The Gaon, HaRav Chizkiyohu Medini, author of Sdeh Chemed, used to say that he wasn't particularly talented as a child. When he married, he studied in a beis medrash which was supported by a very wealthy gvir. He did not display unique abilities, but he was very diligent. One day, something happened that changed his life.
Someone who was very jealous of the young masmid bribed the yeshiva's gentile cook into besmirching Rabbi Chizkiyohu's character. The bribe was quite large and the cook eagerly spread the slander, causing a great chilul Hashem.In shame, the Sdeh Chemed fled from his hometown.
However, the gvir did not believe the slander and dismissed the cook. The bribery money sufficed her for a while. However when it was spent, hunger took its toll. In bitterness, she approached the Sdeh Chemed and begged his forgiveness. She even agreed to publicize the fact that the libel had been false, and that ploni had bribed her to spread it. She also pleaded with the Sdeh Chemed to persuade the gvir to rehire her.
The Sdeh Chemed was faced with a dilemma. If he agreed to publicize the truth, the perpetrator of the libel would be disgraced and further chillul Hashem would take place. If he did not accept the cook's offer, he would be foregoing a one-time opportunity to clear his name.
As he pondered the matter, he was filled with misgivings and reservations. Should he remain forever disgraced? Or should he stand on his honor, and let the guilty party suffer the consequences of his actions? After much soul-searching, he told the woman that he would ask the gvir to rehire her, under one condition: that she promise never to reveal the name of the person who had bribed her, nor to disclose any details concerning the incident. Happily, she agreed to his terms.
Later he told an acquaintance that the moment he reached this decision, wellsprings of wisdom opened up inside him. From then on, he received an unusual measure of siyata deShmaya (Divine Aid), and his fame began to spread. Instead of losing, he had won. Instead of sustaining dishonor, he acquired glory.
The Great Debate
The question,``Who is the most heroic figure in the world?'' was once posed. Someone suggested: ``The donkey, that slight creature who shoulders such heavy burdens.''
``I say the mule,'' someone else piped up. ``He bears even heavier loads.''
``What about the elephant; he drags whole tree trunks through the forests.''
``None of have guessed correctly. The lion is the world's most heroic figure. The beasts of the forest cower in fear of him. He's king!''
``Ach, ach, a General is even greater than a lion. With one clever tactic, he conquers a city.''
Our Sages approach this question quite differently. They don't view heroism as a physical feat, but rather as a manifestation of spiritual stamina. ``Who is brave? He who conquers his yetzer.'' He who does not allow anger to overcome him, is braver than the General; he who is patient is better than the war hero.
Being forgoing, though, is not only heroic; it is actually profitable. Yet how one defines such profit depends on one's level of maturity.
A child grasps a stick and shouts ``Giddiup! Giddiup!'' He imagines that he is seated on the back of a mighty steed. But he's only a little boy and his world view is limited. He might dream of being a garbage collector. When he matures, he will be ashamed of such childish dreams. He will realize that there are more honorable professions.
Adults too, often relegate important aims and goals to peripheral positions and devote their energies to vain pursuits. Even those who know that Absolute Truth is achieved by following G-d's will, frequently abandon their lofty aspirations for fear of being derided by their peers.
The Chofetz Chaim cites the example of one who opens a new shop in the marketplace. Disdainfully, his competitors say: ``We've been plying this trade for years. We have steady customers and are well-seasoned merchants. Nevertheless, we barely earn livings. Try your luck somewhere else.''
If the new shopkeeper ignores their taunts and perseveres at his trade, he may eventually enjoy success. When good fortune shines on him, he will tell his detractors: `Had I listened to you, I would be a pauper, today. I succeeded because I remained steadfast.
``So it is with our Divine Service. If a person is `fierce as a tiger to do G-d's will' and focuses on the truth, he will eventually merit all the good that is reserved for those who labor in Torah and observe the mitzvos. Then he will be able to `answer the scoffers'. '' (Misholey HaChofetz Chaim Part Eight, 36).
The same holds true for the acquisition of character traits. To be truly foregoing, one must learn to discern between genuine and counterfeit profits and goals. Let us say that someone insulted, embarrassed or distressed me. The yetzer hora suggests: ``Answer him back. Teach him a lesson he'll never forget. One day he'll need you — ho! ho! And then you'll show him who's who.''
But when the yetzer speaks that way, pause for a moment and ask yourself: What is more worthwhile, a moment of revenge, or a lifetime spent as one who has perfected his middos tovos? Such thinking simplifies the decision process. It enables one to realize that one has no choice but to be foregoing.
The Immense Reward of One Who Is Forbearing
Many other benefits accrue to one who is forgoing (hama'avir al midosav). ``Rabba said: `He who forgoes his right [to exact punishment] is forgiven all his iniquities, as [the prophet Michah] says `Forgiving iniquity and passing by transgression' Who is forgiven iniquity? One who overlooks transgression [against himself].
Rav Huna the son of Rav Joshua was once ill. Rav Papa went to inquire about him and asked, "What did you see [in your illness]?"
He replied, `It was indeed as you thought. [I was in mortal danger,] but the Holy One, blessed be He, said to them [the angels]: `Because he does not insist upon his rights, do not be particular with him.' (Rosh Hashanah 17).''
Rabbi Yekusiel Ziskind, the father of Rabbi Refoel HaCohen of Hamburg, taught that the forgoing person merits a long life. He derived this teaching from Chagigah 4, where it is written that the unspent years of a person who dies before his time are given to rabbinic scholars who have overlooked things that hurt them.
Megilloh 28 relates: ``Rabbi Akiva asked Rabbi Nechunia the Great: `In virtue of what have you reached such an old age?' [Among the many reasons he offered was] : `Never in my life have I insisted on retribution [when wronged].' ''
However, one who is forgoing not only benefits himself but also mankind, for as Chazal taught, ``the world is maintained on the merit of one who curbs (bolem) his mouth during an argument. Their usage of the word ``curb'' indicates that they are describing a person whose feelings of anger are mounting, yet in mid-statement, he seizes control of himself and curbs his anger. Ostensibly, such a person has lost the argument; in Heaven's eyes, he is the victor.
Why do Chazal compare one who remains silent when insulted to ``the sun in all its glory (Yoma 23)''? Just as the sun melts snow, so he who is he is foregoing melts the antipathy of even his most virulent enemies, and eventually arouses their feelings of love towards him. Like the sun, which dispels frost, so he dispels hatred. Just as the sun did not react when offended by the moon, so he does not react when offended.
This was first published in Yated Ne'eman, Elul, 5749.
