Opinion & Comment
A Booster Shot

"And Moshe told his father-in-law all that Hashem had done to Pharaoh and to Egypt" (Shemos 18:8).

The Inability to Cope With Unusual Circumstances

A certain weakness threatens all of mankind and especially characterizes those who have been pampered all their lives. Even if we haven't spelled it out, we hope that a mention of a group of the population that this typifies will suffice in order to know what it's all about: the inability to withstand hardship, the escape from dealing with difficult situations that are beyond the normal routine.

Most people can cope with everyday situations when the tune played is the one they are accustomed to hearing. But just one confrontation with any hardship is enough to undermine their equilibrium and shake their stability. Just one aberration from their normal routine, from their life of comfort, and they feel as if their world is tumbling about their ears.

Whoever has anything to do with adolescents is familiar with the crisis that accompanies the first months in a yeshiva ketanoh. This follows a boy's having exchanged one set of friends for another, a far more motivated group of boys determined, no less than he, to score significant achievements in their study. Accustomed to reaping compliments and praise, prizes and goodies, the boy is suddenly cast into an arena for which he is not prepared.

Even activists involved in those activities known as kiruv work and the dissemination of Yiddishkeit are familiar with that difficult stage of transition that follows the initial uplifting encounter with Judaism, the friendly social gatherings, the times when everything sparkles with newness and glitz -- to the stage of personal involvement and contention, the difficult trials of everyday life.

These, like those, require great understanding and appropriate guidance at the proper time, before it is too late. They need some kind of booster shot which will supply them with the stamina to withstand the test and to duck with every wave threatening to overwhelm this new chapter in their lives.

What Did Moshe Tell His Father-in-Law?

Let us examine how Moshe Rabbenu handled this situation. When he proceeded to greet Yisro, who wished to join the Jewish people, it says, "And Moshe went forth towards his father-in- law, and he kissed him and they asked one another after their health and then entered the tent. And Moshe told his father- in-law all that Hashem had done to Pharaoh and to Egypt because of Israel, all the tribulation which they had encountered en route and [from which] Hashem had saved them" (Shemos 18:7,8).

What actually did Moshe tell Yisro? Rashi explains, according to Mechilta, that he told him about the miracles they had seen at the sea and of the battle with Amolek.

But this is difficult to grasp. Yisro's very coming to the desert was in the wake of the tidings he had heard about these two momentous events, as Rashi notes in the beginning of the parsha on the words, "And Yisro heard."

"What tidings did he hear that brought him? The splitting of Yam Suf and the war with Amolek." Apparently these two happenings made such an impression on Yisro that he decided to come to the desert. And when he comes, what does Moshe do? He tells him about those selfsame events of which he already knew. What could Moshe add that he did not yet know?

This question was asked in the Or HaChaim's beis medrash. One may say that Yisro had only heard a general report and that Moshe filled him in on the details with a first-person eyewitness account. And so, Moshe did tell him about those miracles and precisely how they had occurred.

Yisro's Excitement Over the Miracles That Were Done for Yisroel

These events can be explained somewhat differently, too. Why did Yisro actually come all the way to the desert? Yisro was a philosopher, a researcher into comparative religions who sought the truth. He had examined every form of idolatry and worshiped them in succession for he was ever in search of the truth.

Surely he was not the only person who had heard the cataclysmic news about the splitting of the sea and the defeat of Amolek in battle. All the nations had heard likewise but for them, it was a nightmare of news, an unbelievable disaster that one must pinch oneself awake to be sure that it really happened and was not a figment of a frightened mind, something that could be forgotten by rolling over on the other side and going back to sleep to dream better dreams.

Not so with Yisro. He was deeply affected by the miraculous events and decided to head towards the wilderness. He wished to join the Jewish people and come closer to Hashem.

Moshe Rabbenu respected Yisro's spiritual initiative. He granted him a royal welcome by going forth to greet him. "Yisro was accorded a great honor at that time. As soon as Moshe went forth, so did Aharon, Nodov and Avihu go forth, and who was the person who saw these marching out and did not join them?" (Rashi on 18:7).

Moshe Rabbenu intuited what was going on in Yisro's soul. He knew well of the danger that lurks at the doorway of the mighty surge of excitement expressed by his father-in-law. The latter had heard marvelous reports and saw everything in a glittering light.

But when those spotlights dimmed, the glow and glamour would vanish. There were difficult things to tell about the exodus as well. There was the side of hardship in nomadic life. Again, the encounter with the Egyptians at the seashore caused great fear and dread which prevailed until the succor finally came. And the clash with Amolek was likewise a fearful, formidable experience.

So was it with all the miracles. Manna rained down but it was preceded by the fear of families starving to death in the desert. Waters were bitter until a miracle sweetened them and made them potable and the interim was laden with fear of the unknown future, the anxiety of survival.

All of Judaism is a trial, a contention, a daily, unending struggle of a person's base nature and his better judgment. One is promised a blissful reward in the World to Come but this is not gained without a great, arduous investment in this world.

Moshe Rabbenu Seeks to Present the Difficulties Before Yisro

Moshe Rabbenu wished to reveal to Yisro the other side of the glittering coin before he made a final decision regarding his joining the Jewish people. Not all is miracles and not all is easy and pleasant. He had to show Yisro what, in this great enthusiasm, he might have glanced over, or perhaps seen but not internalized. Awareness at the threshold of a decisive step would prevent a possible breakdown in the future. Yisro had to be shown a full picture in advance in order to avoid future disappointments and crises.

Moshe Rabbenu told his father-in-law about the difficult moments that accompanied the splitting of the sea. He told him that the war with Amolek erupted because Jewry had become lax in their pursuit of Torah, a condition that could not prevail with any other regular nation of the world.

Moav and Ashur, for example, would not be attacked by Amolek as a result of their becoming lax in Torah! The Jewish people, however, are governed by different rules of history. Israel is victorious in war through supernatural means and they will be subject to an eruption of war through unconventional laws that do not apply to other nations.

Jewry exists beyond nature, for better or worse, for merit or demerit. When we pray, "You chose us from all other nations," we are not only referring to Torah and prophecy which Israel was granted, but also to a withdrawal from the vanities of this world, an obligation of terms which are far from easy to maintain.

This is what Moshe wished to impress upon Yisro, to show him a complete picture. So when the Torah informs us that Moshe Rabbenu told Yisro about the splitting of the sea and the war with Amolek, it means to say that he told him those details which Yisro might not have realized and internalized.

This is precisely and marvelously depicted in the wording of the text. In telling of the tidings that Yisro heard, the Torah states, "And Yisro, priest of Midian, father-in-law of Moshe, heard all that Elokim did to Moshe and to His people Israel, that Hashem had taken Israel out of Egypt." He had heard about the miracles that accompanied the exodus, no more.

Later, when the Torah tells us what Moshe said to Yisro, we hear a more detailed description. "And Moshe told his father- in-law all that Hashem did to Pharaoh and to Egypt because of Israel, all the travail that had come upon them on the way and how Hashem delivered them."

Moshe Rabbenu emphasized that the deliverance had been preceded by much travail along the way so that Yisro should know that this is how it would be in the future as well. The Jordan river would also be split but the Jews would have to fight wars with the Canaanites and this would be preceded and accompanied by hardship, and he must be made aware of this (according to Meor voShemesh).

Parents and Educators Must Encourage a Child

There is a time for the stick and a time for the carrot. Thus it is with those who seek to join the ranks of the faithful as well as with the education of a child. When a teacher sees a child striving to do his best, he should encourage him and uplift him. The sense of elevation will accompany the child and assist him in persevering in his study. He must banish elements of low esteem.

If a child brings home a report card with only one good mark glowing from a glaring row of C's and D's, the child must be praised for that good mark and told that his effort bore fruit in that area. Any other form of reaction might catapult the child into an abyss from which he will be hard put to rise up. But the educator must also be sensitive to a tendency like Eisov's, who asks how to tithe straw and salt. We must weigh such a "question" with all seriousness and give it the proper attention and response.

We find this alluded to in our portion: "And they traveled from Refidim and they came to the Sinai desert." Their leaving Refidim, picking themselves up and quitting the place where "their hands became lax in Torah," is made possible by the hopeful announcement that they are headed towards Har Sinai.

When someone is being encouraged and his sights are set high, he can rally and find the inner strength to strive for that height.

This is the task of the educator -- the eighth grade Rebbe. If he seeks the success of his student and wants him to go to a good yeshiva with good marks, he must raise his self esteem and confidence, encourage him, tell him that he knows how to learn, and praise his questions even when they are not incisive or in place.

Concurrent with Encouragement is Creating Awareness for Hardships

Encouragement has its limits, too. We must bear in mind what may develop. The boy will go on to yeshiva ketanoh and after a month, will suddenly have a crisis. Those around him will look for a scapegoat, for someone or something to blame. One may place the onus on the yeshiva, another on the mashgiach and a third on the Rosh Yeshiva. Sometimes, however, the blame goes further back, to his eighth grade Rebbe, who, throughout the eighth grade told him that he is expected to become the future godol hador, but forgot to whisper in his ear on the last day that in the coming year he will be sitting next to a dozen other bright boys for whom a similar future is also predicted.

Encouragement and setting high sights from which the student grew throughout that year, are certainly positive elements, but one cannot leave the child in his idyllic soap bubble world of self-delusions. One must gently withdraw him from those heights of self assurance and explain to him that he still has a long way to go perfection. On the last day of cheder, he must be taken aside and told, "Yossele, know that all along, I wanted to encourage you and goad you on to success, but when you reach yeshiva you will meet up with many boys from many other institutions who have similar aspirations of reaching the highest pinnacles of learning success."

If Yossele had been told such things at the end of the school year, he would not have had his crisis in yeshiva ketana even if he had encountered painful or difficult situations. He would have remembered his Rebbe's words and would have told himself that this is exactly what he had been referring to.

But when the Rebbe refrains from saying such truthful words, his student will enter yeshiva with an inflated self image. He imagines himself to be the greatest, and is in for a severe disappointment when he is faced with the truth that in fact, he isn't.

The building of a student's self image begins on the very first day of studies, but braking and containing the enthusiasm and momentum must come on the last day.

How to Relate to Those Who Wish to Draw Near

Anyone who has ever been at the closing of a kiruv seminar and witnessed the moving climax, knows that even there it is necessary to quench the enthusiasm to some degree. The participant is liable to return home and on the very way, be exposed to the media delightedly reporting a chareidi who was involved in shady dealings or some other unsavory act. This newsflash will serve as a painful slap in the face to his new outlook. For the past few days he has been told how wonderful it is to be religious, how honest and sincere these people are, how good and decent etc.

Like the student entering yeshiva and discovering a world that differs from what he imagined, so it is with the neophyte baal tshuva who discovers that not all is bright and rosy as he imagined. Suddenly he sees that the daily coping of a shomer mitzvos is difficult and demands much sacrifice. Suddenly he understands that the sense of euphoria and exaltation which accompanied the days of the seminar will not remain later on.

Here too, the chairman/moderator should have closed the final session with a clear-cut message, "Friends, we have presented to you here the positive side of religion. We have shown you the nice and pleasant aspects. But know that not all is rosy. You will encounter religious people who do not conduct themselves properly. You will have to lower your expectations of the members of this new society you have discovered and wish to enter, the world of shomrei Torah umitzvos."

Then, after the preventive medicine has been administered and the inoculation done its job, the neophytes will not experience the disappointment, letdown or crisis that occurs when they suddenly discover some negative phenomenon that does not jibe with their previous expectations and impressions from the seminar. When they do encounter something not to their liking in this new society, they will remember the words of the lecturer who warned them of the tarnish of the varnish.

It is obvious that such a talk must come on the last day. It would be unwise to present it already at the beginning. A teacher should not tell his student on the first day of the eighth grade, "Know that you will have a difficult time in yeshiva ketanoh."

This can break a student already at the onset. He will not even attempt to achieve anything because he won't believe in himself. At the end of the year, even in the final moments before parting, the teacher must make a good-bye speech revealing somewhat of the upcoming difficulties.

The same tactics apply to the baal tshuva. It is evident that one must not point out the difficulties in religious practice right from the first day or warn of possible crises, or tell of those marginal datiim who are of dubious character. Our purpose is to draw people close, not to deter or distance them. Only at the end, before parting, should the speaker cool off their ardor with a dash of realism.

Yisro's Flesh Erupted in Goose-Pimples Before He Rejoiced

This is how Moshe Rabbenu treated Yisro. At first he accorded him great respect as befits one who renounced all the vanities of this world and had come to join the true religion. He went forth to greet him together with the notables of the nation, with masses of Jews following in their wake.

But since Yisro's conversion was primarily based upon his enthusiasm towards the miracles, it raised him to sublime heights and created the fear that this euphoria would be followed by a critical letdown as soon as he was confronted with difficulties.

Yisro's conversion should not be like those gentiles who profess a desire to keep the commandments, and are given the mitzva of succa. The sun begins to blaze down upon them and in their frustration, they kick at the succa and exit it (Avoda Zora 3). Therefore, after some encouragement and deference accorded to him, Moshe tells Yisro of the travails and difficulties, to remind him that the glittering coin has its other, unbuffed, side.

Rashi offers two explanations on the words, "Vayichad Yisro." The simple meaning, he says, is that Yisro rejoiced, while the Midrash says that his flesh puckered up with goose-pimples as a sign of shock at the hardships which the Israelites underwent.

With our fresher insight, we are able to say that both explanations complement one another. After he heard of the difficulties and hardships in the exodus from Egypt and all that was told him primarily to dissuade him from joining the Jewish people as a convert, Yisro's flesh raised hackles of fear and hesitation: Perhaps this was a foolish move on his part?

But in the end, he made his decision: "I'm here to stay!" At this point, when no longer riddled with doubts, a deep sense of joy and satisfaction filled Yisro's entire being. He had resolved to take that big step which would change his whole life forevermore.

There is no greater satisfaction than a decision arrived at from a stance of difficulty. "A person prefers his single portion more than nine measures of his friend's portion" (Bovo Metzia 38a). He has already acquired his measure through toil; it is dearer to him than nine measures of unearned pleasure. One who reaches the peak of Masada by the cable car will not feel the same sense of accomplishment as the one who traipsed the mountain, step after step, along a difficult, winding upward trail until he finally arrived on top. The latter's satisfaction is that of a reward well- earned.

When Yisro saw the difficulties and the problems involved in joining the Jewish people, his flesh puckered up in fear and trepidation. But only at the onset. After he reached his decision of not turning back, he was filled with joy and satisfaction at that resolution. It was the satisfaction of one who has reached the mountain peak after an arduous climb, a joy that results from overcoming hardship and vaulting hurdles, a sense of real accomplishment well earned.

When the end result is actually in one's sights, then the assault up the mountain is already easier. When a chosson bears the gifts he received at the wedding hall and takes them into his home, he doesn't feel their weight, nor does he complain about their bulk. He knows that these are his possessions; he is bearing bundles of happiness.

This is the message that Yisro bequeathed to us. When he sought to return to his homeland, Moshe Rabbenu said to him, "Don't leave us, for you know how we encamp in the wilderness and you shall serve us instead of eyes" (Bamidbor 10:31). Yisro can serve as a shining example, a living mussar sefer. For if anyone comes along and argues how difficult it is to practice religion, you, Yisro, can show them that it is feasible; you can be our defender. Yisro, (after all) abandoned a prestigious position, left behind wealth, honor and power in order to join the Jewish people. His example will shine on for all time; he will show the future generations what it means to be a good Jew, despite all the hardship and sacrifice involved in such a critical decision.

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