Two weeks ago, the new organization Tevunot which has burst onto the scene, held a session in Neve Yaakov with HaRav Yehoshua Eichenstein, rosh yeshiva of Yad Aharon, and they were treated to interesting and useful analysis and advice about chinuch generally and the vacation specifically.
Part I
For Part II click here.
Opening Remarks
The evening opened with some short remarks from HaRav Eichenstein about chinuch in general:
Many are mistaken about the essence of chinuch. It is important to understand what is really going on, since a mistaken understanding of the roots of chinuch may cause many problems. We will try to touch on the essential meaning of the word "chinuch."
We find the word chinuch used in the context: chanukas hamizbei'ach. Chanukas hamizbei'ach certainly does not mean forming proper habits since the mizbeiach has no need of this. The mizbeiach gets chinuch through being anointed with oil, or through its being used in avodah. And then it gets chinuch once and for all.
The essence of the chinuch of the mizbeiach is bringing out the kedusha that was already latent in it, from potential to actuality. It has to come to expression. They originally came and infused it with potential kedushah, but it was lacking the chinuch that would bring out this potential to actuality, to become real. The way to bring out and to uncover the kedushah that it latent in it is with the shemen hamishchah or through using it for avodah. This is the action that creates actual kedushah in the mizbeiach. It brings out the latent kedushah into practice.
This is the real idea of chinuch of children to mitzvos. When a child is born, he or she has a latent power of kedushah. However in the early stages the kedushah is just potential. It must be drawn out into actuality. This is why we are mechanech the growing child by fulfilling mitzvos. This is what causes the buildup and reality of kedushah in man. Just like avodah on the mizbeiach brings its kedushah out into reality, so the idea of chanoch lana'ar al pi darko is to establish in the child a reality of kedushah, by doing mitzvos.
How does this translate into practice? The remarks of the Mesillas Yeshorim (chapter 7) about zerizus are well known: that the external, physical actions of a person affect his internal state. Thus, whoever does an external action, it arouses within an internal connection to that.
Based on this understanding, many parents reason that if a child does not want to do something, he should be pushed and pressured to do it anyway. Even if it is a dry, external activity, as a result of external compulsion, the performance of the good action — they hope — will arouse within an internal connection, which will eventually develop into a habitual performance. Through many and steady actions, the child will develop an internal connection to the performance and will be mechunach.
However, if we read the Mesillas Yeshorim carefully, we see that this is not the proper interpretation of his words. The Ramchal explains that zerizus in avodas Hashem flows from an internal love and connection. If there already is this internal connection and will, then the external activity will amplify and strengthen that connection, against the material body that opposes its coming to fruition. The external actions work to amplify the preexisting internal connection. But it is clear that there must be some internal connection while doing the activity. A dry and purely external action does nothing.
The goal and essence of chinuch is to establish the inner powers of the child. Thus, an external action that has no connection to penimiyus is certainly no way to be mechanech and to build a person. Even more than this: if one forces a child to do external actions that are opposed by his penimiyus, not only will it not achieve chinuch in any positive sense, but experience teaches us that it will arouse in him a negative reaction to these very actions. The result is the diametric opposite of chinuch.
For example: A mother asks her young daughter to help clean up the house. The young girl wants to play at that time, and the mother forces her to clean against her will. If the girl does have at least some inner will to help at that time, then when she is forced to clean it will develop her inner will. But if she had no such desire, and she is forced without any penimiyus on her part, it will just arouse within her opposition and resentment, which totally miss the purpose of chinuch and will not contribute to her future desire to help out.
Therefore, in chinuch of children it is always important to take into account their inner powers and desires in relation to what we ask of them and build up their penimiyus before we force them from the outside.
This is what the posuk means: Chanoch lana'ar al pi darko, gam ki yazkin lo yosur mimenoh. Educate the youth according to his way, and then when he ages he will not depart from that way. The inner powers vary greatly from person to person. Therefore, when approaching chinuch, we must do it by educating the youth according to his way, meaning to appreciate the inner reality of the one who is being educated, and find the way to bring it out into practice.
If we educate in this way, a person acquires beneficial ways and then when he ages he will not depart from it, because his individuality was built up in the proper way and his inner powers were developed properly, according to the way appropriate to him. But if all his activities were just superficial behavior that just stimulated inner resistance, one can never reach a state of when he ages he will not depart from that way.
Thus the importance of a kenes like this one and yasher koach to Rabbi Eliezer Rauchberger of Degel Hatorah for organizing it.
Question: In our times there are tremendous temptations to test us, especially for young boys, and especially in bein hazmanim when people are outside their usual framework. Temptations come up more readily and it is very hard to deal with them. What characterizes the temptations of our times and what is our job as parents in this matter?
HaRav Eichenstein: The first thing to point out is that the temptations are indeed very powerful and tough. Most parents do not really understand the scope and the depth of the problems of today, and they wrongfully think that the temptations are the same ones that they faced when they were young, some decades ago. The truth is that the changes are tremendous and powerful. Parents should realize that the youth of today are faced with tests that are much harder than what was going on 20 or 30 years ago.
This is not the proper forum to explain at length the roots of the situation and the causes of these great temptations, but we will make a few short remarks: One of the things that had caused the great changes of our generation is the spirit of permissiveness that there is today. In the past everyone knew what you should not do, and even if their desires overcame them, they knew that these things were really forbidden and they were embarrassed about their actions. In our day the pervasive spirit of permissiveness gives one the feeling that everything is allowed. There is an intellectual justification for indulging one's desires and for giving in to temptations. The power of reason to resist desires has become very degraded and therefore it is hard to resist the temptations. Moreover, the temptations of our times are so easily available, one can indulge so easily, that this magnifies the power of the temptations many fold.
In this context it is important to stress: Many parents think: Oh my son is a tzaddik and he will certainly do nothing wrong. I can let him do as he pleases and nothing untoward will happen. Unfortunately, this is very wrong. There are bochurim who were truly exceptional and nonetheless did not withstand the temptations when they were tested. Parents must realize how strong the temptations can be and to know how dangerous the situation is, and they must watch their children, especially during bein hazmanim.
What is the responsibility of the parents, lema'aseh, during the bein hazmanim to prevent such falls?
One must keep his children as far as possible from any temptations. And also to make sure that they have some good activity. Idleness brings to desolation, and this opens the door too all sorts of bad things. Parents must invest as much thought as is necessary to ensure that their children will be occupied in a good way. This is certainly not an easy thing, but because of the great danger they must put in a lot of thought. Even when they go on trips everything must be under the watchful eye of a responsible adult. There are many organizations that sponsor bein hazmanim yeshivas with supervised programs. This is very important for the bochurim.
Next week: More questions
