I have a song in my heart today!
I wish I had it ten years ago as well. Ten years is a long
time. Why did it take me so long?
My husband said something so sweet today. "We'll buy kitchen
cupboards for you when we get that money next month."
I then reminded him about the cost of our son's orthodontic
work. He sighed.
And I've gone around the whole day with a song in my heart.
He wanted me to have cupboards instead of shelves. Knowing
that he would gladly spend the money on something that is
important to me, even though its not important to him and
even though he'd much rather spend the money on the many
seforim he yearns to own - that's what put the song
there!
Ten years ago, when he told me that he'd buy me a new closet
to replace our broken, second-hand, ugly one, I was not
understanding when we didn't have enough money. Then I felt
deprived. Hurt. He hadn't kept his promise.
It's a pity that I didn't see then what I see now, today.
Now I see his desire to give, even in this day and age when
there is so little income. Now I see his hopes that I should
be happy.
Because really what we get and what we have comes from
Hashem. I still remember when I desperately needed shoes for
two of my children but didn't have any money at all. What to
do? Pray, of course! So I prayed for shoes. The next day,
a neighbor knocked on the door with a large bag dragging
behind her. "Maybe you could use something from in here? I
was cleaning out my closets... "
There were two pairs of shoes that fit my children perfectly -
- this really happened! I didn't pray for money and I didn't
get any. I just got what I needed. And the truth is, that's
always true even though we feel we're lacking, even
when we're not lucky enough to see the puzzles fit together
like I did that time.
The real problem is changing our feelings, our views of what
we need.
Ten years ago he didn't say he was sorry when the new closet
didn't materialize. Or that he wished so much that we could
afford all the things I wanted. Or that he felt bad for not
earning enough money. But even though he didn't say all
those things this time either, this time I heard them
anyway.
I may not get kitchen cupboards but I'm happy.
