Another job had come to an end. My colleagues had invited me
to lunch and as I approached the gate of my erstwhile
employment, the guard asked to check my bag. I got annoyed.
"What do you mean, `check my bag?' I've been working here for
two years. You've been saying good morning to me several
times a week for a year." He stammered and told me he had to
check the bags of everyone he didn't recognize. I let him
peek into the depths of my handbag and entered the premises
bemused and angry -- until it dawned on me.
He hadn't recognized me. While I would usually slouch
into work about 9 a.m. wearing glasses, a snood or kerchief
and no make-up, I had shown up on this day in full reglia,
wearing a shietel, contact lenses, make-up and a
"Let's do lunch" outfit. Since my contact with him had
consisted of a fleeting glance and perfunctory nod, he based
his recognition of me on external trappings and when he saw
something different, it didn't jibe.
This not an unusual occurrence for religious women who may
look almost unidentifiable from their domestic or work selves
when they get all dressed up with somewhere to go. I've
actually had someone ask me for myself when they had seen me
one way and come to the door encountering whom they thought
was another person.
All this goes to show how uncharacteristic of us external
appearances are. They are so alterable that we can literally
become someone else in a matter of minutes. We can change the
cut and color of our hair or sheitel; tinted contact
lenses offer us an assortment of colors for our eyes; shoes
can alter our height; and although losing weight is a
challenge for most of us, gaining certainly isn't, and the
loss or gain of a couple of kilos also leaves its mark. Add
to that appearance-modifying accessories such as glasses,
hats and jewelry and voila! Even your best friend -- or your
own baby! -- wouldn't recognize you. Oh, but she would,
because to her, you are more than skin deep.
This same "now you see me, now you don't" philosophy cannot
be said of the inner you. Mussar leaders have long discussed
the difficulty of changing even one character trait. Among
baalei tshuva, the `easiest' thing to change is their
dress. You can be Shomer Shabbos for merely one week, but
wearing long sleeves and a high neckline -- you're seen, at
least at eye-level, as `belonging.'
Our external appearance in terms of our clothes and our look
says little about us. It is ephemeral and a reflection of our
fickle and fashion-addicted natures. Even our physical
appearance, though it may reveal something of the soul it
envelops, both changes over time and becomes insignificant to
people with whom we forge bonds.
The true `us,' the `we' that matters, finds expression in our
thoughts, our words, our deeds and those inexpressible
feelings that are between us, ourselves and Hashem.
*
I went back a few minutes later to explain to the guard what
I understood had happened, but he once again explained that
he had to check those people whom he did not recognize.
We must get to know others in terms of who they are so that
we recognize more than their outer selves and, of course, we
must also seek to recognize our true selves.
