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Home
and Family
This section doesn't generally like to look at the downside of homemaking. But sometimes, you can't help feeling down, and when you come up for air, you discover how wonderful even the daily tribulations are - with the proper attitude. Recently, we looked at the world through Rifca Goldberg's "Shining Eyes." This time, those eyes are wet, but the teardrops only clarify our vision.
When the House is Finally Quiet
by Rifca Goldberg, Tzefas
I spoke to my Rebbetzin last night. Tears pooled in my eyes as my complaints escaped through the phone line to her. The constant dishes, the constant laundry, the constant constant. Yet, as much as I do each evening, after working the whole day at it, I don't feel as though I've really accomplished anything, since the housework builds up again so quickly. It's overwhelming!
"Rifca," she said gently, "there are some people who have very neat homes without any children. The mess is, in a way, a blessing."
"Yes," I answered somewhat subdued, "I have a friend whose first six years of marriage was without children. Baruch Hashem, she now has children, but back then I used to visit her, a baby in one of my arms, a toddler or two clinging to my skirt. When she opened her front door, I would see her shiny, spotless house, and I would cringe. One time I even said to her, `Your house is SO beautiful.' She smiled back at me sadly and replied, `Children are more beautiful'."
"Yes, Rifca. Focus on the positive. Notice every good thing that happens during the day - no matter how small."
"I'll try," I answered, not fully convinced.
So now, tonight, after the kids are all bedded down and the house is finally quiet, I think of what my Rebbetzin said as I look over at the sink of abundant dishes in need of being washed. Not my favorite choice of activities at 9 p.m. My shoulders feel heavy. My hands work automatically in the warm soapy water, and I attempt to focus my mind on the good. Baruch Hashem that we have enough food to feed the family. No one ever leaves the table hungry. Baruch Hashem that we can afford healthy food and that it is available to us. And I did pay attention, with a satisfied smile, to what my five-year- old said at dinner, unprompted, "Thank you, Mommy, for the yummy food!" With that thought I put the last dish into the dish drainer.
Drying my hands on a towel, I head towards the laundry room. After ironing my husband's shirts, I look at the piles of clothing to fold. My first thought is, "All this work is too much for one person!" But I chide myself. "Now, now, stop with the self-pity and get a-moving!" I shake my head vigorously. "Thinking of the good isn't easy." I make a pile for each person and then begin to sort each pile individually
- so many items to fold! But I make the effort to feel thankful. Baruch Hashem that we all have such a variety of clothing. Baruch Hashem that we each have warm winter clothes and cool summer clothes. It's a real blessing. Baruch Hashem for washing machines and dryers - that work!
As I put away the last stack of neatly folded linen, I look up. The bulletin board on the wall catches my attention. It's covered with notices, helpful hints, photos including one of myself with a cast on my arm. That picture's been pinned up there for over a year now. For six weeks I was unable to manage the house well at all. Help was hard to find, to say nothing of being expensive. I close my eyes for a few seconds and feel a deep wave of gratitude to Hashem for my health and the ability to do the work myself.
11:30 p.m. Everything is in place. The house is tidied up. My eyes close as my head gently falls into my fluffy down pillow. "So, what have I accomplished this evening?" I ask myself.
"Nothing much. Just spent a couple of hours appreciating..."
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