Every kalla's mother knows that besides the million
and one details that must be attended to before the wedding,
it's time to go shopping.
Steel wool, scouring pads, floor cleaner, dishwashing
detergent, garbage bags, baking paper, aluminum foil, tissue,
napkins, napkin holder.
Who has the presence of mind to think of all the myriad needs
for the newlywed apartment before the wedding? But needed
they are, and they put another dent in the pocketbook right
alongside all the other expenditures of the engagement and
pre-wedding periods.
A wonderful solution has taken shape in several neighborhoods
in and around Jerusalem. Combining the mitzva of
hachnossas kalla with a parting gift to girls who grew
up in their communities, women and girls are giving their
kallos a royal sendoff with neighborhood shower
committees. Little cost generates much simcha, as
these committees collect, wrap and deliver dozens of useful
household gadgets/utensils to the delight of the kalla
and her grateful mother.
Spatula, measuring cup, wooden spoon, sifter, mixing
bowls, rolling pin, oven mitts, icing syringe, peelers,
graters, tongs, cutting board.
The idea is a takeoff from the American-style shower, a women-
only party that `showers' the brides-to-be with all sorts of
kitchen and bath doodads. Because these small items are
inexpensive, each participant makes a small outlay that adds
up to a significant savings in money (and shopping time) for
the bridal party. Here in Jerusalem, the idea has been reborn
as a shower of gifts: organizers collect money and gifts door-
to-door and present it in one impressive delivery to each
kalla.
Mrs. H., the energetic head of one six-year-old neighborhood
shower committee, thrives on the simcha and
achdus it generates for everyone involved. While she
oversees the whole operation, she delegates much of the
collecting, shopping and gift- wrapping to a committee of
responsible teenage girls, who simultaneously gain invaluable
experience in planning and budgeting household purchases, in
anticipation of establishing their own homes.
Towels, hooks, `neigelvasser' cup and bowl, bathtub plug,
clothespins, scissors, sewing kit, tools, light bulbs, nails,
hangers, toilet paper.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS:
As soon as Mrs. H. hears about a new kalla in her
neighborhood, she alerts her committee of three girls, who in
turn alert another twenty younger girls who work under them.
About a month before the wedding, the younger girls receive
lists of specific gifts to collect in their own buildings
(the rationale being that even if the neighbors don't know
the kalla, they do know the collector).
Each neighbor is asked to furnish either one of the items on
the written list or money (anywhere from fifty agorot to ten
shekels) toward the purchase of a gift. The collectors record
the names of everyone who contributes, and finish up the
operation within two weeks.
In Mrs. H.'s neighborhood, twenty collectors (working alone
or with a friend), knock on close to 300 doors. They collect
anywhere from 150 to 500 shekels worth of gifts and money,
with about 200 to 250 shekels being the average.
"The idea is to do it very cheaply so people don't feel put
upon every time there's an engagement, and so that the
feeling of simcha is renewed each time," the organizer
explains. If a neighbor prefers to buy the gift herself, she
can send it along to the organizer's home where it will be
wrapped for her. Someone who has one of the items already on
hand will often give it to the collector on the spot.
Candles, soap, ice cube trays, cutlery trays, pitchers,
mugs, knives, salad bowl, nutcracker, cheese slicer, ladle,
strainer, hand juicer, funnel.
Putting aside the items that were collected, the shower
committee uses the money to fill in the rest of the
inventory. The basics are a laundry basket, laundry hamper,
garbage pail, broom, sponja stick and rags, but the
list by no means ends there. Most of the products mentioned
in italics throughout this article are included. The shoppers
scour two-shekel stores, `dollar' stores, and bargain
emporiums, to find the best-made products at the lowest
possible prices.
Shops and distributors in the neighborhood are also drawn
into this chessed. Mrs. H. persuaded a local gift shop
to match downtown store prices on many items, thus saving her
runaround time. A paper goods distributor agreed to donate
disposable containers and paper plates for each
kalla.
As a side benefit, the gift-buying spree teaches Mrs. H.'s
young assistants how to shop on a limited budget. "I teach
them that steel wool is more important than a set of drinking
glasses, and that they shouldn't buy hangers without buying
dishwashing detergent." [Ed. Most clothing gemachs
will be happy to sell you good hangers for cheap!] She adds,
"They learn what's a necessity and what's a luxury."
Cooking utensils, ice cream scoop, melon scoop, salt and
pepper shakers, pastry brush, vegetable scrub brush, place
mats, apron, corkscrew, doormat.
When it comes to selecting and wrapping the gifts, it's hard
to know who enjoys the chessed more, the kalla
or the organizers! "The girls like to choose a color scheme
for each kalla, and try to match the wrapping paper
with the color of the utensil," Mrs. H. smiles. "When we give
a bath set (soap dispenser, soap dish and toothbrush holder),
I try to match the color with the toilet-bowl brush and pail.
If we have extra money, we'll look for a shower curtain that
matches the bath set. We have such a good time!"
The neighbors also help keep expenses down by contributing
recycled wrapping paper from their own bar mitzva and wedding
gifts. Spare mailing labels are affixed to each gift and
inscribed with the name of each giver (those who gave money
had their names written on the gifs that were purchased in
that amount). Ribbons and additional gift wrap are bought
with the special donation from one caring neighbor.
To create a more impressive display, the committee members
roll and compact many gifs before they wrap them and stuff
everything into the larger items like the laundry hamper and
basket. The broom handle and sponja stick are festooned with
multicolored ribbons. Kallos enjoy leaving the ribbons
on their presents even as they use them, to remind them of
the warm feelings they had when they received them.
Mrs. H. helps her assistants share the kalla's simcha
by having them deliver all the beautifully wrapped gifts
personally. "There are no words to describe it -- the joy of
the kalla and her mother gives our girls such a boost
and the energy to continue doing this chessed," she
observes. "And as much as the mothers think they know what
they're doing when they contribute a few shekels to the
showers of other kallos, they don't know how much it
means until it comes to their own daughters."
The personal delivery also ensures tzniyus, as only
the kalla and her family see what and how many gifs
were given. If a kalla is not so well known or active
in the community, her collection might turn out to be smaller
than most. In that case, Mrs. H. takes extra money from her
own hachnossas kalla fund or asks close neighbors to
contribute a little more. Only the organizer herself knows
how much money was collected; her assistants only know what
items to buy, at which store, and how much they can spend on
each gift.
What about a kalla who already owns many household
gadgets, after living in a dormitory or with roommates? The
shower committee will stock her pantry with products that
need to be replenished, such as disposable containers, soaps
and cleansers.
EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD CAN START A SHOWER COMMITTEE to benefit
its kallos. Here are some tips to start the ball
rolling:
* Head the committee with at least two dedicated women. "It's
a wonderful mitzva, but it involves a lot of work in a
short span of time," Mrs. H. explains. "You really have to
believe in the cause, and two organizers can support one
another. I do it because I see how much it helps our
kallos and I love making people happy."
* Three girls aged 14-17 can manage the organization. One
could be in charge of the collectors and building lists,
another the shopping, and another the gift wrapping. Mrs. H.
extracts a commitment from each girl that she is not needed
in her home during the busy planning period. She often writes
warm thank-you notes to the girls' mothers, praising their
daughters for their industriousness, creativity and
dedication.
* Girls aged 11-14 could handle the collecting. However,
since contributions tend to be more substantial when women go
door-to-door, perhaps the project could be launched with
women volunteers and eventually be turned over to the
girls.
* Shopping for gifts will be easier and quicker if an
organizer has access to a car. However, shopping and
transporting by bus is just as feasible.
* "The most important thing is to say a prayer before you go
shopping," Mrs. H. concludes. "We pray that Hashem help us
get everything we need and that the money will stretch in a
miraculous way (which it always does!). It's so much fun to
see how many gifts we can give to our kallos. There is
much concrete blessing in what we do."
