They are tiny children, huge children, fat ones and thin
ones. There are also those who are different from the norm in
some other way. How does a child who is almost a midget or
one who is head and shoulders taller than his classmates cope
with the inevitable banter or teasing?
The difference is not so marked in kindergarten, besides
which little children are not so aware of sizes. At school
age, the contrast becomes more marked. Teachers have an
undeniable responsibility towards their charges, to inculcate
good middos with the added responsibility towards the
sensibility of this particular child. Most children are not
intentionally cruel. Yet remarks like, "My baby brother has
shoes this size," can be very hurtful to a nine-year-old.
When this particular child who is different in weight or
stature is not in the room, the teacher has to explain quite
clearly that just as we cannot change the appearance of our
faces or the color of our eyes, likewise we cannot change our
physical build. This may have to be repeated several times
till the child is accepted as a regular member of the
class.
A very short girl may not find it at all difficult to cope
with her lack of inches while a boy finds it much harder to
endure the situation. The older he gets, the more noticeable
it becomes that he is so much shorter than the other boys his
age. On the other hand, girls who are far taller than the
average get teased quite frequently, e.g. "What's the weather
like up there?" while boys rather pride themselves on their
extra height, in spite of the teasing.
Apart from these individual feelings, tall children are at a
disadvantage right through their primary school years.
Teachers automatically expect more from these children,
mentally classing them as a year or two older than their
classmates. A child of five who looks like an eight-year-old
should not be behaving like this. Short children, on the
other hand, are often petted and loved, even by their peers,
although they have the same chronological age.
When a child does not seem to be growing as he should, it is
essential to have him checked. It may be the pituitary gland
or any other part of the body which is not functioning as it
should. A few medical tests will show the cause if there is
one. However, frequently, the child carries the genes of his
short parents. Much depends on how the parents coped when
they were young. It is up to them to assure the short child
that all good things come in small packages and that he is a
very valuable member of society just as he is.
At her son's insistence, one woman took her fifteen-year-old
to an endocrinologist. The doctor, who was Jewish in name
only, held the boy in front of him and said, "Listen, son.
There is no magic potion to give you, no growth medicine.
Every human being has to die sometime. When you get to the
World of Truth, nobody is going to ask how tall you were. But
they are going to ask what you made of your life. Make sure
that you can be proud of what you achieved." This seemed to
have a profound effect on the boy and he came to terms with
his height.
More than twenty years ago, doctors used to give hormone
treatment. It worked amazingly well at the time it was
administered. However, when the patient was in his early
twenties, there were disastrous results. Among the tests
doctors carry out to ascertain the cause of the lack of
growth is a simple x-ray of the hand. The doctor can then see
if the bone structure is commensurate to the chronological
age.
Parents are often relieved to hear that the child of fourteen
or fifteen is two or three years behind in his growth rate
and that he will yet catch up to be of average height.
Indeed, although there are some children who seem to shoot up
at the age of seven or eight, they stop by the age of twelve.
By their twenties, they are no taller than the average
person. Others only attain this growth spurt after
puberty.
Although as yet there is no treatment for bone structure,
parents should definitely have the child investigated when
there is an abnormality in growth. People often say, "Let's
wait till after the bar mitzva and then he will probably
grow." In all likelihood, they are right, but it is worth
checking before puberty just in case early intervention is
required. There is very effective treatment for irregular
functioning of the pituitary gland, or other glands which
might affect the growth of the child.
A child whose height is exceptional, one way or the other,
should be encouraged to feel good about himself. He might be
particularly good academically or creatively. She may have a
special bent for music or have a particular hobby from which
she and her friends derive particular pleasure. Parents
should foster this inclination where possible.
However, teachers should in no way give this child special
attention, as if to compensate for irregular height. This
will only single out the child as different. Therefore they
should relate to him in exactly the same way as they do to
his peers. It is unwise of parents to voice their uncertainty
about finding a suitable shidduch for an
extraordinarily tall daughter or particularly short son.
There is an unwritten rule in our culture that the male has
to be taller than his partner or at least the same height.
Yet many happy marriages have broken this rule and the wife
is taller than her spouse. Many great people historically and
in our times have been particularly short, yet this has not
detracted in any way from their wit or personality. Maybe
there will be a breakthrough in our times and Hashem will let
researchers discover a cure for irregular bone structure.
