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13 Tammuz 5761 - July 4, 2001 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family
Staying Back
by A. Ross

"There is so much pressure in the adult world; let the children grow up a little more slowly."

For centuries, the Jews have been known as an amibitious nation. They have a drive, both for themselves and their offspring, to shine academically. This trait is inherent in our people, regardless of whether they keep all of the mitzvos or not. In fact, even those Jews who have only a very distant connection to their religion and say, "I'm a good Jew at heart," have this passion for academic excellence for their children ["the doctors, the lawyers"]. This craving for knowledge is a far cry from Torah study which is done for its own sake, and where people don't vie with each other to be `top,' although perhaps, it originated from the same source. I once spoke to a professor who had, unfortunately, stopped mitzva observance, although he came from an excellent family. He told me that if there had been exams in yeshiva and if he could have been `top of the class,' as he put it, his ambition might have been assuaged. He had to have competition to prove his undoubted ability.

As a baby develops into a toddler and then into a pre-school child, the progress is quite astounding. It is small wonder that parents believe their child to be a genius. Especially a first child, when they have not yet experienced the amazing mental growth of all small children. Orthodox Jews, in particular, cannot wait to start their baby boy on the path to learning Torah by introducing him to the alef- beis. This is fine, as far as it goes, so long as it remains as much fun as learning the names of pictures. Thus, if a two-year-old has mastered all the letters, it stands to [their] reason that he must be a genius! They try to get him into a cheder or school at a very early age, regardless of the fact that he is a year younger than the other children.

Are they doing this for the sake of the child? Is he really going to be bored if he goes to a play group or conventional kindergarten and then starts school at the right age? Social development is crucial to the child's other development. About twenty years ago, a girl of fourteen (incidentally, Jewish) obtained an honors degree at Oxford University. She told interviewers that she didn't have a single friend, but there had been no choice. But this was no ordinarily clever girl.

We are discussing above average, or even very clever children. More often than not, the ones who are pushed are not even as bright as their parents would like to believe. So, once they are in a class a year above their own age and they don't make the grade, either academically or socially, what is to be done?

Unfortunately, parents feel it is a stigma to let children repeat a grade. Children would take it in their stride if parents would not feel so badly about it. The very expression "being left back," or not being promoted to the next grade, has negative connotations. When teachers or parents tell the child that the teacher always needs one or two older children to help the younger ones settle in, the child is quite happy to oblige.

If a child is well below the standard of the class, either due to a learning disability or because he is just not very bright, it is doubtful whether it will be to his advantage to let him do the year again. He will still be below average and at a disadvantage when competing with the younger brighter children. Unfortunately, there are many such children who are not in any way `retarded' but who are just not academically inclined. We do not streamline classes nowadays, and each class consists of mixed ability children. It is quite usual for a slower child to be given extra help so that he may achieve his maximum potential. However, this potential may not be that of his peers. Thus it would be pointless to let him repeat grades in the hope that he catch up. Let him remain with his own age group and grow up happily at his own pace.

Many years of experience in classroom teaching have shown me which type of child benefits from repeating a grade. A bright six- or seven-year-old who is just not ready for the heavier work load in school does extremely well if he is allowed to repeat pre-1A, or its equivalent. I stress the word `allowed.' As mentioned before, so many parents express their opinions in front of the children. "If you don't work harder, you will have to stay behind." Or "What a pity your friend Yanky had to stay back."

I recently met the father of a ben Torah who learns in a prestigious kollel, neither of whom I had seen for many years. During the conversation, he said, "the very best thing that ever happened to Dovid was that you kept him back with you for an extra year. It was a far nicer class of boys and he gained confidence that year which stood him in good stead for the rest of his life." When parents are unhappy about their child being kept back, the child often feels the negative attitude and consequently, does not benefit from the extra year as he should.

When a really bright child reaches the age of seven and has not learned to read, it is essential that s/he obtains expert tuition. It is often necessary to let him do the year again because he will learn all the chumash and davening by heart and never become a fluent reader. But it is often wiser to move him to a different school into a lower grade, so that he does not feel he has been kept back.

Many schools will not bow to parental pressure and will not accept children who are born after a certain date. Parents of girls try to get them to skip grades so that they will finish seminary a year earlier. In Israel, in particular, it is a status symbol for a girl to skip a grade. Some parents boast of the fact that they sent their girls abroad and frankly lied about their age on the application form. One cannot generalize. There are some children who are bored at school (and there are some very boring teachers). Parents feel that the child is not `stretched' enough, and should be doing much more difficult work. They are often wrong.

There is a family who decided not to send their oldest very intelligent son to school, but to educate him privately. They only did it to their first! Although he completed shas at an incredibly early age, they felt that he was not a normal human being. One could argue that if he was a genius, he might not have been a normal human being even if he had been educated at a regular school.

How often do parents complain of their children "wasting so much time at school?" It is perfectly true, if you measure the time of book learning. The maximum amount of learning that gets done during the course of a school day is not more than three hours till children are about twelve. Usually it is less. But not all learning is book learning. Good middos, social interaction with other children and with adults, among other things, is all part of education and maturation. It is not a stigma to be young and playful. Nor is it an advantage to push your child ahead of his age group. A girl may be in the marriage market sooner, but will she make a better wife and mother? There is so much pressure in the adult world; let the children grow up a little more slowly.

 

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