Having a child thrown out of a yeshiva or Bais Yaakov is the
ultimate shock and wake-up call for many parents. What then?
Where do embarrassed and frightened parents turn?
CounterForce's Outreach program is there to help in the U.S.
Six months ago, CounterForce received funding to step up its
outreach efforts. Now instead of only helping the teens
referred to them, Outreach is actively seeking the
adolescents who have been kicked out or dropped out of
yeshivos or Bais Yaakovs. CounterForce hopes to reach 150
teenagers this year with the goal of getting most back into
school. For those who cannot make it in a school setting,
vocational training or job placement in a frum seviva
is another option.
Outreach has grown with the realization that we are no longer
immune to the ills of society. No longer are the problem
children only from problem families. Many frum,
yeshivishe, chassidishe, and choshuve families
have been burdened with the tza'ar of adolescent
rebellions gone too far.
The past decade has seen a mushrooming of the number of teens
dropping out of yeshivos and Bais Yaakovs. The average
dropout, according to Rabbi Zakutinsky, is about 15 years old
and, contrary to popular belief, is not learning disabled.
"Boruch Hashem, in our community, our world, the level
of academic achievement is very high," said CounterForce's
program director Moshe Wangrofsky. "Our expectations of
chessed, tzidkus, and tznius are way beyond
those of the outside world. All this is good, but a person in
trouble feels additional guilt for not reaching those
heights."
Although the program is not currently functioning outside of
the United States, its staff has developed a set of
guidelines that are helpful for parents all over the
world.
Eight Guidelines for Parents from CounterForce
* If your child appears to be moody or unhappy, find out why.
Don't settle for the answer: "Nothing's wrong."
* Share your life with your adolescent. If you had a
miserable day, tell him.
* Learn to shmooze with your teen. Have a cup of
coffee with him and get reacquainted.
* Start communicating with your children as soon as they are
verbal. Listen to the bubbemaasehs even if they are
long and boring so your children get accustomed to talking
with you.
* Don't be judgmental, be tolerant. Try to find the good in
your children.
* If all else fails, treat your teen with the same courtesy
you would extend to a neighbor's child.
* Children like accomplishing tasks. Give them chores to do
because success reinforces their self-esteem.
* Parents shouldn't be afraid that their child's behavior
during his teenage years is exactly how he is going to be for
life. Teenagers experiment.
