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Home
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The Day Camp Alternative
by R. Chadshai
My ten-year-old daughter refuses to be registered for the
school day camp. I am a mother of six, my oldest being twelve
and the youngest, a six-month-old baby. I don't work outside
the house, but since she is an only daughter amongst five
boys, I am afraid that she will become bored very quickly
during vacation, especially since most of her friends do
intend to go. In previous years, when I did register her, she
was not pleased about going, even though I know that the
program was well planned, varied, appealing and interesting.
I am very interested in her being part of some social and
occupational structure, since the vacation is long enough
even with the three week day camp, but she vehemently
refuses, claiming that she has enough to keep her busy.
Should I force her to go or leave her be?
A Jerusalem mother
Leave the Decision Up To Her
The summer vacation always looms up threateningly with each
coming summer. The expenses are numerous and the daily
routine goes awry. One must be constantly on one's toes with
productive keep-busy ideas for the children lest they succumb
to laziness, which, as we know, is the mother of sin.
Frustrated mothers recurrently wonder why girls need such a
long vacation, why a three week bein hazemanim would
not suffice to relax, enjoy oneself enough to yearn for the
schoolbench when it has passed.
Nine long weeks are only partially filled with day camps, and
the remainder of the time is filled with boredom. When a
child refuses to attend day camp, one must examine: 1) her
social status. She may have difficulty keeping friends, or
she may be shunted to the sidelines for various reasons. 2)
Possible bad memories she may harbor from experiences in past
day camps. Perhaps her counselor did not show her enough
attention or picked on her. Perhaps she lost in some
competition and took it too hard. Even if it turns out that
none of these negative aspects exist, there is no reason to
force her to attend a day camp. Bear in mind that as
enjoyable as it is meant to be, it will defy its purpose if
it is forced upon her.
Give her the freedom of choice. You think her choice is
unwise? If she realizes her own mistake, the lesson she will
derive will be far more effective and long lasting than if
you make the decision for her. Let her feel that you rely on
her maturity and good sense. Sometimes it is precisely this
approach that will take the wind out of her sails and make
her come to terms with the problem in a mature, sensible
fashion. She will realize that she is not doing you a favor
by going, but doing it for her own benefit. Try to react as
objectively as possible and if she is adamant, accept her
decision naturally and make peace with the idea.
The natural place of a Jewish girl is, after all, ostensibly
in the home! As an adjunct to the mother, in training towards
her future responsibilities as a homemaker. In this modern
age, we have become accustomed to following the herd even
with regard to leisure pastime. We sometimes get carried away
with the imposed need to keep up with society, to do what
everyone else is doing, at the expense of stifling our
natural good sense, desires or sense of creativity. Besides
participation in day camps etc., outside norms dictate to us,
for example, the need for cultural enrichment, such as music
or art classes, going away for vacation, attending certain
performances - `because everyone is doing it'. It is
precisely those who fight this urge and trend, those who
choose their own positive preoccupation and leisure time
activities, who are closer to the natural ideal. A pity not
to let your daughter express her individuality and good sense
fully in this very normal fashion. And in your case, since
she is an only daughter, she can prove to be an invaluable
asset, and this is the perfect opportunity to fuse a strong
relationship with her.
Monitor the nature of her activities: mobilize her for help
in the house, according to her age and capabilities. Enable
her to develop creativity and independence within the home
structure. Enrich her world by providing reading material and
suitable games. Teach her cooking and baking and give her a
free but supervised hand. She can acquire proficiency in many
household areas that will serve her far better than other
social activities, and without the pressure of the school
year, can follow her own instincts and preferences in a
leisurely manner.
Vary the routine at your own pace and whim, without outside
dictation. Send her to relatives in the city or outside it,
where she can spend time together with cousins/friends her
age and then invite them to you in return for a reciprocal
benefit. The long vacation period will pass and then will
come the time to evaluate her choice. You may be the one to
be convinced that it was wise, that her time was not wasted
and that she managed to fill it with productive, positive
activities. Or, she might come to the realization that her
choice was not the best, in which case you can infer the
proper conclusion for the coming year.
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