Stammering presents itself in children from around two years
till the age of about nine. Worried parents initially go to
their doctor, who frequently tries to reassure them that the
child "will grow out of it," and "not to worry." However, the
weeks and months go by and not only does the child not
outgrow it, but the stammer becomes more severe.
In the last article we discussed the question of non-fluency
and when one begins to call it a stammer. The truth is that
much depends on the listener, not just on the speaker, on the
way we judge other's speech. We must bear in mind that we are
not born with a language ready-made in our heads. A child
learns language from the people around him. He usually begins
saying words after the age of a year old, gradually
progressing to phrases, and then to complete sentences. In
the process, he is going to be groping for words,
mispronouncing them, using the wrong words and, it must be
stressed, hesitating over words.
Many adults, when trying to learn a new language, will spend
much of their time saying `um' and `er.' It is definitely
possible for a child who does not have a stammer, to be
diagnosed as having one. It is also true that many children
who stammer have been regarded as normal speakers for a year
or more before the stammer begins, so there must be something
different happening to their speech pattern.
Let us take the example of a child of four. He has two or
three older siblings and two younger ones. He is developing
normally but his parents notice that some of the words he
utters take longer than others. They used to be a bit
concerned, but now they are far more worried. The other
children never spoke like that and the hesitations haven't
stopped. Friends or relatives who call at the house say
things like, "Have you taken him to see someone about that
stammer?" Or "If I were you, I would stop him doing that
before it gets worse." So the parents tell the child to slow
down, relax, take his time, to say it again and sometimes
they tell him to stop being silly. Often this helps; the
child slows down and repeats the words he has been saying
without any stammering.
When parents begin to correct their child for stammering, he
doesn't even know that there is something wrong with his
speech. Even if he is a particularly sensitive child who has
noticed his non-fluencies, his speech is fine as far as he is
concerned because he is communicating successfully. But now
he keeps getting corrected for something he has not done, and
as the correction continues, he gradually becomes aware of
what he is doing and of what his parents disapprove. He
begins to try not to do it, and in the effort of trying, the
tension increases. Stress about speaking develops and the
stammer symptoms increase in frequency and severity.
The more he gets corrected, the more he stammers, and the
more he stammers, the more he gets corrected. In this vicious
circle, the child begins to feel badly about speaking. So the
short term benefit of correcting and being rewarded with a
few fluent sentences is a high price to pay for the long term
future of both speech stress and increased stammer.
Therapists advise parents to stop all correction of the
stammer. Parents may argue that this is the one thing which
stops his stammering. They need to understand the negative
long term effects. It is not only the parents who need to
stop. Uncles, aunts, grandparents, friends and neighbors
should be requested not to make reference to it. Sometimes
people will argue, insisting that it helps to tell him to
slow down, as well as any other form of correction. If this
happens, the parent needs to explain the reasoning behind
their non-intervention and insist that this is what they are
going to do. Some relatives think it is `cute' and laugh at
the child. This, too, has to be discontinued.
Sometimes other children notice the stammer (although
children under six rarely do) and react negatively to it or
begin to tease the child. Asking other children for help
often works wonders, but if you see that those particular
children are teasing him, try to substitute them with other
friends.
Pre-school children have a great advantage over older ones
because their circle of acquainttances in the environment can
be controlled. It is hard work indeed to try to control all
who come into contact with the child. And just as difficult
to control your own initial negative reactions.
It is a fact that we frequently communicate our feelings and
thoughts with "body language." Sometimes we use body language
deliberately. If we cup a hand round an ear, it means we
can't hear. If we beckon with a finger, it means "come here."
A universally accepted sign language. But often we use body
language unconsciously, yet the message is understood by
others. Other people can tell if we are tense or relaxed,
angry or disappoointed, without us having said a word.
Thus, if a mother claims she never reacts to her son's
stammer, but goes and looks out of the window till he has
finished speaking, she is giving a perfect example of body
language. She is saying in effect that she doesn't want to
watch him speaking. Another mother might brush away a tear as
she watches her son struggle. Others might look anxious,
frustrated, annoyed. The child reads the facial expressions.
Body language. A more subtle example of body language is the
sigh of relief when the child has finished speaking!
This is not categorical advice for parents to ignore the
stammer. To act as if it wasn't there is often not
appropriate and might be negative advice. The positive
alternative is to accept the stammer (there is no
choice, actually, if you are not going to fight it and be
distressed by it). Once you have accepted the stammer, you
need to observe it so that you find ways of helping. For
instance, if a child stops speaking because he can't get the
words out, you could say reassuringly, "Never mind, you can
tell me later." If we can learn to treat this child's stammer
as normal speech, the more normal it will become. We are
doing a great deal to help the child because if he feels that
his speech is acceptable to his parents, he is relieved of
stress.
As mentioned, three out of four children outgrow their
stammer spontaneously. If your child is one of the 25% who
does not outgrow it, the chances are high that with this
change of attitude on the part of parents, he will improve.
However, it may take quite a while and there are other
pressures on a child's speech, for example: asking questions
or asking him to `perform' in front of strangers, which will
be discussed in a further article.
