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Home
and Family
Women's Retreat Celebrates Life and Healing
by Yonina Hall
In a lovely kibbutz setting over two beautiful winter days,
forty-five women of all ages gathered together to learn, to
relax, and to share. Some were presently undergoing medical
treatment, some were recovered, and some were just diagnosed.
What they had in common was cancer.
Had they told their friends or neighbors back home why they
were attending this "Recovery Retreat," they would have been
met with uncomfortable stares. This illness has the power to
stigmatize and stereotype, isolating its sufferers and
depriving them of the very support they need to cope with a
difficult nisoyon. At the retreat, however, they
experienced warmth, acceptance and validation.
"It was a very holistic approach, to make these women feel
they've got everything going for them," says Chaya Heller,
founder and director of Beit Natan, the only health resource
and cancer support center for religious women in Israel,
which sponsored the retreat in partnership with Tishkofet.
"It showed them that they are good, normal, valuable people
who are undergoing a difficult period in their lives. It
picked them up on all levels."
On the educational side, there were lectures by a doctor, an
oncology nurse, a nutritionist, a psychologist, a rabbi and
two survivors. Speakers candidly discussed the specifics of
how cancer impacts one's life and family, how to interact
with medical personnel, and what to expect during treatment
and recovery.
One survivor spoke about the effect of the illness on her
home and children. Her lecture sparked many questions, like:
What do you do when you can't make Shabbos? Are you going to
tell your children? Are you going to tell your neighbors?
"The women who shared their personal stories were most
inspiring," says Yitty, who was diagnosed only recently. "It
was emotional, too, to see everyone who had their own stories
and personal challenges. When you go to something you know
you'll be emotional about, you prepare yourself, you bring
your tissues. I didn't think I'd be as affected as I was. It
was really quite moving."
Emotional reactions are part and parcel of living with this
illness, explains Mrs. Heller. "People are very vulnerable
when they're under treatment and going through all the trials
of family stresses and dealing with doctors and insurance
benefits. Throughout the retreat, we had a social worker, a
counselor for people with life-threatening illness, members
of our helpline staff, members of our home hospice program,
and volunteers doing personal counseling on a one-to-one
basis."
Since everyone who came to the retreat was at a different
stage, the question and answer sessions helped them learn
from each other's experiences. During the psychologist's
presentation, for example, a woman who has been recovered for
a year reported that her six-year-old son just told her,
"Right, Mommy, you were sick because of me?" The psychologist
assured the surprised audience that this is normal
identification for a six-year-old child.
The retreat also featured a series of professional workshops
designed to increase self-awareness and interpersonal
sharing. Counselors explored the topics of exercise and
relaxation, laughter, spirituality and coaching in small,
interactive groups.
The laughter workshop, for example, found twenty women
gathered in a pretty outdoor succah with professional
counselor Yehudit Kutler. "She got everyone laughing, but not
with jokes," reports Mrs. Heller. "First she talked about the
power of laughter, how it relieves stress in the mouth and
jaw, burns up calories, and releases endorphins that relieve
stress. Then she had us do an exercise: We were to greet
someone, and then burst into laughter. Everyone walked
around, shook hands with each other, and burst out laughing.
It was so much fun, and released a lot of stress."
Recreational activities were optional, but women flocked to
the classes in art, jewelry-making, reflexology and massage
— and a jeep ride through the Judean Desert. Many had
never been in a jeep before, and thoroughly enjoyed the
exciting twists and turns and the stunning desert scenery.
Evening programs included stories and songs by Ariella Savir
and folk dancing led by Michal Habbori. Those who couldn't
dance, sat and clapped to the lively Purim and wedding
music.
"I felt safe there," relates Miriam, a nine-year survivor who
is now back in treatment. "I felt there was an atmosphere of
common understanding and experience, and even if we didn't
explicitly talk about it, we were all on the same wavelength.
I was with a group of women who, in spite of everything
they'd gone through, were all working so nicely to celebrate
life."
The entire kibbutz was kashered for the event by Rav Dovid
Zaritsky, and chefs made every effort to present appealing
and delicious fare. Breakfast, for example, featured pancakes
and omelets made to order, fresh whole-wheat pitas, and lots
of salads.
Another psychological boost was the "Look Good, Feel Better"
workshop, sponsored by the Israel Cancer Association. Three
young makeup artists from El Makiage, a Tel Aviv cosmetics
firm, donated their afternoon to do free makeovers for anyone
who wanted. "The transformation of some of these women was
totally amazing," Yitty recalls. "For one woman, who didn't
usually wear makeup, it changed her entire facade. She looked
stunning, and felt so good about herself too. That makeup
workshop was so special."
The retreat concluded on a poignant note with a
brochohs party. The entire gathering, by now good
friends, sat together and made brochohs on cake,
fruit, vegetables and drink, replying omein to each
others' blessings. For different foods, they were asked to
have in mind different people to receive the merit for
parnossoh, shidduchim, children, etc. When it came to
long life and speedy recovery, everyone blessed each
other.
"This illness has the power to foster much personal,
emotional and spiritual growth," concludes Mrs. Heller. "At
the end of the day, everyone, staff included, shared a lot of
love and joy at this retreat."
Beit Natan plans to hold its next "Recovery Retreat" in
northern Israel this summer. For more information or to
dedicate a sponsorship, call 02-643-3447.
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BEIT NATAN: A DECADE OF HEALTH AWARENESS
Ten years ago, a dear friend of Chaya Heller contracted a
difficult form of women's cancer. As a kollel wife and
mother, a new immigrant, and the family breadwinner, her
illness turned her and her family's life upside down. Mrs.
Heller and other close friends became involved in her care
both at home and at hospital, and were with her when she
passed away.
"During this period, I began to see the special needs of
chareidi women who become sick," Mrs. Heller says.
"While I was at the hospital, some of the nurses told me that
many chareidi women presented themselves at later
stages of the illness, because they didn't know that early
detection could save lives."
Those ideas began to point her in a new direction after she
spoke with a friend who was a hospital psycho-oncologist.
Together, the two petitioned the Israel Cancer Association
for funding to educate chareidi women about early
detection. They got the grant, and went on to train dozens of
chareidi women volunteers to conduct public lectures.
They also collected dozens of haskamos from leading
Rabbanim to support the effort. This was the beginning of
Beit Natan, the only women's health resource and cancer
support center for religious women in Israel.
Operating under the direct supervision of HaRav Yisroel Gans,
Beit Natan has reached more than 9,000 women through its
health education and patient support services. These include
a telephone helpline, home hospice visitation program,
English- and Hebrew-speaking support groups, and winter and
summer "Recovery Retreats."
Last year, Beit Natan launched a nationwide early-detection
campaign using the membership rolls of the Clalit Health
Fund, Israel's largest. In its first year, trained volunteers
telephoned more than 8,000 women over the age of 50 to
discuss the importance of annual screening.
"The community has become more open," Mrs. Heller reports.
"In the beginning, I couldn't even advertise the word cancer
because people would tear down our posters. Now more and more
women are coming to our support groups and retreats.
"Cancer is a nisoyon like any other trial that Hashem
gives us. To place it in a box of fear and ignore it, is to
ignore the fact that we are religious, believing Jews. Beit
Natan acts as a guide to this journey, helping women stay
strong while facing their own vulnerabilities and adjusting
to a new reality."
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