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Home
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School Phobia
by A. Ross M.Ed.
An irrational fear of going to school is often termed `school
phobia.' About one percent of children both in the United
States and in England suffer from this phobia which occurs
usually between the ages of seven and twelve. In Israel,
there are no statistics about this, but in religious circles,
it seems to be considerably less. It is most common among
children who have been very `clingy' since they were babies.
Perhaps an only child or the youngest in the family who was
born after quite a few years' break and who has been babied a
great deal will decide that s/he doesn't want to go to
school. Not surprisingly, the phobia is less likely to occur
in children whose parents are both out at work. It was more
common among children of Holocaust survivors who were
reluctant to let their children out of their sight and didn't
encourage them to develop independence.
Nine-year-old Shimmy wakes up one morning and claims he has a
sore throat and does not feel well. His mother's sharp eye
notes that he looks perfectly well, and when the others are
all out of the house, Shimmy eats an amazingly hearty
breakfast for a child who could barely swallow and not speak
above a whisper an hour ago. Nevertheless, Shimmy enjoys a
day off school in his mother's company. The next morning he
has an excruciating stomach ache and is literally writhing in
pain till the rest of the family is out of the house. Then he
makes a miraculous recovery. The next day he simply says he
doesn't want to go to school, and the parents indulge him,
thinking that a couple of days off won't hurt him. After a
few days of this, his father puts his foot down. Tomorrow
you're going to school, come what may. Shimmy begs and
pleads to stay off a few more days. When he sees that his
father is not moved, he thinks of a dozen excuses why he
can't possibly go in the morning. He's frightened of the
goyim on the way; the Rebbe doesn't like him; none of
the boys like him; it's too cold/hot in his classroom.
Twelve-year-old Malky has repeated bouts of sickness. Not
always acute, but nonetheless, she says she is too ill to go
to school. One morning her mother insists that there is
nothing the matter and packs her off to school
unceremoniously. At eleven o'clock Mother receives a phone
call. Malky is running a high fever. Could you come and
get her from school? Feeling terribly guilty, Mother
fetches the girl who says tearfully and rather accusingly, "I
told you I wasn't feeling well this morning." No use
explaining at that point that the girl had `cried wolf' too
many times before.
The mother of an eleven-year-old girl who refused to go to
school was at her wits' end. She took the girl to school each
morning, even going so far as to hold her hand on the way. On
finding out that the child had not actually attended school
even after that, this woman started taking her right inside
the gate in the mornings, but the girl was tense and unhappy.
She finally approached the principal and explaining the
situation, asked her to deal with the girl.
This charismatic principal called the girl and said, "I have
noticed that you have had frequent absences from school this
term. Have you been ill? What did you have for breakfast this
morning?" The girl answered that she had had a drink. "Oh,
no, my dear. No wonder you've been feeling poorly. You have
to take a full plate of cornflakes with one cup of milk. You
have to eat it slowly, every single morning, and you will
find that it makes all the difference. It has to be
cornflakes, no other cereal, and it has to be a full cup of
milk. Please come and see me in seven days."
The mother watched incredulously as this girl, who had
refused any suggestion of breakfast for months or even years,
religiously measured out the cornflakes and milk, and went to
school happily. Why this treatment appealed to the child and
actually worked was anyyone's guess, but the fact remained
that she was cured.
Some children have a morbid fear of exams, and are always ill
when they know there will be one. One woman felt that she
could not insist on her daughter, an above-average student,
taking the exams if she was so worried about them. When it
came to the government exams, she just let the girl stay out
of school. This girl became a mother and whenever things got
a little difficult, she took to bed. She had never learned
to cope with uncertainty or worry. This is an unusually
extreme case. Parents cannot let their children stay out of
school because they are sorry for them. Nor can they
physically drag them to school. They must be patient but also
firm.
Sometimes a child is bullied in the playground, or picked on
by a teacher. Very likely, he just feels he is being
picked on by the teacher. Whatever the reason, parents have
to take the situation seriously. When a usually healthy,
happy child makes excuses not to go to school, parents have
to discover the reason. It is no use dragging the child into
school while he is kicking and screaming. There must be an
explanation for this behavior, even if it is trivial and
irrational. Imaginary fears or apprehension can, and do,
cause severe stomach cramps and even vomiting. It might take
time, patience and discussion with the principal and the
class teacher to determine the cause of this sudden phobia. A
caring teacher and understanding parents will, between them,
solve the problem, however long it takes.
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