Any interior decorator will tell you, "If you want your home
to seem more inviting, welcoming, spacious and warmer, add
more light." As in your physical realm, in the spiritual
realm, this also holds true. A home filled with light is a
home children love to come home to. It gives them a warm
feeling. It brings forth feelings of happiness, security and
closeness.
How can we add more light to our homes? Let's walk through,
step by step.
THE ENTRANCE
The entryway is the last memory of your home which children
take with them during the day. And it is the place to which
they look forward to returning. Send them off with a
blessing, a hug, a smile. When they come back, let positive
energy surround them. Accept whatever they want to share with
you.
Save any discussions of problems, questions, homework and
tests for later.
On the way out and on the way in, feelings are more important
than information, reminders and questions. Sure, there's
concern behind our reminders to take that sweater and not to
forget to hand in the permission slip and our questions about
what was on the test and how much homework there is to do by
tomorrow. But children don't always feel that concern.
Try squeezing your reminders and questions in earlier and
later. In the hallway, focus on, "Have a wonderful day,
honey!" and "I'm so glad you're back. How was your day?" [For
husbands, too.]
THE LIVING ROOM AND DINING ROOM
The light of the living room should create a warm, intimate
feelng of the family being together. This is the place to
focus on harmonious relationships between family members, and
communication. Take time to talk to the children and listen
even more.
In today's busy world, the living room often becomes a
"passing through room," with each person rushing off in a
different direction, to a different activity. Even on
Shabbos, for some families, there is almost no time to spend
together. Each person leaves to attend his/her own
shiurim, Tehillim group or other activity. These are
definitely worthwhile, but there is also value in spending
time together as a family, learning together, discussing
hashkofa, playing games that create positive feeling
in the family or having your own private oneg Shabbos
with zemiros, divrei Torah and snacks.
Children take great pride in being part of a school group,
youth group or club. One of the most important groups they
should feel connected to is their own family!
THE KITCHEN
As we all know, in the kitchen the light must be very strong.
We have to see what we are doing, and we have plenty to do!
Yet, it is precisely in that room flooded with light that we
may find ourselves not noticing something. Our child —
standing on the side, looking for some attention.
There are definitely times where we just cannot divert our
attention to listen to the story our daughter heard in
gan, look at the homework, or concentrate on our
child's questions. It is actually good for children to
realize that parents have things to get done, and are not
always available. But, at the same time, it is important to
show sensitivity to their feelings. Try giving them something
to do while they wait until you are available to focus on
them. Maybe they would like to help peel the vegetables or
wash the dishes until you finish getting the casserole in the
oven. Then, you can sit down with them and give them your
undivided attention for a few minutes.
THE BEDROOMS
In the children's rooms, the light should be strong enough to
create a pleasant place for playing, doing homework, and
spending time with friends. Let your children create an
environment that expresses their individuality, their needs
and their dreams.
Help them enjoy their privacy, maintain some order and
organization, and develop harmonious relationships with the
siblings who share the room.
Next to their bed, it is nice to include a small reading
lamp, for them to use before they go to sleep. Likewise, the
time before Shema should be a time of serenity, comfort and
harmony. This is the perfect time for a private discussion,
with lots of listening and acceptance.
It is late at night. It is cold and dark outside. You check
each blanket. On each pillow rests a child's face, eyes
closed, smiling lips. Baruch Hashem, they live in a home
filled with light.
