If you look carefully at the inner story of a shidduch
with the right eyes, you are bound to find many amazing facts
which point clearly to overt hashgocha protis. The
orchestration of a match is the culmination of thousands of
details involving luck in location, timing, language.
LOCATION
In the mid 1940s, a middle aged New York businessman decided
to go on an original vacation, a coast-to-coast train trip
through the U.S.A.. For months before the vacation, he
collected names, addresses and telephone numbers of
relatives, in-laws, friends and friends-of-friends to be used
as his personal stopover guide to help him see the U.S.A..
His wife opted out, not being very eager to test out all the
roll away beds of third cousins etc. from coast to coast.
Since the selection of kosher food at the time was very
limited, Mr. W. planned his menus very carefully. He would
subsist on sardines, boxes of matzos, fresh fruits and
vegetables, canned goods. He also hoped to scour grocery
stores on the way for jarred gefilte fish, borscht or
anything else edible manufactured by the few existing
reliable kosher food companies.
From the outset, it was obvious that some stops were much
better than others. He recorded his travels, the marvelous
views and sites, the interesting conversations held with
Americans across the country and the wonderful hospitality
received. Elgin, Illinois, was a high point. His hostess,
Sara Cohen, a young married woman, was his cousin's daughter.
She had been sent by her father from Melava, Poland, to New
York during the 1930s to escape the dangers that were
becoming more obvious from day to day in Europe. She moved in
with her cousins, the W's, in New York, and fit right in. She
was treated like one of the children.
She had recently married and was an accomplished
baalebusta. As Mr. W. duly noted in his trip diary,
her hamburgers and chicken were a true delight. The
kashrus was tops, the hospitality warm and beautiful.
Sara, on her part, was thrilled to reciprocate years of
hospitality that she had enjoyed in the home of the W's,
where she had felt so much at home, despite her homesickness
for her immediate family.
Now she had a surprise addition to add to her cousin's
telephone directory. Her husband's sister lived in Los
Angeles, and she was sure Mr. W. would be welcomed there. She
did not even attempt to call her sister-in-law since long
distance calls were an extravaganza in those days, reserved
for news, good or bad, and Rosh Hashona greetings. Mr. W.
continued on his way, stocked with a delicious selection of
Mrs. Cohen's best culinary creations, packed and wrapped with
loving care.
Mr. W. arrived in Los Angeles about three weeks later, late
at night, exhausted and off schedule. Mrs. B., his cousin's
sister-in-law, had not been forewarned of his impeding visit
but welcomed him warmly. He had a quick bite and settled in
for the night. In the morning, he had time to get his
bearings. He suddenly realized that the apartment was quite
small, with a small bedroom for his hostess' two daughters.
She introduced him to her brother-in-law, who had recently
returned from service in the U.S. army during World War II
and was temporarily living with the B's. Looking around the
tiny apartment, Mr. W. suddenly realized that he had slept on
the couch which had been meant to be Mrs. B's brother's bed.
And the young man? Well, he had sized up the accommodations
and slept in a corner of the living room, on the floor,
making sure to get up before the guest arose so that he would
not be caught in the act of his version of hospitality.
One conversation led to another and the businessman felt he
had a great `deal' in the offing. This young fellow was a
gem! Perfect for his very eligible daughter in New York!
Within half a year, the couple met in New York and became
engaged. (Matches did not proceed in those days with the
lightning speed of the turn of this secular century.)
Hospitality had come full circle. The W's had fulfilled true
hachnosas orchim with no ulterior motive for years,
for their cousin's daughter from Poland, one of the last of
her family to leave Europe and one of the sole survivors of
the war. Her host had traveled from coast to coast, upon an
inexplicable urge, and as a direct result of Sara's
hospitality, had found the perfect match for his own
daughter, something not easy to come by for religious
families in those days. An unassuming young man who took it
for granted that hospitality was everyone's obligation, even
if it meant settling for a corner of his host's living room
floor.
It had certainly been a trip worth taking!
LANGUAGE
And a quickie story on hashgocha protis through
language.
Whether you are giving vital information to an interested
party or describing a near and dear one to a shadchan,
try to speak clearly in a loshon hora- free manner.
Watch your words. Great matches have been built on few words.
The following is true:
A grandmother was describing a superb girl she happened to
know. "Not that she's my granddaughter -- but she really is
wonderful!"
One hour later, the other woman gets a call, "What we're
looking for is a wonderful girl." No more, no less. A
shidduch was made.
