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Channeling
by Rosally Saltsman
I've had an insight about myself. Most of my mistakes are not
errors of behavior but errors of misplaced behavior. In other
words, it's not so much how I act but when and where that
causes problems. The Rambam points out that it isn't our
character traits per se that are problematic but the extent
that we manifest them and under what circumstances.
For example, it's wonderful to be nurturing with our
children, perhaps with older parents, maybe siblings, even
occasionally our spouse. But being nurturing with friends or
coworkers can be problematic. Self-disclosure and postured
charm may be a good thing on a date, but one shouldn't behave
with an employer or employee as one would on a
shidduch. Indignation is appropriate maybe with a
student or a naughty child but don't try this with your
friends. Deep introspection and considering the consequences
of our choices is vital but not necessarily at the
supermarket.
We have a broad spectrum of middos and attitudes; a
deeper side and a lighter side, a serious side and a playful
side. All are wonderful, part of us, made to be used in our
unique way of serving Hashem, contributing to the world,
being our individual selves, but timing is everything. This
is obvious no? Self-explanatory.
Why am I reinventing the wheel or revving it in neutral.
Because as obvious as this is, we — at least I —
don't always apply it and this gets me into trouble. The
parameters of our relationships dictate the borders of our
interaction. And we have to be careful not to overstep our
boundaries. I, personally, am not good with limits and
certainly we shouldn't be inextricably bound by them.
However, just as we channel our energies discriminately, we
have to do the same with our emotions and make sure we give
the best of ourselves in the best possible ways.
So you, dear readers get my most philosophical, self-
analytical, perceptive side. I hope that's appropriate.
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