In ancient times, at this very season, 24,000 of R' Akiva's
students passed away. Based on who they were, they were
judged guilty of not according enough respect to one another.
The days between Pesach and Shavuos are a time that we are
expected to work on our interpersonal relationship. The
Giving of the Torah is being counted-down, or rather, up, and
we must make ourselves worthy of receiving it. At Har Sinai,
Bnei Yisroel were encamped as one united nation, a people of
whom Hashem said, "This is My people."
One quality that is a sign of descent from Avrohom Ovinu is
chessed. Jewish chessed is outstanding, but in
our busy lives, we may sometimes find it difficult to fit it
into our day, that is, discounting the very vital
chessed to our families on a round-the-clock basis.
Maybe there is another option: grabbing the opportunities
that come our way.
Following are some real-life examples of women who grabbed
chessed, with just a little sacrifice. Some of these
could only have been done by newlyweds, others by older
women, but all of them made things significantly easier for
others.
Night Duty
The first year of marriage, especially for couples coming
straight from their home countries to Eretz Yisroel, can be
difficult. On the other hand, young couples have an
opportunity that older couples don't. They can help families
with children. Many times, as their date approaches,
expectant mothers worry about the possibility of having to go
to the hospital in the middle of the night. Who will tend to
the other children? A young couple is the perfect solution.
For two of my own births, I called young couples in the
middle of the night (with their approval beforehand). They
rushed over in no time and slept the rest of the night in our
home, got the children ready and off to school in the
morning.
Most of us do not live near immediate family, so this option
is a tremendous reassurance. Young women should volunteer
their services to expectant neighbors.
Along the same lines is offering to spend Shabbos in the
homes of mothers near term.
Eager Little Helpers
Women with children have numerous ways of grabbing
chessed. A young mother may suddenly run out of milk
or bread and be unable to run down to the grocer. Often,
neighbor children are more than happy to run down and do this
errand for them. It makes them feel trusted and important.
You can send older children over to a neighbor with young
ones underfoot, and have them offer to keep them busy while
she works around the house. I still remember trying to
organize my first seder, alone, with a bored two-and-a-
half year-old. My wonderful neighbor sent over her seven-year-
old who provided my son with a blast with this older hero
while I shredded my horseradish, boiled my eggs and blended
my charosses.
FAnX a Lot
Another easy chessed is to offer the use of your FAX
machine. It is so easy to receive FAXes, and sending one is
not much more difficult. It does cost a little, but you can
think of it as your personal gemach with the outlay
being insignificantly worthwhile. What comes easy to you and
is a boon to another, saving time and hassle, is a true
chessed.
Sholom Zochor
Another innovative kindness is helping new parents plan a
sholom zochor. A man in our community offers his
advice as to amounts of food, drinks, paper products to buy
and whom you can ask to help out, like making chick peas. His
experience is invaluable for Friday births!
I'm On My Way
On your way to the grocer, or to town, knock on your
(elderly/ housebound) neighbor's door and ask if you can do
anything for her. Going to the bank? The post office? Drug
store? You can save people entire mornings with errands you
are doing, anyway.
And the thought behind the gesture is worth at least as
much!
YATED
We would prefer that EVERYONE have their own subscription, of
course, but we wouldn't want people to miss out on
Yated, either. My cousin's former neighbor used to
give her the newspaper each week after she had read it. After
they moved to Kiryat Sefer, they continued to send it via a
commuter!
Time for Change
Another timeless and thoughtful kindness. I recently attended
an evening chizuk rally for which there was a five
shekel admission charge. I came with a hundred shekel bill,
which they couldn't change at the door. A young woman came
over with a bag of small change, which she had brought for
this very contingency.
Are you ever on a bus when the driver doesn't have change for
a passenger? Try carrying around enough small money at all
times to help others change a fifty or hundred shekel bill. A
tremendous favor at the right time. Even for your grocer. [My
grocer is thrilled when I can give him my five agorot
coins.]
[Another reverse favor -- people collecting at your door are
sometimes loaded down with small money. Offer to change it
for a large bill. A full circle for this chessed of
venosnu, a palindrome (something that reads the same
backwards and forewards).]
Day Camp
There is a remarkable chessed that I wouldn't dare to
recommend if I hadn't seen it done! A neighbor of mine who is
going away for the seder decided to be Pesachdig a
week earlier and actually switched over the kitchen. She ran
an afternoon day camp throughout the week before Pesach for
25 children! This particular tzaddekes did not charge
money, but even for a considerable sum, it would have been
well worth it for a mother to take a needed rest, or just to
forge ahead in the quiet!
Opportunity knocks at our door all the time. It is up to us
to open it and let the warm sunshine of chessed into
our lives.
