Bas Zekunim usually refers to the youngest girl born
to older parents after a gap of several years. She has a
special status in the family.
She is everybody's spoilt pet and darling from the moment she
is born. Her every wish is granted even before she expresses
it. Her older siblings are transformed into at least half a
dozen surrogate mothers and fathers, ready to do her bidding,
but also to educate her, which often leaves her slightly
confused and as she matures, rather resentful.
She mixes with people older than herself, and with adults,
thus acquiring concepts, knowledge and vocabulary not usually
found in one so young. On the other hand, these adults are
inclined to baby her, as if to slow the inevitable growing
up. This bas zekunim may well have uncles and aunts
younger than herself, which may lead to normal jealousy and
rivalry, yet to her parents, she is their baby.
There is frequently a gap of twenty years or more between her
and the oldest sibling. The same set of parents, perhaps in
the same house -- but the difference is tremendous. As young
parents, they were full of ideas and ideals, which have
mellowed with the onset of maturity and the benefit of
experience. Older siblings, even married ones, will assert
that they would never have been allowed to... On the
other hand, these same parents might have been more patient
and forbearing when they were younger. They can send the
grandchildren home when the noise and activity gets too much
for them. The bas zekunim just has to calm down and
try to keep quiet.
The age difference between herself and her mother is often
over forty years. This mother sometimes attends school events
as a grandmother and sometimes as a mother. She sees her
married daughters trying to put the world to rights together
with the other young mothers, but she keeps her opinions to
herself. Her bas zekunim is not always comfortable
when the older mother mixes with the young mothers of her
friends. The generation gap in this case is quite obvious.
Age has taken its toll, with a few limitations of old age
beginning to show.
This youngest child leads quite a different life from her
peers. They have the occasional bris or bar mitzva of
a brother, but weddings are still only amongst older cousins
to which they might be taken for an hour or so. She
experiences weddings of her siblings year after year,
moreover, she suffers from them, too. Here is a brother or
sister who was her second parent and close confidant, leaving
the house together with a stranger.
Things will never be the same again between them. Parents who
chide their youngest, calling her selfish for indulging in
despondency when her sister is so happy, do not realize how
this girl feels the loss. She will never again sleep in the
same room as her big sister. On the contrary, she will now
have to vacate the room when this sister comes to visit.
Furthermore, she will have to treat her as a guest!
When this youngest was a little girl, there were no demands
made on her. There was always someone older, more capable of
doing the job. Now that she is the only one left at home,
there is far less to do. No mountains of laundry to wash and
fold each day, far less peeling and cooking to do for this
small family, and also less shopping. However, she is often
called upon to help one or another of her siblings, nor can
she refuse to babysit when it does not suit her, as she would
for a stranger. Nevertheless, in an ordinary routine week,
this bas zekunim has more spare time than most of her
peers who have to help in the home on a regular basis.
At weekends or Yom Tov when the siblings come visiting with
all the little ones in tow, this erstwhile spoilt little girl
is the general factotum. She makes the beds and prepares the
rooms; she entertains her little nieces and nephews while
their mothers enjoy their holiday, and keeps them quiet when
their mothers, and hers, take a nap. She is the one on the
whole who clears the table and washes the dishes. After the
general exodus, she helps her mother get the place
straightened up again before the next onslaught.
Finally, she gets married too, and is blessed with her own
little ones. Do the older sisters and sisters-in-law, some of
whom are beginning to marry off their own children, send
their teenage daughters, for whom she babysat so frequently,
and whose problems she solved, to help her? Do they remember
the promises they made to her that they would repay her one
day? Do they invite her to their homes as a guest, as their
parents are now not in a position to pamper her any more?
On the whole, this youngest member of the family will always
have a special place in their hearts as the beloved baby
sister, as she deserves.
