Part VI
We end our series on focusing on Torah talk with a few
final ideas and then lead into a similar article purely on
talking, also very suited to Mattan Torah.
* Give a gift set of chumoshim with a commentary the
children don't have, to each child according to his level.
Encourage skimming through the parsha each week on
their own. An excellent investment that teaches children
where one should spend one's money.
* Have a mida kenegged mida quiz each week. If you
can't find it in that week's parsha, go backwards or
forwards.
* If a child interrupts a dvar Torah at the table,
don't just say, "Don't interrupt!" but "Shush! Torah!" We
are trying to inculcate respect for Torah, not just polite
manners.
Torah is our life and our reason for being and should
therefore permeate every aspect of our life. If we were
involved in a court case and happened to meet a lawyer, we
would immediately have something to ask him about law.
Similarly, Torah should be uppermost in our mind.
Let us honor and love Torah in a way that is clear to all
observers -- ourselves, our families and our friends.
ON TALKING
The Torah is constantly reminding us that we must not ignore
the ramifications of our actions, that it is vital to pay
attention to all of the myriad details possibly resulting
from each and every thing we do.
Putting on our shoes? The right one goes on first and only
then the left. Nothing is haphazard or indiscriminate in the
world of the Jew.
We are also taught about how we should think about and view
time: the value of each and every minute. "Better one hour
of tshuva and good deeds in this world than the
entire life in olom habo" because in this world we
can gain eternal reward from each and every moment if it is
used wisely.
We learn about those who "bought" olom habo in just
one moment due to just one single act on their part, which
thus reinforces in us the importance of what we do with each
and every moment. We also know that time that passes can
never be regained -- nor could we make up what we could have
been doing in that one moment of time.
For us, there is no such thing as eating "only three
minutes" late on erev Yom Kippur. We recognize the
difference one or two minutes can make and are careful not
to lose track of each one. We have enough respect for every
second of time to have no thought of turning a light on
"just one minute after" Shabbos is ushered in.
Deep in our mind and heart, we know that all time wasted is
a tragedy -- for each and every moment. We also know about
the importance of speech -- which differentiates us from
animals. And that makes me worry about how I sometimes live
my life. Granted the current emphasis on practicing
shemiras haloshon. But how about the quality and
quantity of my general speech? All those words and
ideas that come out of my mouth that are not specifically
referring to other people and thus are not discussed in my
Shemiras Haloshon tapes.
I also wonder about the importance of speech and time and of
the relationship between the two. If every word can be a
missile reaching to the heavens or crashing into the void of
destruction, and if every moment wasted is the loss of
eternity, what does that say about the way my family and I
should be speaking?
Ventilating problems must take time. And the enthusiasm of a
child's joy -- or sorrow -- in his small world is also cause
to dwell on at length. As is the wellsprings of doing or
discussing a mitzva or a Torah thought. But what
about blah-blah detailed descriptions of doctors we visit,
clothes we buy, people we saw, things we heard and places we
are going to visit? How can I prevent myself from getting
lost in a rambling miasma of a pasture of verbiage?
How can I manage this with a large family, each child with
an important story to tell? Or with married siblings, each
with a particular "What I did/ what I saw" narrative?
We must listen and encourage the members of our family to
share and elaborate on the excitement of the day -- up to
the point where we recognize that the habit of verbosity is
not really the Torah way. In a family of ten children and 19
grandchildren, how much time is spent just answering the
questions, "How are you?" How much of it has any lasting,
meaningful content?
If we can inculcate a minimizing of blah-blah speech from an
early age, teaching how to tell and share, while keeping in
mind that time is valuable, perhaps we will become adults
that don't blab on and on about non- vital topics. We all
know that if we had a bus to catch in six minutes, we would
tell our story in a much more pithy manner.
It is said that in the Jerusalem of old, Jews were so
fearful of wasting a single word that signatories to a
contract did not even append the extra term eid
(witness) to their names.
[Actually, this article was longer, but due to lack of
space, we took Tzvia's own advice...]
