Cost-Cutting Tips for Weddings
A wedding in Eretz Yisrael can look fancy and festive even if
the family is cutting corners. Pretty flowers and table
settings could be loaned from a gemach. The food can
be cooked by a chessed organization. Even the wedding
gowns could be borrowed for the night.
What can't be borrowed, however, are the furnishings for the
couple's new bayis ne'eman. Furniture, appliances,
linens, and cookware are the basic building blocks of any
home or rental apartment. Wedding gifts may provide some of
the smaller items, but the big- ticket items are usually
purchased by the parents of the chosson and
kalla. Are there any ways to cut corners here?
A no-frills approach has helped Mrs. V. of Jerusalem
marry off several children without letting expenses spiral
out of control. The combined income from Mr. V.'s home
business and Mrs. V.'s part-time jobs barely cover their
family's monthly budget. When they have the good fortune of
announcing the engagement of one of their daughters to a
promising young man, or one of their sons to a girl who wants
her husband to continue learning in kollel, the V.s also
inform the other side exactly how much they're willing to pay
for their share of the new home expenses.
"There's simply no end to what one can buy," Mrs. V.
explains. "We've found that the basic necessities are beds
with mattresses, a four-door closet, a kitchen table and four
chairs, a refrigerator, stove, and washing machine. I don't
worry about buying living room furniture, a dining room set,
bookcases, curtains, fixtures or small appliances like an
iron, mixer, toaster oven or microwave. To this day, none of
my children has a dining room table. They take their kitchen
table and four chairs out into the living room and use them
for Shabbos.
Mrs. V. tallies up her own price list for the basic items,
using as her guide the best prices she paid for those
furnishings for her previous weddings. (She advises first-
time wedding planners to shop around and ask around for the
best prices.) Then she divides the total amount in half and
offers this figure as the most she's willing to spend for
home furnishings.
"We tell the other side, `If you want a better quality of
appliance or furniture, it's up to you to pay the
difference'." Mrs. V. adds, "I once had an unpleasant
experience when someone came with me to buy the appliances
and haggled over everything. Now I name the total we're
willing to spend and let the children decide what they want
to buy."
This solution also saves Mrs. V. a lot of time and hassle in
the pre-wedding weeks, as she leaves the decision of what to
buy and where to buy it to the couple. This suits her
personality; she dislikes telling other people how to spend
their money. It also starts the couple thinking and working
as a team, giving them the freedom to express their own taste
in their purchases.
True to their individuality, each of Mrs. V.'s couples
acquired their basic furnishings through different sources.
Some shopped around in wholesale warehouses or bargain hunted
in other cities. One opted for a `package deal' that
contained all the basic items on their list for a price that
was within their budget. Another perused neighborhood
circulars for house sales; with the money they saved buying
second hand, they were able to afford a few extras like a
night table and a bookcase.
The experience of marrying off several children justifies
Mrs. V.'s no-frills approach. She quickly discovered that her
obligations to her children don't end with sheva
brochos. When the first baby arrives, she will be
expected to buy the entire layette (for her daughters'
children) or to write out a generous check (for her sons'
children).
"Plus, there are always gifts for birthdays, anniversaries,
Yom Tov, Chanuka and afikomon presents. We try to help
out as much as we can."
Though she has gone into debt from each wedding, Mrs. V.
wouldn't have it any other way. "We are proud that all our
sons and sons-in-law learn full time in kollel," she says.
"This is the lifestyle we want for them. This is why we are
in Eretz Yisrael. One has to pay for that privilege."
*
[Check your local chareidi phone guide for the multi-
listings of gemachs. You will be astounded by the
variety of services available, including loan of fancy
dresses, even matching ones for sisters; clothing racks to
house the numerous extra dresses before the wedding,
including the wedding gown; flower arrangements and so much
more. It might even pay to come in to a major city for a
wider selection.
There are also many separate lists of organizations and
private people who help out for Hachnossas Kalla. One list
can be obtained by sending a stamped, self addressed envelope
to Mizrachi, Tachkemoni 33, Jerusalem. One Keren listed
there, for example, provides dowries for large / single-
parent families etc. tel. 02-537-2303. Or have your daughter
compare notes/lists with friends in the same situation of
needing as much help as possible.
