Well, it appears that I once again have another friend who
has hit the age of grandchildren getting engaged and married.
It's a little unnerving, but, Boruch HaShem, a happiness
nonetheless. My friend, however, turned to me with a tale of
woe, which prompted this article.
Soon after the "mazal tov," the young couple-to-be
went to a respected local printer to look at and choose
wedding invitations. The invitation they chose cost a
fortune, but the parents agreed to it because, after all, it
was the wedding of their first daughter, and the boy and his
family were very fine people.
When the couple got their beautiful invitations (with
matching envelopes, of course) from the printer, they were
very pleased.
Several people who were close to the mother had offered to
give 'wedding advice hints,' but both the mother and her
bride-to-be daughter were too busy and excited to take up any
of those offers.
Though some friends felt sorry that their offers of "educated-
informational help" weren't taken up, those closest to the
family felt even worse when they saw the invitations. So much
money had been spent for something that would only hang on a
refrigerator door for a week or two, and would then be thrown
into the garbage by everyone except the couple and their
parents! But that wasn't the half of it.
Somehow, in all of the excitement, no one had thought to
check the size of the mailing envelopes when they were
ordered. Which meant that when the happy bride-to-be brought
her boxes of stuffed, already-addressed envelopes to the post
office to mail, the entire family was in for a shock.
In addition to the extra expense of the very expensive paper
that had been chosen for the wedding invitations, each
envelope that was to be sent also needed an additional stamp
on it because it was both too heavy and classified as
"outsized" — i.e., each invitation needed two stamps
instead of only one.
This turned out to be a very big, and a very unnecessary,
extra expense (do the math for 360 envelopes!), especially
since that extra centimeter or two on the invitation wasn't
essential by any means. In fact, the only one who benefited
from those extra few centimeters/inches was the post
office!
Recognizing that invitations are a necessary, but easily
inflated, expense, I offer these suggestions for
Things to Look Out for When Ordering Invitations:
1.The Paper:
As the paper is the most expensive part of the printing
process, it is important not to start looking through the
printer's Paper Catalogue blindly — because once the
young couple have found a paper they 'love,' it may be hard
to change their minds. Begin by asking to see the cheapest
paper, and then work your way up the price scale.
Very often there are cheaper papers with the same visual
effect as the more expensive paper. In addition, many of the
colors available in expensive varieties of paper have very
similar counterparts at much less the price. In fact,
sometimes the color of the cheaper paper is almost
indistinguishable from the more expensive variety! And, since
most invitations soon end up in the garbage pail, a slight
difference in hue is really an unnecessary additional
expense.
If you do just 'jump in' and immediately begin looking
through the printer's Paper Catalogue, at least do not choose
the paper you like and then immediately order it for your
invitations. First ask the printer if there are any other
varieties of paper that are similar to the one that you like,
but cheaper. Then spend a few minutes looking at the various
papers, and honestly comparing them — remembering that
money saved here can be better spent elsewhere. In fact, even
if there is a noticeable difference between the two types of
paper, it is wise to keep in mind that the wedding guests
will remember the simchah — not the invitation.
If the invitation is remembered at all, it will only be in
passing. Therefore, money is better spent on a nice
bencher or other giveaway favor that might remain as a
keepsake, or not being spent at all.
2. The Text:
Arrive at the printer with an already agreed upon text for
the invitation. This text should also have already been
proofread a few times. Pay particular attention to the
spelling of everybody's name, and double check the correct
time and date of the wedding, particularly if the Hebrew
states "Ohr le . . . " This has created many a
confusion, with guests at one Bar Mitzva celebration showing
up at the hall on the wrong day of the week! It is therefore
most prudent to also include the day of the week as well as
the correct date!
I believe it is the Malbim who says that a person should not
number the months according to the non-Jewish date. It is
therefore preferable that all months should be spelled out
using their names. In fact, writing out the entire name of
the secular month on the invitation (i.e., September or
April) actually even looks more elegant than a hyphenated
listing of numbers! In addition, since it is unlikely that
anyone would be sending out a wedding invitation more than a
year ahead of time, there is no reason to write the secular
year that the wedding is taking place. That is a truly
unnecessary way of marking off the period of time,
particularly since our Sages do caution against numbering
according to the birth of a foreign deity.
Be sure that both sides proofread the text again, very
carefully, after your printer has given you his typed text
for the invitation. Although you must still recheck again
that no names are misspelled and that all of the dates are
correct, be sure this time to also pay close attention to any
extra spaces or commas. If the Hebrew date is "ohr le . .
. " be sure to double and triple check the secular date,
since, as stated above, it happens too often that the secular
date is wrong.
It is important to remember that, if a posuk is used,
most hold that the invitation needs to be put into
geniza, or, at the minimum, doubled-bagged in plastic
bags and placed respectfully in the garbage pail. Check with
your Rabbi, but it is much kinder to all if you simply try to
avoid such inadvertent problems for the community.
3. Quantity:
Though the best advice is probably to ask your knowledgeable
friends how they figured it out, a good rule of thumb is to
take the number of your guests, divide by two (most are
probably couples), and add 50. If it is usual to send
separate, individual invitations to each of the unmarried
friends of the young couple (rather than include the friend
in his/her family's invitation), remember to also add that
additional amount of invitations to the total as well.
Order your invitations in increments of 50, as most printers
will charge the same amount of money for 325 invitations as
for 350. However, clarify before ordering where your
individual printer changes the price. No matter what the
amount of invitations you are ordering, remember that it is
always a good idea to have several extra ones printed. (I
actually know several people who had to go to the expense of
completely reprinting their invitations because they didn't
order enough, and the families involved did not want to send
out invitations that were merely photocopied!)
Always carry three or four unaddressed invitations with you
wherever you are going until the actual time of the wedding,
since, invariably, you will meet someone whom you forgot to
invite. With the extra invitations in your purse, you will be
able to simply whip one out and hand it to them
personally.
Save any extra, unused invitations to include in the couple's
wedding album, to give as a nice, framed "first anniversary
gift," and even to give to their children, for their own
albums. These extra invitations also make a cute "place card"
at the head tables for the couple at their first bris,
pidyon haben etc.
4. Extras:
Print dinner cards, RSVPs and thank-you notes (if you want
them) at the same time as the invitations. There are several
reasons for doing this: first, it will be cheaper than doing
each thing separately; second, all printed material to do
with your affair will thus be completely coordinated in terms
of paper, color, and style; and, third, you won't have to
worry about doing it later — a big plus.
It is usually cheapest to print in black lettering. If your
couple has their hearts set on gold printing, ask the printer
to show you maize or mustard-yellow. This often looks just
like gold printing, but is much, much cheaper.
5. Thank you notes:
Keep the printed text of these as simple as possible, perhaps
merely the names of the couple, and print a lot of them. Your
newlywed couple will thus be able to use the cards later on
as notes and/or greeting cards, and even be able to attach
them to wedding and/or Bar Mitzva gifts that they will be
giving to others in the future. Remember that printing on two
sides of the paper will increase the price considerably.
6. Timing:
The printing process can take at least a week or so, but
things can always happen such as slowdowns in deliveries of
the particular paper that was ordered, the sudden need to
order additional envelopes, and/or problems with proofreading
or the computers, so try not to leave your visit to the
printer to the last minute.
After you receive your finished invitations, remember that
you still need to address the envelopes and send them out,
all of which takes time, and you want your guests to receive
the invitations about 4-6 weeks before the event (in Israel,
1-2 weeks beforehand). It is therefore wise to go to see the
printer as early as you can after setting the wedding date
and finalizing the hall (at least 6-8 weeks before the date).
Give yourself enough leeway so that if something does go
wrong, you will not have to send apology notices as well,
chas vesholom. (Note: if your wedding coincides with a
national or a religious holiday, leave an extra week or two
for delivery of the mail.)
May all of Am Yisroel have only Happy Events.
[Appreciation to Talya Shachar-Albocher, of The Mazel Tov
Studio, Jerusalem, who contributed some information for this
article.]
