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Home
and Family
Unplugged
by Miriam Luxenberg
Not long ago, I read an article about the phone which said,
among other things, that Bezek has rigged things so that it
is practically impossible to miss any opportunity to use your
phone. Between call waiting, Star 41 and 42, the ta
koli answering service, pelephones, faxes etc. there
doesn't seem to be anywhere to hide anymore, and the phone
company is getting rich on us, besides.
Well, that got me thinking. Call waiting and cellular phones
I didn't much care for, but listening to my answering service
was the first thing I did after returning home from anywhere,
and I was rapidly becoming addicted to other expensive Bezek
features. Besides that, any time there was a lull in the day,
a shmooze with a friend on the phone gave me a real
pickup. As enjoyable as these activities were, I didn't like
thinking I was being taken advantage of in the midst of
them.
One thing led to another, and guess what happened? We
unplugged our phone. Not completely, mind you, for the shock
of withdrawal would probably have been too great. We can
still receive incoming calls. But for all intents and
purposes, I am out of touch.
Surprising, isn't it? Many months later, people are still
asking me how I can possibly manage. Well, I have a question
for them. How could I not manage? How do they manage with
it?
One of the reasons we unplugged was to free up part of my
husband's financial burden so that he could concentrate more
on his learning. Another reason was because we bought an
apartment in Eretz Yisrael with a mortgage. With these two
mitzvos in the forefront, how could I not have
heavenly assistance?
Immediately after the momentous (and admittedly traumatic --
despite the seeming bravado) day, two neighbors volunteered
unlimited use of their phone. Although I try to only use the
pay phone, I have taken advantage of their kind offer when
dire need arises. One neighbor even calls periodically and
asks me if there is anyone I need to call, and then makes the
calls for me. There have been times when I have been truly
desperate, such as when a child's transportation hasn't shown
up, but somehow, a solution always presented itself.
The most commonly asked question is: "But what if there's an
emergency?" Boruch Hashem, there hasn't been, but 101,
102 and 103 are free calls, anyway, and go through without
outgoing phone service. Not a day goes by when I don't run
into someone I need to call, or they call me, or someone else
is heading in their direction. I have become an expert at
task delegation, because coordinating anything has become too
difficult. In some ways, life is more complicated and
requires more thought and planning, but on the other hand, I
feel like a burden has been lifted from me and my life has
become much easier.
I had spent many a morning doggedly pursuing an elusive thing
via the phone, only to end up disappointed, nothing
accomplished and a morning gone. Nowadays, things get done,
but in a slower, less pressurized, more deliberate way. If I
have a list of calls to make, each one gets one or two tries
and that's it until tomorrow, or next week. I was very
surprised to discover that nothing terrible was happening and
that, in fact, I was more organized than before, because
there was so much more time available for those projects that
never seem to get done. Also, I've been writing more letters
[and several articles for Yated], and getting answers because
an unfortunate victim of the unplugging was my beloved e-
mail! But still and all, it's such a relief not to get that
huge phone bill at the end of the month.
I love opening the bill and seeing the final amount: 73
shekel service charge and no more. I wanted to frame the
first bill to hang on the wall! I finally feel a personal
sacrifice for my husband's learning and for Eretz Yisroel.
But the truth is that it doesn't even feel like a sacrifice
any more because of all the benefits!
The first, of course, is much less opportunity to speak
loshon hora, fewer misunderstandings, mixed messages
and other human communications problems. I think much more
carefully about calling my husband and disturbing him during
the day, and have become much more careful and deliberate
about things in general. I do much more visiting and have
much more human contact. A call is like eating a sweet snack,
while a visit gives a much more meat-and-potatoes satisfied
feeling. Real nourishment! I have found that my
davening has improved because my mind is not racing
ahead to the million phone calls I have to make, and I am not
on the phone watching zman tefilla passing me by while
I'm trapped in a conversation. Many an afternoon had passed
with me on the phone, the sun rapidly setting, and the
children frantic and screaming for their supper.
Did I mention children? How fortunate, for therein lies the
biggest dividend of the entire project. Have you ever wanted
your house to be "just the way you've always wanted it," but
it never seems to happen? I wouldn't say every day, but much
more than before, and perhaps not always neatwise, but in
atmosphere. Because I am mentally present for my children at
all times, things never go too far off kilter. Many
afternoons have found the children sitting peacefully around
the table coloring, cutting and pasting and talking to each
other, without any outside distractions! Can you imagine
that? (The other thing that helped this along was that
shortly after we unplugged the phone, we got rid of the
couch. But that'll have to wait for a different article.)
Every now and then the phone will ring, but I'm so out of
practice that an hour long shmooze is no longer
possible or even enjoyable for me, and when I do need to
talk, or get a call from America, the children will wait
patiently, because it's not something they must compete with
often any more.
I'm not recommending that everybody try this. [Ed. This is
the writer who urged us to bake challos every Friday
morning, remember?] Many of us are dependent on our phones
for many important reasons. For a few years, one of my
children was chronically ill and I couldn't have managed
without reaching my doctor. I'm only reporting that it can be
done, and when there's a will, there's a way. It's worth
trying even for a short time. [Three Weeks, Nine Days... Like
a Taanis Dibbur of sorts.]
It's a good opportunity to hear yourself think and to be open
to the inner bas kol, and the outer one, should it
ever reach you. That's one message you wouldn't want to miss,
and it would be a shame if Hashem wanted to tell you
something and He got call-waiting...
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