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22 Av 5760 - August 23, 2000 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Home and Family
Ascent -- The Personal Story of an American Olah

Part III

In our home, the mother tongue is English, because the mother, me, uses it exclusively. But almost all the kids choose to answer me in Hebrew, besides one older son who speaks to me from the yeshiva in English. I can hear the boys in the background imitating the English rolling off his tongue. For me, the most important thing is the good communication between me and the children; therefore, I'm happy that I can speak to them well in their language, because I think that this is one of the important basics of education. This is why I never made a big deal about the language and I let each child choose the language in which he expresses himself best.

Now I am especially happy that I didn't make speaking English an issue. My oldest daughter married a boy from Bnei Brak who has no connection to English. When they visit us, it isn't difficult for Hebrew to dominate the Shabbos table. When my daughter was involved in shidduchim, people said, "You're probably looking for a boy from an American family for her." I said that while it might be more comfortable for me, my daughter grew up and belongs to this country. I would choose whatever was best for her. And, in fact, Hashem deemed me fit to merit a son-in-law who is a Ben Torah and a pure Bnei Braker.

What, in your opinion, are the differences in mentality between the chareidi community here and that in America?

Shevi claims that it is almost impossible to compare. We're talking here about two groups, each one including tens of sub- groups. How can one generalize, in order to reach common or uncommon points and draw conclusions? It is impossible to focus on key issues. Shevi has decided that it is easier to focus on the American mentality in contrast to the general Israeli one. She says:

The first thing that stood out for me when I arrived in Israel was the wild and dangerous driving. The awareness of road safety is very weak in comparison to America. If an American mother won't allow her son to ride a bicycle without a helmet, perhaps, she wonders, it isn't only a question of awareness but of price-to-pay, because every American knows that any cop at any corner who catches a bicycle rider without a helmet, even if he's only eight, will slap a fine of $50 or $75, depending on the area, on his parents.

Yes, there is a principle issue which differentiates, and it has bothered her from the beginning -- the separation between groups and nationalities. I haven't been able to understand at all the distance and alienation, she says. For example, when I was growing up in Pittsburgh, I went to a religious school, but they accepted children whose parents desecrated Shabbos. On removing the "junkbox" from the house, there was nothing to talk about. My friends' fathers wore knitted kipot, and my father, of course, wore a big black one and a hat. We didn't visit each other, but neither did we keep our distance because of a group, community or country-of- origin that others belonged to.

It disturbed me greatly when I learned here as a teenager, that in Israel, everyone is catalogued, and there is no understanding between groups. Today, I understand it well. Today, I also wouldn't want my children to learn with secular children or non-chareidim. But in America -- at least in those times - schools accepted any Jewish child, because if they didn't, who knows what would happen to him or his children? I assume that today, however, in chareidi circles in big cities, the situation has changed and there is separation and safeguarding from those who are distant from one's viewpoint and practice. The religious society is more insular now and protective, I am sure.

Here in Israel, the chareidi numbers have grown and there is a selection of education institutions that are filled to capacity with quality and quantity students. Because of this, when there is a problem or a complaint, they don't always get to address it. Sometimes, the answer is: You can go somewhere else. There isn't enough personal attention given to everyone. In America, every child who remains a Jew is considered a precious diamond, and they try to address every problem in depth, and find a solution. In spite of this, I appreciate the education here in Israel, and in no way would I exchange it for the education that I received as a child, an education that out of necessity determines the conditions and circumstances.

In conclusion, I will tell a few anecdotes about the reception the Holy Land gave me over twenty years ago. During that time, the halachic problem arose regarding the inspection of joints in animals, and it was very difficult to get chicken. On my second Shabbos here and the first on our own, I went shopping for a chicken. I wasn't a patron of any store, so I got a negative answer in all of the butcher shops I visited. Finally, when I found a butcher who agreed to sell me one chicken, I happily put it in the pot, according to my "vast knowledge" in cooking, and placed it as is on the fire. In the meantime, I had to run an urgent errand outside and left the house quickly. Upon my return, already from the stairwell my nose caught the strong smell of smoke hovering in the air, and I thought to myself: There must be some pretty industrious housewives who barbecue their meat on Friday. As I approached my apartment, I realized that all of the smoke was coming from my own door. All that remained on that Friday, instead of a lone chicken which had taken such effort, time and money to buy -- was a burnt pot, which I labored to clean, and improvised servings of food. To this day, whenever I cook chicken, I remember my first chicken, and I know to appreciate how easy it is to get today and to cook without mishaps.

One other small story about fish. In America, nobody had a grinder because the storekeeper would automatically grind the fish for you unless you wanted it sliced. Here the picture was different. This first time I came to a fish store, I looked for the kinds of fish I was used to buying at my parents, like whitefish. I checked to see if the store had a hechsher, then asked what fish to buy for gefilte fish. The vendor suggested carp, but I wasn't familiar with it. Willing to give it a try, I nodded and asked that he grind it as well.

"Grind it?" he raised his voice at me. "Why should I grind it for you? Where are you from, lady?"

Embarrassed, I left the store with the salty taste of ignorance and loneliness in my mouth. I had gotten another small Ererzisraeli lesson.

 

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