What We Keep
She remembers walking through their home after they had
finally decided to move. They were about to fulfill their
dream of moving to Eretz Yisrael, and they needed to figure
out what to take with them. As Gila walked through their
spacious, three-floor home, she realized that there was
actually very little that they would be able to keep. They
were moving into an apartment in Jerusalem that was a third
of the size of their home. At first this had made Gila
nervous. How would she cope with seven children in a tiny
apartment? But then she reminded herself why they were
moving, and she was comforted.
The truth was that despite the frum environment of
their yeshiva community in America, they had become more and
more materialistic as the years passed. At first, it had been
just about baby equipment when their first child was born.
They wanted him to have the best quality of everything. So
they shopped for hours for a crib, stroller, changing table,
high chair and all the little toys that had to be only the
"best." And then as their family expanded, Chaim began
working more and more hours so that they could afford a
house. And after they bought the house, they suddenly needed
two cars because now they were far from all of the stores.
And after they had two cars, it began to look like the
mismatched furniture in their home wasn't good enough
anymore.
Gila had picked out each piece of furniture with such love
and care. But for some reason, it seemed like their needs
were endless. An appliance would suddenly look old or a child
would get to an age when he needed a different type of
furniture. Why did it never end? She had been so proud of
their home at the beginning, but then, last Rosh Hashonoh,
the gravity of their situation had suddenly descended upon
her.
She was cooking for the meals and Chaim was working late as
usual. Her eleven-year-old son was sitting at the table
studying for a gemora exam when suddenly he looked up
at her with frustration in his eyes.
"Ima, why am I spending so much time on this when really I
just want to be a businessman like Abba?"
Gila dropped the spoon she was using and was about to protest
that Abba was a great talmid chochom. But then she
realized that she didn't even know what his learning schedule
was any more. They had started marriage as a regular
kollel couple, and now she assumed that he learned at
specified times. But her son never saw his father learning!
And now that she thought about it, she couldn't imagine when
Chaim could even manage to learn with the crazy working
schedule that he had.
How had it come to this point?
She looked around at their state-of-the-art kitchen with its
gleaming white counters and felt tears spring to her eyes.
Their whole life was headed in the wrong direction. What was
the point of all of these knick knacks and fancy appliances?
And as she picked the spoon up off the floor, she remembered
an eerie picture that she had once seen at Yad Vashem.
It had shocked her at the time, and now it came back to her
vividly. It was a picture of the Jews in Warsaw moving into
the ghetto. They were pulling huge wagons filled with chairs,
beds, and dressers. The picture had looked absurd to her.
Where did they think they were going? Didn't they know that
they couldn't bring all of that with them? Didn't they know
that it would just be an extra burden?
And now Gila saw that they were actually doing the same
thing. That night, right before Rosh Hashonoh, she had told
Chaim that she was finally ready to move to Eretz Yisrael.
She wanted him to learn full time again. She wanted them to
leave behind all of these "things" that had somehow seemed
essential when they bought them.
Chaim was ecstatic when he heard Gila's words. For years he
had dreamed of learning in Jerusalem. And now it was a year
later, and they were finally ready to pack for the big
move.
As Gila walked from room to room, running her hand along the
expensive leather couch and the silk curtains, she felt a
burden lifting from her each time she decided that they
didn't need a piece of furniture. All of these beautiful
things were weighing them down. And in the end, when they
arrived at the Other Side, they wouldn't be able to take any
of it with them anyway.
So Gila turned to the seforim, the Shabbos
candlesticks and the Kiddush cups. She began to pack with an
incredible sense of lightness filling her heart. The real
wealth was inside of them and would soon fill their tiny
apartment in Jerusalem.
What we keep, Gila thought, is not something that
we can see and hold. It is far stronger and more beautiful
than we can imagine. And it is forever.
