The following letter (excerpted) was sent to a 12-year-old
boy who recently lost his grandfather, shortly after he had
lost his brother. Divine justice is difficult for adults to
absorb, certainly not to understand, but how can we convey a
proper attitude to children? Following is a perspective which
might help those - may we never need it.
Dear Dovid,
This time I'm writing just to you.
You must have been going through hard times now and I was
hoping these lines might make you feel better.
You are very upset to have lost a dear relative, but if you
can look at it with `new glasses,' you will feel like a new
person.
Did you ever realize how lucky you are? Whenever you feel sad
or lonely, or even happy, you can talk to Hashem, pray to
Him, tell Him your worries, or thank Him for all the good
things He constantly does for us.
Did you ever think who gets a special reward - and credit -
for all the mitzvos that you and your family do? It is
your grandparents! They brought up their children in the
right way - and you are continuing their work. Zeidy
is not with us now, but just try to imagine how good he must
feel in Gan Eden, how much pleasure he is getting from all of
you!
It is a special privilege for grandparents and great-
grandparents to see their offspring just the way they wanted
them to be.
We, here in this world, don't always see things well; it's as
if we are going around without glasses. Things are blurred.
Some things seem sad, others happy. But let me tell you:
there are special invisible glasses that we can wear. You
can't get these at the optician. In fact, these are free and
cost only the effort it takes to look through them.
Let me help you use them. When you are lying in bed and
feeling sad, think about the following: How lucky we are to
be healthy. Think of all your limbs, one by one, and how well
they serve you. Think how good it is to have such wonderful
parents who love us so much. Think how happy Zeidy
must be to have such fine grandchildren.
Getting used to your glasses? Are they comfortable? Don't
forget to use them during the day, too.
Yours, Rochel
And along the same lines, a short piece by LMW
COLOR YOUR WORLD
You can color your world. Wear rose-tinted glasses and the
world is rosy. Label your child dumb, slow or uncooperative,
and he'll live up to your expectations. A self-fulfilling
prophecy works both ways. Think back and you'll probably be
able to replay old conversations that played a pivotal role
in your development. The neighbor who said you could dance,
draw or share, empowered you to continue. The parent who
related your wise sayings and good doings within your
earshot, or even when you were officially asleep helped to
create a happier, more confident and capable person.
Perhaps you are very exacting and honest and find it
difficult to pass along compliments. Try to reframe the
situation. Your compliments may have a greater impact because
they are harder to come by, but don't phase them out of
existence. Focus on segments or do like Beis Hillel who sang
the praises of the bride regardless of her traits as "A
charming and beautiful bride." As to the question of honesty,
beauty is in the eye of the beholder and love brings out the
best in everyone. On the other hand, those who are
overenthusiastic in their praise must learn that sometimes
less is more.
R' Avrohom Pam related the following: a noted talmid
chochom once got a very discouraging report from his
son's rebbe which he restated to him very
diplomatically as, "Rebbe says you're doing very well in
class and with a little more work you can become a real
talmid chochom." This child grew up to be one of the
greatest educators in America. Food for thought.
RE: TWINS
R. G., mother and grandmother of twins, suggests keeping a
special scrapbook/notebook for the first year to record the
little and big things in their development, such as when they
first become aware of their own duality. This can be done
with the help of older siblings and will be a pleasure to
look back on. Make sure to have a camera on hand for surprise
situations.
RE: TANACH
"I really enjoy the articles and suggestions that readers
send in. I found the idea of going through Tanach very
inspiring. Yasher koach, Ann Onymous, for having doing
it and shown us that it is do-able. If, the world over,
people can complete Shas via the Daf Yomi,
women can certainly undertake Tanach. While some of my
friends and I have gone through Hilchos Shemiras
Haloshon several times, it is a pity to me that whole
chunks of Hashem's Written Torah and its timeless messages
are total strangers to me.
"We are, of course, all busy, with our priorities and
obligations, but bits of time do present themselves very
often. This reminds me of the story of R' Moshe Feinstein
ztzvk'l who made a siyum on the completion of
Shas from all the time waiting for simchas to
begin! Perhaps we could form a support group. My number is 06-
6920832. We could give each other tips on doing it as long-
or short-range projects. It is only natural that goals will
be realized better with peer pressure. Then, maybe we could
get together for a siyum.
"And a suggestion for anyone undertaking this is to read
through an Artscroll Introduction and Overview to any
sefer you wish to cover. This provides the historical
background and perspective."
I.T. from Tzefas
RE: CHALLOS
Also from I.T.
"In response to Ruth, who couldn't bake on a regular basis: I
think that the articles in Yated are meant to inspire and
help us in our service of Hashem. Of course, not all
suggestions pertain to all of us, nor do they pertain for all
periods in our lives. But it is nice to store the information
and inspiration for that future date or to pass it on to
others for whom the mitzva is realistic so that we can
share in it."
