim and leading mechanchim are speaking out
about the unique challenges which English-speaking parents
and their children face in Israel.
The trail blazing series of community lectures -- which
continues with the June 12 appearance of Rav Noach Orlowek,
and Rav Dovid Orlofsky, in Har Nof -- is the brainchild of
Project Tvunot, a new resource center serving religious,
English-speaking families. The center's clinical services,
school intervention, new-immigrant support services, and
public lectures all send the reassuring message to English-
speaking parents: "You're not alone."
That message set the tone for two recent evenings, featuring
Rav Zeev Leff, and Rav Leib Kelemen in Har Nof, and Rav
Mendel Weinbach and Rav Kelemen in Neve Yaakov. Each speaker
addressed a different aspect of the challenge of raising
children in today's world, and in an unfamiliar system as
well.
The special nature of Eretz Yisroel demands a different mind
set to the one parents had in chutz la'aretz, said
Rav Leff, in a fascinating shiur which explored how every
country influences the thinking of its Jewish residents.
To many Western-born parents, the school system they left
behind seemed "more open, tolerant, and less picayune" than
the one they find in Eretz Yisroel, Rav Leff observed. He
shed light on this discrepancy by comparing how each system
evolved. In America, the "status quo" used to be public
school; day schools had to compete for Jewish children. In
Eretz Yisroel, the "status quo" was chadorim;
Zionists founded their more "open" schools to battle the
chareidi influence.
"There's a difference between fighting a defensive war
versus an offensive war," Rav Leff explained. "That's why
Israeli schools are more overprotective."
He urged parents to consult with a rav who knows them
personally, to advise them as to "what it is important (for
which you have to change your mindset), and what is not
important (for which you can keep your own mindset)." He
also lauded the opening of Project Tvunot, which, as part of
its services, helps create mutual understanding between
parents and schools.
In his address in Neve Yaakov, Rav Weinbach discussed four
types of chinuch challenges prevalent in today's
community: the bright but unmotivated child, the child with
a learning disability, the child with violent or rebellious
tendencies, and the child whose problem cannot be easily
diagnosed. For each type of child, he related an appropriate
story from the gemara to show how the Sages handled
each case.
"There is no such thing as an uneducable child," Rav
Weinbach insisted. "There are methods for solving the
problems of every learning difficulty that exists. If a
child has a tendency towards violence or rebellion, those
tendencies too can be channeled in a positive way. The
gemara even teaches us how to deal with children when
we don't know the reason for their behavior."
Rav Weinbach emphasized that hishtadlus and
tefillah are an "unbeatable combination" for success
in chinuch. "Hishtadlus for a parent means creating the
right atmosphere in the home, finding the right school, and
turning to those who have the expertise to analyze and
diagnose his children's tendencies. And the magic ingredient
is tefillah, tefillah, tefillah."
At the Neve Yaakov evening, Rav Kelemen urged parents to
invest time in developing a warm relationship with each
child. Attention and affection, he stressed, give a child
both Jewish and psychological stability, reducing the
chances that the child might slip into crisis.
Defining "kedusha" as closeness and relationship, Rav
Kelemen alerted parents to modern-day distractions that can
interfere with their connection to their children. "No
generation has ever been so bombarded by distractions," he
said, citing the omnipresent cell phone, beeper, and on-line
technology. "So much potential interference has been placed
between us and the ones we want to love. Technology's real
purpose is to connect us to those we want to have a
relationship with, but it takes gevurah to use it
properly."
He encouraged parents to turn off their cell phones while
spending time with their family, davening, or
learning.
Tapes of each lecture are available by calling (02) 537-
7697.
Rav Noach Orlowek, and Rav Dovid Orlofsky, will speak on
June 12 at Beis HaMedrash Givat Pinchas d'Boston, Rechov
Ruzhin 15, Har Nof, at 8:30 p.m. Their topic: "Learning to
Access Our Strengths as Parents." There will be separate
seating for men and women.
