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Home
and Family
Nature vs. Nurture
by A. Ross M.Ed.
Parents gaze fondly at their newborn baby, especially a first
one, and try to visualize his future. Proud grandparents
apparently see familiar features to an amazing degree. "He
has my ears, your nose, his father's height..." His looks
change as he gets a little older and he begins to manifest
signs of a budding personality. Now the comments are often,
"He has your temper, my brains (to which an irate father
reportedly replied, `Definitely yours. I still have mine'),
my artistic abilities..." The list is endless.
Each person is born with his own genetic code, in which
instructions for building proteins are `written' in the
genetic material called DNA. Chazal tell us to look at a
prospective wife's brothers, as children are likely to grow
up like them. R' Moshe Chaim Luzatto writes quite clearly
that a person is affected both by his genetic code and his
environment.
Within the last seventy years, there have been some
fascinating experiments with identical twins who were
separated at, or near, birth for some reason, and brought up
in different social environments. Their likes and dislikes
were similar, their taste in clothes was quite similar, too,
as, of course, were their looks. However, their character
traits, which we would call middos, were not identical
at all. These were not real experiments, they are anecdotal;
nevertheless, it is a pointer to how family and environment
can and do, affect a person.
Family background, school, teachers, friends, and the local
culture, all have a profound influence on the development of
a child. We cannot always monitor any undesirable influence
and just have to make sure that at least the ones we can
choose are the ones which are going to help develop our
children the way we want them to grow.
A child may be inherently shy. He enjoys playing alone and
loud noises may bother him unduly. If the parents, or even
just the mother, are outgoing and enjoy company, some of this
might rub off onto the child. If she encourages him to go and
borrow things like sugar or eggs from a neighbor, and to
invite friends in to play, he will find it easier to relate
to others. Nevertheless, he might always be a loner and
prefer his own company and the company of his immediate
family.
Someone who is a born leader may become an asset to the
community, or he may become a nuisance in the classroom from
an early age. If his energies can be channeled to make him
feel good about himself within the confines of the classroom,
if he is given enough responsbility to feed the urge to be
`doing things,' he will thrive.
There are possessive children who will not let anyone else
near their belongings. If they are in a nursery or play
group, they might try to monopolize two or three sit-and-ride
toys, although they can obviously only enjoy one. This is
often a social problem which many children outgrow. Some
children appear possessive but actually, they are terribly
sensitive and just like their surroundings to remain exactly
the same at all times. Thus, they throw a tantrum if someone
moves one of their things.
Some children have a natural fluency of speech and are
particularly articulate from a very early age. Others may be
late starters but may still have an inherent ability to
expound. However, the development of this ability depends
very much on the environment. In some homes, they use a large
varied vocabulary; "Look at that enormous grey spider." In
other homes they might express the same by saying, "Ugh, a
juk!" (denoting any kind of insect, in Israel).
Although intelligence is a genetic trait, the environment can
definitely promote its growth. Children from the Third World
could not compete with Western children in intelligence
tests. Nevertheless, some will be more intelligent than
others. In their own environment, inner strength and self
reliance are often part of this intelligence. Here the
`environment' must take care not to destroy this
independence; on the other hand, it must be supervised. If a
child undertakes a task, leave him to it. If he says it is
completed, believe him. However, if, for instance, a girl of
nine says she has washed all the dishes and you have to wash
them all again, it is worth demonstrating before she does it
next time, and reminding her that if she does something, she
has to do it properly.
This leads straight on to efficiency, which is definitely an
inborn trait. That does not mean that inefficiency cannot be
reversed and mitigated. And like all other traits, efficiency
can have a down side to it as well. Super-efficiency often
dominates a person's life and minimizes acts of kindness,
perhaps, while inefficient people have more time to chat or
listen to others, because they are more easy-going about
their daily schedule. Organizational skills are also inborn.
Many children cannot follow two commands at a time, and this
needs careful training. If a mother gets impatient, perhaps
because she sees herself in the child, it will only aggravate
the situation.
We are born with a wide range of traits like a sense of
humor, honesty, a sense of fair play, all of which are shaped
by our surroundings. For instance, each country has its own
sense of humor and not surprisingly, we develop our humor
according to the country in which we are educated. A lack of
or poorly developed sense of humor is something difficult to
change.
On the whole, most traits, both negative and positive, can be
guided and molded by parents, teachers and older siblings.
There are one or two traits which are a gift from Heaven,
which a person either has or hasn't. One of them is charisma,
chein: one cannot learn it nor develop it. Whatever
your children have, appreciate them for what they are and
help them develop their full potential.
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