Is there such a person? Most parents feel that their child is
outstanding, if not brilliant. Naturally, there are those who
do not quite make the grade, and who need constant help just
to keep their heads above water. But average, middle of the
road, mediocre?
More and more yeshivos now claim that they only take
metzuyonim -- outstanding boys. Without a doubt, both
the boys and their parents want to enroll in those yeshivos,
regardless of whether it is a suitable place for the boy or
not. Who wants the stigma of going to a less prestigious
yeshiva? Yet not all the boys in the yeshiva-for-outstanding-
boys will have phenomenal brains. If it is the wrong yeshiva
for them, they will fail there.
In every classroom, there are some really bright boys who get
noticed almost immediately. There are some really slow boys,
and those, too, come to the teacher's attention before very
long. What about the ones in the middle? As an adjective,
`average' has negative connotations. However, these boys have
nothing negative about them. They do their work
conscientiously and call no attention to themselves. In fact,
it has been shown that many of these children remain
`average' because there is almost no interaction between the
teacher and themselves for days, weeks and even months.
A wise woman once remarked to a group of teachers that one
can compare the average child to food. He is neither meaty
nor milky. He is pareve, and like pareve, can be combined wth
meaty or milky, that is, he can achieve great heights or sink
to the abyss.
The Chazon Ish said that frequently those boys whom one
expected to be really great did not achieve their potential,
whereas the boys who were not high achievers but kept their
noses to the grindstone year after year became serious
talmidei chachomim. Torah learning does not depend
only on a sharp brain. Perseverance is at least as important
and stories abound of gedolim who were not in the
least outstanding in their youth, but achieved their purpose
with persistence and tenacity.
Average children know that they are never at the top of the
class. There are always five or more boys ahead of them. This
is where parents and teachers can either make or break the
child. If a teacher says, "So you don't get top marks in
tests, but who puts up the chairs in the classroom every day
without being asked? You thought nobody knew? We all know how
considerate you are, even of the janitor."
Although many, eminently sensible parents are blind as far as
their child is concerned, by the time he reaches yeshiva age,
they ought to have some idea of his abilities. As mentioned,
those children are often ignored in the classroom, because
they are neither a nuisance nor so quick on the uptake that
they call out answers before the teacher has finished asking
the question. If a parent bothers to phone the teacher ever
so often, he is not being a pest. He is not complaining in
the least, but just asking how the child is getting on. This
will cause the teacher to take a little more interest in the
boy. Furthermore, when trying to build this child's self
esteem, parents should not use overly effusive praise. The
child will know full well that it is false. Praise him for
his patience with the little ones, for his self control when
goaded and not rising to the bait. Praise him for the good
traits which he has, his reliability and tidiness.
An interesting piece of research was carried out in America
some time ago. A group of streamed high school children were
given some tests. The weakest children were told that they
had been wrongly streamed as they had gotten amazingly high
scores. In an incredibly short time, there was a dramatic
improvement in these children's schoolwork and they achieved
results which no one had believed possible. These now became
the `average' children, while the real average children who
were not told that they had scored well in the tests, sank to
the bottom of the class. Somehow, there are always these
three levels in any given class.
Thus we return to the original question. Is there an average
child? Every normal human being can shine at something. If he
doesn't get top marks in tests, he will be good at something
else. So although exams are a necessary evil in most people's
opinion, for an average child, a passing mark is as good as
distinction. He has passed and that is all that matters.
Rejoice with him and help him build whatever skills he
has.
