The Importance of Recognizing Strengths
Chinuch is crucial in every area, whether it be in
Torah, mitzvos or the awareness of eternal values. Everyone,
regardless of age or station in life, can be aided by
education. Embodied in education is a treasury of wisdom
which includes theories and knowledge, and which is strongly
geared towards practical application.
As Chazal express it in Yalkut Shimoni (Yeshaya): The
words of Torah train a person to mitzvos, the Torah itself
educates a person, and by walking in its light, he merits the
World to Come.
In this context, we will bring insights of the gedolim
throughout the generations.
The Rambam explains the posuk: "Educate a child
according to his nature," as follows: Not to command, but
rather to educate so that a person should want to obey of his
own accord. This means that rather than order the child
around, the aim is for him to be motivated from within to
follow the right path. In the parshoh of Krias
Shema, the Rambam explains the words, "And you shall
speak in them," to mean that you should speak of them until
the child himself speaks of them of his own accord. We want
to attain the level where the child absorbs the message he
receives from his teacher and makes it his own.
For this reason, as Rabbeinu Yonah writes in his Gates of
Repentance, we have to know the strengths and intrinsic
qualities of our children/disciples. The mechanech
should always reflect: How did I behave when I was his
age? What kind of things did I want? It is crucial to look
deep inside the child and understand him well.
Educating In Accordance With A Person's Nature
In parshas Pinchas it says, "Take Joshua, the son of
Nun, a man in whom is spirit." Rashi explains that he knew
how to go against the spirit of each and every person. This
means that Joshua was able to relate to each person in
accordance with his nature: whether the person was compulsive
or easy going, he responded to each according to his own way
of thinking.
The Vilna Gaon explains in his Even Shlomoh that this
does not mean that we have to tolerate everyone's extreme
tendencies and approve them (for example, finickiness, anger,
etc.). However, we must not act contrary to the nature of a
person but rather work with his nature and try to improve
him.
Chazal tell us that King David was born under the
astrological sign of Mars, which predisposed him towards
bloodshed. Of course it is impossible to take a fiery,
vivacious child and force him to behave like a quiet, mild
mannered child. However as the Vilna Gaon says, in such a
case, we have to channel his strengths. His tempestuous
energies and tendency towards bloodshed can be directed in a
positive way, so that he can become a surgeon, for example.
It would be even better to encourage him to become a
shochet, as that involves a mitzvah.
The most ideal profession for him, however, is to be a
mohel! The child's predisposition toward bloodshed
will thereby be channeled to a proper and constructive
outlet. King David waged holy wars, utilizing his fiery
nature to fight the battles of Hashem.
The Vilna Gaon explains that a person has to be educated in a
manner that befits his character traits, working with his
nature and not against it. There are ways of handling a
compulsive person, for example, and ways of handling a mellow
person. Furthermore, there are times when a specific
character trait has to be utilized and other times when a
different quality is called for.
Every character trait has its place. This applies even to
anger, although this trait should be used sparingly and
gently! We must assess the extent that each trait is needed
and its appropriateness.
This is actually the way in which the rishonim explain
the concept of middos: This concept derives from the
word middoh, which means measure or limitation. We
must constantly assess how far to distance ourselves from a
middoh and how far to draw it closer to us. The aim is
to apply the correct dosage.
The Power Of Patience
This lofty goal cannot be reached without first acquiring the
quality of patience. This is the trait that enables us to
develop tolerance of others. We should strive to acquire this
quality even if we are confident that we already possess it.
It is crucial to work on improving it.
Many years ago, HaRav Wolbe, the outstanding educator and
mashgiach, chose a group of twelve young, prominent
avreichim who had tranquil and stable homes. For a
period of six months he worked with them on developing the
quality of patience. To everyone's astonishment, the results
showed that all the wives, without exception, witnessed a
significant change in their households. HaRav Wolbe commented
that this demonstrates that even where a person already
possesses this quality, it behooves him to work on further
improving it.
Once a kallah came to a rov on the day of her wedding
after minchah, to request a brochoh for her
marriage. The rov asked her what she had davened for
that day. She replied: "I davened that all my life I
will love my chosson to the extent that I am happy
with him today." A beautiful prayer, indeed!
The rov answered with a message which, though true, in
retrospect, should not have been said on her wedding day. He
told her: "You should know that you won't always feel this
way because, as we all know, married life has its ups and
downs." Then he added, "Keep on davening that together
with the love you will have patience, so that when the more
difficult times come, you will wait patiently until the good
times are restored!"
A Personal, Warm Relationship
HaRav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt'l once gave advice to
a teacher starting out that he found extremely helpful. The
Rov said, "If you want to succeed in education, always treat
your students with pleasantness, warmth and gentleness, in
the mode of `the right hand drawing them closer.' As for the
saying: `Throw bile at your talmidim,' well, do that
once every two months, just so they see that their teacher
also knows how to get angry once in a while. If you treat
them with gentleness and love, you will be successful!"
His words perfectly characterized his own approach, whose
entire being exuded radiance, love, and the ability to focus
his complete attention on others.
The Rov treated every talmid in this manner. Once a
talmid missed one of his shiurim. When the Rov
met him the next time he said: "I really felt your absence at
the shiur today." Even though he had 45 other students
in his shiur, he had still missed him.
From that day on, for two years, he never missed a single one
of his shiurim. No matter what pressures he was under,
the words of the Rov always came back to him and he was
acutely conscious of him waiting for me. Such was the power
of that one sentence: "I felt your absence at the
shiur today."
The talmid said that in the years he worked as a
mechanech, he utilized this advice frequently and it
was highly beneficial. He saw what a tremendous impact it has
when the talmidim see that a teacher cares about them
and takes an interest in them, so that they feel missed when
they are absent.
When I began teaching, he made it my primary rule to give my
talmidim the sense of being wanted and important.
The Mashgiach, of Kol Torah, the gaon and
tzaddik, HaRav Gedaliah Eisemann shlita once
gave advice on how to handle talmidim of many
different levels in shiurim. A rebbi told him that
when he lowers the level of his shiurim, the stronger
talmidim become bored, whereas when he raises the
level, the weaker talmidim cannot grasp the
material.
HaRav Eisemann responded with the following rule: Give over
the shiur on a level such that all the students will
understand most of the shiur, and most of the
talmidim will grasp all of the shiur.
