Two friends met at the wedding of a mutual friend's son. One
remarked to the other, "Do you realize what a treasure this
chosson is? He is outstanding in every way. I heard
from a reliable source that all the shadchonim in town
and out of town have been after him with all the best
suggestions."
"Oh, really? I've been away for a while and had no idea that
our friend Shimon had such a wonderful son."
A small unbidden thought came to each of the two during the
chupa. "Why didn't I deserve a son like this? What has
Shimon done to get such a splendid fellow?"
Neither of the two friends understood the tears which flowed
from Shimon's eyes. Only he and his wife knew of the life
they had had with this boy until they finally got him to the
chuppa. How they had prayed desperately for a child
and finally, after all those barren years, this puny little
premature baby had arrived. The doctors had doubted that he
would survive, but finally, he was out of danger and ready to
begin his life.
When he started cheder, it was obvious that he just
could not keep up with the pace of the class. He developed
emotional and social problems. His parents engaged private
teachers for him, invested time and money in his education,
and prayed fervently for this boy. They did everything to
enhance his self-esteem. He had a very difficult time during
his teens, two steps up and one step down, year after year,
with his parents supporting him all the way. Now, finally, on
his wedding day, they were reaping their well-earned
nachas.
*
Just before Yom Tov, Tzivia wanted a new outfit for her litle
boy. She went into one of the evening sales and was surprised
to see that the store was owned by Shoshana, a friend from
Seminary days. She would have liked to chat with her, but
although she had an assistant, Shoshana was rushed off her
feet with customers. Tzivia went home feeling glum. Here she
was, a typist in an office far from home. It was demanding
work with very little pay, whereas her friend had just opened
a shop next to her house, worked only in the evenings and was
obviously making money hand over fist.
What Tzivia did not know was that Shoshana was also busy much
of the day, ordering new stock, keeping her accounts
straight, etc. Nor did she know of the annoyance caused when
customers returned faulty goods or came with other
complaints. Apart from which, Tzivia had come just before Yom
Tov, when everyone suddenly wanted something new for the
children. What about the normal weeks when hardly a customer
entered the store, yet Shoshana still had to pay rent for the
premises? Lastly, Tzivia had no idea of the cut-throat
competition in the business, when Shoshana often had to sell
clothes at almost cost price, or at the end of the season,
when in order to get rid of the stock, she had to sell items
at a loss to make room for new goods...
*
When they had their sixth child, Rochel and her husband
decided that it was cheaper to build an extension onto their
three-roomed flat rather than look around for larger
premises. Their flat was on the fourth floor, so they were
able to build an upstairs on the roof of the building, which
doubled their existing living quarters. Her friend Chani came
to see the place when it was finished and was entranced by
the luxury of it all. Everything was so well- planned, in the
best of taste -- beautiful modern floor tiles, ceramic
bathroom tiles and state-of-the-art fixtures. Nothing was
lacking. At home, Chani suddenly felt the deficiency in her
own standard of living.
What Chani did not take into consideration was the months of
discomfort Rochel had suffered during the renovations when
she had to move into a tiny flat and endure the constant
unbearable noise and the aggravation of the extra time it
took, over and above what the builder had promised so that
they finally had had to make Pesach in their tiny temporary
home.
Nor did she know about the frustration and annoyance when the
builder, whom they had trusted, just did not keep his word
and left many unfinished items. The beautiful floor tiles
were extremely unpractical, the neighbors were hardly on
speaking terms with them after all the months of noise, dirt
and dust, and worst of all, the cost -- which was far more
than they had bargained for, had left them with an enormous
millstone around their necks.
If someone were to ask Rochel whether she had any regrets,
she would answer that had she been able to see into the
future, she would have preferred to leave things as they
were. She would have been without all the strain of the last
year, without the cumbersome debt, and above and most
important of all, her neighbors would have remained her
friends. And then, what had not improved in the least, was
the four -- now five -- flights of stairs she had to deal
with on a daily basis.
*
Miriam and Chana were chatting on the bus about how difficult
it was to make the money last till the end of the month.
Chana found out that Miriam, an experienced accountant,
earned twice as much as she did as a school secretary. She
thought resentfully, "Miriam's husband can sit and learn
without any worries. They own a car and can afford domestic
help. They don't have to tighten their belts.
Little does Chana know that Miriam has a `special' child for
whom the cost of tests and treament are exorbitant. Several
times a week, she has to take the child to various therapies,
during which time she has to employ a babysitter who only
does very light housework -- the extent of her `domestic
help.' The upkeep of the car, which is essential because of
the child, is very expensive and every small repair is yet
another drain on their overstretched budget. Does Chana
believe Miriam when she says she can't make ends meet, even
with her hefty paycheck, or does she think she is just
griping?
*
It is human nature to imagine that the other fellow is better
off than we are, to look at what others have, to avert one's
eyes from any disadvantages they might have, and to compare
our poverty with their affluence. Apart from the Tenth
Commandment of "Thou shalt not covet," we have to realize
that there are no grounds for such longings, if we would only
see the whole picture.
Many people look at So-and-so and think they would willingly
change places with them. They do not know that his ill health
prevents him from enjoying his wealth. Perhaps he has no
children, or his children are unmanageable and give him no
pleasure or peace in life...
Someone who feels hard done by, and thinks he is the only
address where things go wrong and that everyone else is
better off than he is, should repeat to himself regularly
that everyone has problems. He need not try to comfort
himself with the fact that other people suffer too, but he
should just remember to thank the Creator for what he himself
has and not look over his shoulder to see what the other
fellow has.
