Back in the `Old Country,' a wedding invitation used to be an
invitation. That's because weddings were held in some
out-of-the-way resort at 2:30 in the afternoon (where no one
else but a wedding guest would be found), and your
calligraphed name card, inscribed with a specific table
number, was waiting for you at the front door. If you didn't
receive an invitation, you wouldn't even dream of showing
up!
Our simchas in Eretz Yisroel are much more heimish,
boruch Hashem. Friends and neighbors make up as much (or
more) of the guest list than family members, and are expected
to drop in without even RSVPing. But that same
heimishkeit often leaves a window of doubt for those
who receive one of the hundreds of distributed wedding
invitations. To give you an idea, try answering this simple
question:
You get an invitation to your neighbor's daughter's wedding.
All it says is:
CHUPPA AT 6:00 P.M.
What does this really mean?
a) You're invited to come to the chuppa at 6 p.m. and
spend the rest of the night socializing at a four course
dinner and dancing till the lights go out.
b) You're invited to come to the chuppa at 6 p.m. and
leave immediately afterwards, because only close family are
invited to the meal (and they know who they are).
c) You have a choice: come to the chuppa at 6 p.m. and
leave immediately afterwards, or come just for dancing after
9:30 p.m. [with cakes and drinks].
The answer is not so simple. It depends on who's inviting.
According to my American-born friend `in the know,' who is
now a card-carrying Yerushalmi after 25 years of
residency, if you receive an invitation like this from a
Yerushalmi or Israeli family, don't book your
babysitter for 5:30 p.m. The ba'alei simcha probably
have very large, extended families and limited funds, and
`everyone' knows that only close mishpocha attend the
dinner.
"If you're a second cousin, you'd never dream of sitting down
to the meal, but would only come for the chuppa or the
dancing," she explains.
What about us Americans who receive an invitation like this
maybe once in three years, and can't wait to hire a
babysitter and spend a `night out' for a catered meal? Then
we'll have to wait for a similar looking invitation from a
fellow chutznik family who will probably have so few
guests coming in from overseas that there will be plenty of
room at the tables [and you'll be doing THEM a favor by
staying. Some people play it by sight and make their decision
according to the accommodations.]
Another bit of guesswork involves the time written on the
invitation. If the invitation is from Jerusalemites, add 1 to
2 hours to every time they write. If it's from Americans, add
a half-hour to every time. If it's called for before sundown,
show up ten minutes before. But if the family is
Yekkish, subtract one hour and hope that you're on
time.
Now that it's wedding season again, with two Adars to make
merry before Sefira, you're probably receiving more
than one invitation per night. My friend Debby, the most
adept simcha hopper I know, has been known to log up
to four events in one night, following careful planning.
Wedding #1 will take place in a hall 15 minutes by bus from
her home. Wedding #2 is a mile further away, a pleasant half
hour walk on a moonlit night. Wedding #3 is in the next
suburb, and Wedding #4 is another suburb over from that.
Armed with an itinerary, she is ready to begin her mazel-tov
expedition.
She will show up at Wedding #1 and give everyone mazel-tov.
Then she begins strolling towards Wedding #2, taking a 15
minute stopover at a friend's house for coffee and a chat.
Her arrival at the second hall is exactly timed to coincide
with the entrance of the chosson and kalla,
approximately 45 minutes after their chuppa. She
blazes her way through the dancing to extend her mazel-tovs,
then dashes out to catch two buses to Wedding #3, where she
will find the guests finishing their meal, the perfect time
to locate and shake hands with the important family members.
Light on her toes, she scampers out to Wedding #4, dances a
reel during the second round of dancing and manages to arrive
home via two buses right in time for her 18-year-old's return
from mishmar.
And you thought being a wedding guest was easy?
[At this point, we'd like to ask our writer what this Debby
does in the way of gifts? And readers: any ideas on original
or thoughtful items that will be appreciated, used and not
make too much of a dent on a pocketbook? Perhaps a good
personal telephone directory for the new couple? A good
rolling pin with ball bearings? A cheery picture for the
kitchen. I guess that in such informal company, you can also
get away without giving ANYthing, either. They should be
happy you CAME. Baruch Hashem for Jerusalemite weddings.
There is also beauty in the simplicity of the refreshment
table for those who have only come to dance/wish Mazel Tov.
Nowadays, it is two kinds of hot kugel, not-too-fancy cakes
and drinks. Who needs more?
And one more interesting feature of Jerusalemite weddings: if
by some freak chance you did not get an invitation but feel
close enough to come and convey your hearty wishes<196>by all
means, feel free to do so! Not only will the family not take
offense, if they do realize their mistake, but they will
thank you for rectifying the omission!
Waiting for the day when the dinners will be on paper plates,
one main course only, self service from a buffet, leftovers
for sheva brochos, and at a tenth the price for the
overburdened families! Any `Nachshon's?]
