Their sixth son was born last week. Mazel Tov! Now, once
again, they would have to choose a name.
There were, boruch Hashem, still two grandfathers and
one great- grandfather living. The others already had a
namesake in this family. To name him after a beloved uncle
who had passed away not long before? He had a large family of
children who would all bestow his name on their offspring.
Something to do with that week's parsha was also a
possibility. Husband's revered Rebbe was not an option as it
was the same name as that of the wife's father.
Just to choose a name they both liked? That was quite
difficult, too, as they did not like the same names!
Parents, however young they are, have the right to bestow a
name on their child. However, it is not so simple. One of
their parents might have lost a mother or father recently,
and is determined that the name shall carry on in the family.
What happens if the young mother positively detests that
name?
The new baby will be called `Plonit' because they didn't want
to upset their mother, but as the child grows, she will know
full well that the mother dislikes that name, and the dislike
is passed on to the child. If the young mother adored this
grandmother, this will influence her thoughts on this old
cognomen, and the child will probably grow to like her name.
Alternatively, they can give two names, to give the child a
choice of using the other when she matures.
A name is a very personal entity into which the child grows.
It happens frequently that children called after a particular
grandparent are somehow very similar to the deceased, be it
in looks or character. In fact, parents look out for
similarities to any namesake when they give the name, which
is why there is such a preponderance of Eliezer Menachem Mann
lately.
If we analyze the reasons for liking or disliking a name, we
will find that there are either some negative or positive
connotations which we have encountered, either in real life
or in stories. For instance, Rochel is a far more popular and
widespread name than Leah. Incidentally, this had even spread
among non-Jews, where there are many Rachels but far fewer
Leahs.
If parents give only one name, and it is a particularly
popular name, there may well be problems when it comes to a
shidduch. Names are personal, they are a part of us.
Thus a girl might be unwilling to change her name if her
future mother-in-law has the same one.
One of the gedolim was approached by the parents of a
young girl who was averse to changing her name. He told the
parents to leave her alone, and leave the shidduch in
abeyance. After a couple of weeks, the girl said that she had
thought it over and as she liked the boy, she was prepared to
change her name.
Psychologists claim that it is risky to call a child after a
famous figure in the hopes and expectations that he will
emulate his namesake. Expecting a child to become something
which is far beyond his ability often backfires, they say.
Nevertheless, Chazal tell us that Hashem puts the right
intentions into the minds of the father so that he will give
the correct name which is designated for this particular
child.
We see with the spies which Moshe Rabbenu sent, that some
names have a positive influence on the bearer (he added a
yud to Yehoshua, praying that Hashem, for which it
stands, would save him from evil counsel), and others, the
exact opposite. If a child bears the name of a particular
tzaddik, it might have such a positive effect on him
that if he is, G-d forbid, tempted to stray from the correct
path, he might reconsider, as it would be a pity to sully
that name.
People who live outside Israel often give a non-Jewish name
for the birth certificate. There was a case of a man who
insisted that his children's birth certificates bear the
Jewish name without any Anglicization. All of his children
went to University, and were teased mercilessly about their
`funny' names.
When they, in turn, had children, they gave them real English
names, names of princes or famous generals. These children,
unlike their parents, went only to Jewish schools, and not to
any non-Jewish higher places of learning. When they had to
fill in their English names for public examinations, they,
too, were teased... for their strange `goyish' names! Their
own young children now only have traditional names! Full
circle.
A person may be proud of his strange or unusual name, or he
may be ashamed of it. It very much depends on the parents who
do not hide their views. If the parents show their daughter
that they are proud of her and love her just because she
bears that particular name, she will walk into school with
her head held high, and nobody will think of teasing her.
Particularly nowadays, when people invent all kinds of names,
let our children bear the names of their ancestors, even if
they are old-fashioned or strange, and let them follow in the
old traditions!
