D'you' know that rushing feeling? That tension throughout
your entire body that makes you want to push everybody and
everything out of your way so that you can just dash ahead
without any obstructions and get wherever you are supposed to
be five minutes sooner? It's that "I'm an on-time kind of
person" feeling, but somehow something happened and now
you're scared you're going to be late.
It does happen sometimes. Sometimes more than others, and to
some people more than to others. But then, there is that
other group. The "I have a 9:00 a.m. appointment," type who
leaves the house at 9:00 or 9:15.
It's not that they mean to be late, it's just that, well,
they got there, didn't they? After all, things do come up,
don't they? And anyway it's only ten or fifteen minutes after
the meeting time. (At this point, you are usually treated to
a calm, sweet smile.)
Interestingly enough, the people in this second group are
usually surprised that you are surprised — or peeved
— that they are late. And it is not a phoney, insincere
surprise. It is genuine amazement. Each and every time.
I have had several people like this in my life, and, in fact,
still have one or two friends in this group. They are
wonderful people. And being that I am from the first group [I
think and hope], I have learned quite a few fascinating
things about the when and whys of the second group.
I'd like to share a few of these insights with you,
irrespective of into which group you most easily fit. Because
if the above description could apply to you, these ideas
might help you get to where you are going on time when you do
want to. And, if you fit into the other group, these hints
might help you to deal more charitably with chronic
latecomers, and/or perhaps even to see the humor in it. At
the least, it may help you recognize beforehand that you are
probably going to have to wait a little: you may therefore be
able to break that cycle of complete surprise each and every
time that you do have to wait a little for that person. (I
find it incomprehensible that I am incapable of anticipating,
or learning to accept and expect the fact that X will be late
again: it is totally amazing that it comes as such a compete
surprise to me each and every time!)
Five Ideas for Getting There on Time:
1) Don't start doing things during the last twenty minutes
before you need to get to your appointment, no matter how
near or far away the appointment is.
Many people think like this: I am meeting my friend in the
city at eleven o'clock. It takes about twenty minutes to get
there [driving or by bus]. Since it is 10:10 now, I have
plenty of time, so I'll just throw in another load of white
laundry.
The problem is, that a white laundry takes time to put in,
with the spraying of cuffs and all. And you could thus very
well end up "just needing to do these last three or four
shirts," which, quite unintentionally, could easily make you
late for your appointment.
In fact, chances are, once the white load is in the washing
machine, you might even suddenly remember that you really
should take it out damp and hang it up so that the stuff
won't wrinkle so much. Which means, without any bad intention
on your part, that you are probably going to be late.
Conclusion: Don't start projects that can lead "one thing to
another" within the last 20-30 minutes before you have to
leave for an appointment.
2) In your head, always round off the time shown on your
clock to the later five minutes, in fifteen minute
increments. What do I mean?
If the clock shows 9:08, you think 9:15 in your head. If the
clock shows 10:52, you think 11:00. Those four or five extra
minutes you have added on can definitely make the difference
between getting somewhere on time, or being late.
Worse comes to worst, you won't have to rush at the end of
your journey in case, by some freak, you do end up getting to
your meeting three or four minutes early. It is certainly
better than having the clock say 9:06, and you relating to it
as 9:00!
3) Don't forget to figure in the getting to the
getting there time, as well as the getting to the arriving
there time. What does this mean?
Many people think like this: I have a ten o'clock appointment
in the city. It takes about twenty minutes to get there. It
is 9:15 now. If I leave the house at 9:40, I'll have plenty
of time to get to my appointment.
The problem is, they have forgotten that getting to the
getting there also takes time. For example: It will take 4-5
minutes to get your pocketbook and straighten your
sheitel before leaving the house. It will take another
2-3 minutes to find your front-door key in your purse, lock
the front door, and put the key back. Then there is [either]
a 4-5 minute walk to the bus stop (assuming you do not meet a
neighbor on the way, who you must stop and say "hi" to for 1-
3 minutes), or 6-7 minutes to open the garage door, open the
car door, start the engine, readjust the rear-view mirror and
the seat, pull out of the garage carefully, and then shut the
garage door behind you.
Though the trip to the meeting place might only take 20
minutes of traveling, these extra minutes must be added to
the traveling time in order to get there (plus, of course,
the 5-8 minutes waiting for the bus, in case you just missed
it).
All this together adds at least another 11-15 minutes to your
traveling time, even before you started traveling! And this
doesn't yet include finding a parking space, rummaging around
in your purse for change and putting it in the meter, and
then walking to the place of the meeting (anywhere from 6-14
minutes probably), or waiting your turn to get off the bus
and walking to your destination (2-4 minutes, probably).
4) Don't answer the phone within the final 2-3 minutes before
you leave your house. After all, you won't be able to say
more than, "I'm sorry, I'm leaving the house now. I'll call
you back when I return," — and then you have to find a
pen that works and some paper in order to write yourself a
message, which can also take 2-3 minutes at least. Or, a
worse scenario, it could be your mother-in-law or a friend
who just went into the hospital, chas v'sholom, and
then, how can you rush them? You're going to have to talk for
6-8 minutes at least, probably closer to 10-15! Which means
you'll definitely be late.
No, I am not a nut about 2 minutes here and 3 minutes there.
It's just that, via life's experiences, I have found that
some very fine people do not take these little bits of time
into account, and, therefore, they are invariably late for
appointments. They sincerely feel, and look, surprised, the
wonderment often written all over their face, or at the other
extreme, show a calm, complete acceptance of the fact that,
once again this time, it happened: though they left their
home with the 20 minutes that were necessary to get where
they were going, somehow or other they ended up being late
again. Astounding to them, because they do not put into the
time equation the fact that 2 plus 3 plus 6 plus 4 plus 7
plus 4 equals 26, which is almost half an hour.
5) Never, but never, stop off on the way to just "pop into
this store and quickly get a . . . because it's right here."
Invariably, and indubitably, you will either have to wait for
the customer in front of you who will take eons of time to
make a simple decision, or else the saleswoman will have to
go to the back of the store to search for the item that is on
display, which will mean that she therefore cannot quickly
give it to you in a bag. It always happens that way, even in
those stores in which you have never seen any other
customers.
How did I figure all this out? I have a wonderful friend who
is very, very organized, but somehow is never on time. She
lives a 2-minute walk from my house, plus 2-3 minutes to
close her front door and get down her stairs.
One morning, I was under a lot of pressure to finish a
project at the back of my apartment, but she called and asked
if she could come over and get some things she needed for a
charity. Not wanting to put her off, as she is quite a
tzeddekes, we arranged that she would come right over.
Since it would have been very difficult to start and then
stop in the middle of what I was doing, I puttered around
near my front door, waiting for her, so that when she knocked
I could quickly open the door without having to keep her
waiting, and give her the things she needed.
After two or three minutes, I suddenly remembered that her
"right now" is not as immediate as mine is, and so, since I
was under a lot of pressure to finish my project that day, I
called to ask her if she was really coming "right now" or if
she meant within the next half hour or so (which meant that I
would return to working on my project until she arrived).
Her phone rang two or three times and then, just as I was
about to hang up, she answered. I was surprised, having
figured that she must have already left her house. She said
that her coat was on, and that she was just going out the
door.
Which is when it hit me, and I asked in all seriousness, "So
if you are in the middle of leaving the house, why would you
answer the phone?"
She answered, in her calm, collected way, "I answered the
phone, because I didn't know who was calling."
It is good to be reminded sometimes that only HaShem can
create one mold (i.e., Adom haRishon), yet have each and
every person that comes from that one mold look and act and
think and be different from each and every other person.
