The translator of last week's piece on toys, taken from
Bayit Ne'eman, has come up with her own, very experienced
ideas on the matter. With a poem thrown in for good
measure.
My Bubbie and Zeidie are coming,
I wonder what they will bring?
A book or a toy or a new baby boy,
As for me, just their visit's the thing.
They come with their cases and packets,
We cheer as they enter the door,
Then we hug and kiss with our hearts full of bliss
But Chaim gives forth a loud roar.
We watch as they empty their cases,
We all know that we mustn't ask,
But Yanky walks in and he says with a grin,
It's Purim soon, did you bring me a mask?
Miraculously that's what they brought him,
Now what else did they have in their case?
For Esther a dress and for me, can you guess?
A new doll with a beautiful face.
For Mordche they brought a good stapler,
He's fourteen and too old for toys,
Some lego to share and nice clips for our hair,
Two new cars for the six-year-old boys.
They brought toys for the rest of the children,
But Moishie just got a new suit,
All his clothes look so used, Mommy looked quite bemused,
But she groaned when she saw Yochie's flute.
The grandparents did not stay enough time,
They had to return to their home,
But now that they've left, our house is bereft,
We suffering from "Bubbie is missing" syndrome.
Toys, Again
Children play in every country. Whether in a war torn country
or an affluent one, wherever there are children, they play.
Whether they use manufactured toys or improvised ones,
whether in groups or on their own, they play. Much of their
play reflects the culture of their community. Children play
because they are imitating adults. Moreover, they need to
play in order to become adults.
Anthropologists have studied many tribes and nations and have
come up with surprisingly uniform findings. It seems that
little girls play skipping games, while chanting jingles and
rhymes, all over the world. They play `house' universally.
Boys play hunting and shooting games in tribes where they
hunt and shoot. They play various ball games, showing good
team spirit or not, also depending on their culture. It does
not need researchers or even child experts to tell us that
children copy adults in their behavior and their play.
At an early age, children don't need toys at all. We give
them toys but the kitchen pots and pans are far more
attractive. So is china, if mother is short-sighted enough to
leave it within reach. [I think the gemora talks of
providing children with crockery they can break.] A bag of
clothes pegs [remember the wooden ones with rounded heads?]
is a wonderful toy. (Did I hear modern mothers asking what
clothespins are?) These young children spend their time
emptying out all the older children's toys with joyous
abandon. The next stage, of putting things back again, comes
much later, to the chagrin of older siblings and mothers.
In a recent article by Rachel Gil, she quotes experts'
opinions on the value of toys and their play value. I wonder
whether those experts have ever been into homes where there
are large families ranging from toddlers to teens? `Balloons
are wonderful toys,' she maintains. "Yanky burst my balloon,"
wails the five-year-old. Then you hear an ominous choking
sound. Baby has eaten one of the pieces of plastic. The truth
is that it is impossible to generalize, but she was referring
to supervised, guided play in that case.
Some toys, which do not appeal to one child, may be excellent
for another. Little boys and dolls, for example. Some
children will do jigsaw puzzles over and over again. Others
are just not interested. If mothers ask around, their friends
will tell them which toy or game they found worthwhile and
even then, they may not buy the right thing. It may happen
that a well meaning relative brings an expensive toy and the
child is delighted with the wrapping paper and the carton.
For that matter, a large grocery carton has great play value,
which supports last week's article, since it is simple and
made of natural material. But after a while, children will
need a change.
Parents read these articles and feel they are doing all the
wrong things. A large percentage of these parents do not have
the money to invest in many toys, anyway.
Of course, one keeps old, battered cars, but if someone gives
your child a new remote control car, you will not be
convinced that it has less play value than the old one.
As for getting them to use their imagination, some children
will, since they are born with imagination, while others are
not. Some children can build the most fantastic edifices with
lego (which is made of plastic, not wood, and not as good for
his development, according to the article). Other children
put one brick on top of the other and tire very quickly.
If a child is genuinely attached to her limbless doll, most
mothers would not throw it out. Some children, like adults,
hoard everything and cannot bear to part with things. Pesach
cleaning is a nightmare for them. One set of grandparents I
know moved house recently. They had kept all their children's
artwork and treasures since the first one began school! These
children are parents of large families by now! Generally,
mothers have a pretty shrewd idea of what is junk and what
still has play value and with a very large family, they do
have to be ruthless sometimes. It is a good idea to give each
child a drawer of his own. When it gets too cluttered, the
child will have to make his own decision as to what to keep
and what to discard. Some children find this difficult. As
adults, will it be just as difficult? Will playing with the
right toys help them change their nature? Some children are
born full of confidence, some are placid, some are naturally
anxious and fretful, some are born leaders, others are
followers. Some are creative, others are stolidly
unimaginative. Toys may develop a child's potential, but I
doubt if they can change his genes.
Last summer I had a fascinating view from my window of a
group of about fifteen boys ranging in age from nine to
twelve. Some enterprising parents had brought them a box of
nails, hammers, saws and a tape measure. One of the youngest
boys was defintely the leader. He sent his co-workers round
the streets to scavenge for wooden planks. He got them
measuring, hammering and sawing. They used an inordinate
amount of energy on their structure and a tremendous amount
of nails were hammered in daily<196>all without adult
direction. I am sure they will remember this wonderful
vacation.
Some neighborhoods have a toy gemach. This is a
wonderful idea in theory but puts added pressure on the
mother, since the same children who do not take care of their
own toys, will repeat the performance with borrowed ones. And
when they bring these back with parts missing, they may
genuinely think they got them in that condition!
My experience as a mother has shown me that ultimately, in
spite of the plethora of toys, sit-and-ride toys, lego and
huge amounts of paper with a variety of writing material and
scissors are the basic children's needs. Incidentally, young
children are very happy to use the back of all letters and
circulars that come in the mail, so save them. Interestingly,
they sometimes choose to color the text side first! These
rules apply to normal children. If a child does not fit into
this picture, parents may have to seek help to stimulate him,
since playing is vital in development.
One final point: most children love when parents play with
them. If you can put aside an hour in the evenings, before
children go to sleep, you will find it very rewarding and
enjoyable. Many mothers groan that they are tired or have no
time, but you will find that you can wind down, too, and
enjoy your children in the bargain.
