This a compendium of independent stories and saying of the
Steipler Gaon about chinuch. The first part, published
on parshas Mattos, observed, among other things, that
people used to be happy because they overcame adversity
simply in making a living and running a household. Now those
tasks do not present difficulties that must be overcome, so
people are not happy. The only case where there is
difficulty is in Torah learning. If the husband toils in
Torah and the wife supports him and encourages him, they can
both have a feeling of satisfaction in successfully learning
Torah. The Steipler was also quoted as being against
spoiling children, and as recommending a generally gently
touch, though not ruling out hitting in some cases such as
not saying a brochoh or the child hitting another
cruelly.
Negative Influences
The problems posed by bad neighbors or by a detrimental
environment have to be dealt with wisely. It is interesting
to note the Steipler's instructions to someone he knew, who
asked what he should do about a neighbor who had a
television in his house.
"I asked the Steipler: The neighbor's granddaughter has come
to him for a short stay. My daughter plays with her and I
don't know how to warn my daughter not to go into this
neighbor's house where the TV is. Can I for example tell my
daughter that someone who watches TV is called a
rosho? That could lead to problems if my daughter
tells her friend what I said. She would tell her grandfather
straight away and it would cause a quarrel between
neighbors. That's how I put the question.
"Our teacher responded, `Don't tell her that someone who
watches TV is merely called a rosho. Tell her
that by watching TV one actually becomes a big
rosho! Every image that a young child sees takes root
within him and never leaves him. It involves a danger to
life! The damage is indescribable.'
"He then added, `You have to train your daughter and you
don't need to worry about it leading to a quarrel. The
neighbors also need to know' . . . "
Another questioner asked about his young daughter, who did
not pronounce several letters correctly. Should she be taken
to visit a hospital for speech therapy? [At the time, the
hospital involved was Tel Hashomer.] Our teacher replied
forcefully, "It's not worthwhile to go. She could hear
heresy there that would cause her greater damage [than the
speech problem]. Hashem will help that she should learn how
to speak without them." (It is in place to repeat the
cautionary message mentioned at the beginning of this
article against drawing practical conclusions from these
stories, without examining each case based on its unique
circumstances.)
And on the subject of children's development, the following
story is brought in Halichos Vehanhogos. An
avreich was concerned about one of his young children,
who was not developing relative to the others. The Steipler
told him, "That's not a reason to worry. Every child is an
individual. One develops early, while another is later. I
know people who looked like eight-year-olds until their
bar mitzva and then, in a short time, they became
mature bochurim. You have nothing to worry about."
Choosing a Place to Learn
Here are two interesting incidents where the Steipler gave
advice on this topic. The first question was, "Is there a
preference in choosing a talmud Torah where the
tefilloh follows the same nusach as the
parents'?"
The Steipler responded, "No attention should be paid to the
nusach. The main factor in choosing a cheder is
that the child should receive more Torah and yiras
Shomayim there. If there are two chadorim which are
the same in that respect, then the place that has the same
nusach as the parents is preferable."
The second question was, "My son, who is learning in
cheder, is not getting along with the melamed.
Is it worthwhile changing him to a different cheder?"
Our teacher smiled and answered, "There was a child in our
family whose teacher was causing him problems, which he
suffered from greatly. So he switched chadorim. When
the child arrived in the new cheder, he found that
that melamed had also moved to the second
cheder, and that he would be teaching his class. In
the end, he suffered from this melamed for two years .
. . it's impossible to know where things will be better."
The author of Orchos Rabbeinu quotes the Steipler as
having said in the name of the Chazon Ish that if a child or
a bochur is doing well in his current place of
learning, he shouldn't be taken out and placed elsewhere.
(See Orchos Chaim, siman 53 from HaRav Chaim
Volozhiner.)
Teach Them to Your Sons
The Steipler once remarked that in the past, when the
surroundings were pure and the melamed was a great
yerei Shomayim, people relied upon the melamed.
Today, the father has to train his son himself.
As a rule, he would encourage parents to learn with their
children themselves outside the hours of cheder
classes. HaRav Shlomo Zalman Weisenstern recalled what he
heard from the Steipler on this subject. It was when a group
of talmidei chachomim were about to open a branch of
Yeshivas Hamasmidim in Bnei Brak, with a program of after-
hours study for cheder pupils.
"We went to him and asked about the whole idea, whether to
set up such a framework of learning for the boys.
`Chas vesholom!' he said. `In principle, there is a
mitzvoh to teach one's child, veshinantom levonecho,
which obliges a father to learn with his son. It's only
because the father is occupied with earning a livelihood
that he hires a teacher for his child. Certainly then, when
he is free from all his business, he needs to learn with his
son and if he can do so, sending him to a masmidim
group instead is not an option.
`However,' [he continued,] `if you open the masmidim
[there are those who will benefit since] the fact is that
there are people who don't care to learn with their children
and there are also children who quarrel or disturb their
parents at home.' He blessed us and instructed us to open
the yeshiva.
Love of Torah from a Young Age
HaRav Weisenstern continues, "I saw how the Steipler
inculcated appreciation of the value of Torah and a love of
Torah in his home. I saw how he trained his son, who was
then under bar mitzvah age, to go through the
masechtos of the gemora and copy into a notebook
the number of times this tanna or that amora's
name was mentioned. I seem to recall that the boy had a
separate notebook for each maseches.
"When his daughters were young, he also taught them the
names of perokim of mishanyos, in their order,
and they learned them by heart. Every Friday night he would
tell his young children stories about tzaddikim, or
stories that inspired them to serve Hashem."
A grandson of the Steipler relates that his grandfather once
made a little aron kodesh for him, in which to keep
and play with a small, child-size sefer Torah.
Among the Steipler's papers, a page was found on which the
Steipler had written down the names of Rishonim and
Acharonim with a list of four of the seforim
that each of them had written. The names were written inside
rectangles. This was a game he had devised for his children
as a substitute for cards.
The mashgiach in the yeshiva in Pinsk (which the Steipler
headed before moving to Eretz Yisroel), related that
he was once playing with the Steipler's two- year-old son
ylct'a. When they entered the yeshiva, he said to the
child, "I'm looking for a medrash," and, to everyone's
surprise, the toddler went and showed him where the shelf
with the medroshim was. Later they found out that his
father has taught him where the volumes of the Shas,
the Rambam, the midroshim and the Shulchan
Oruch all were. In his wisdom, he filled his children's
hearts with a Torah that was part of life!
A Lifelong Obligation
In Orchos Rabbeinu, there is a description of how,
throughout his life, the Steipler fulfilled the mitzvoh of
veshinantom levonecho, with his son ylct'a HaRav
Chaim Kanievsky. When Reb Chaim was a child and a
bochur, the two learned together every Shabbos, and
during the week as well. When Reb Chaim came home from
yeshiva, they would learn through different topics in the
gemora, as well as entire masechtos.
After Reb Chaim's marriage, they arranged to learn weekly on
Shabbos. They started with the talmud Yerushalmi and
they completed it in its entirety. Then they learned
Mechilto, Sifro, Sifri, Tosefto, Medrash Rabbo and
Medrash Tanchumo. [They would learn one page every
week]. The Steipler kept up this chavruso with his son
even when he was ill and had high fever, and even when he
was suffering tremendously and was extremely weak. He
interrupted it only when he had become ill with his final
sickness, by which time it was simply impossible for him to
learn together any more.
As is known, they ended their final session of learning
together in the middle of Parshas Acharei Mos (at the
end of parsha 7), with Chazal's question, "From where
do we know that the death of tzaddikim atones?" That
was where they stopped.
A String of Pearls
I asked the Steipler, "My young son was injured in a road
accident and is lying in bed with most of his body encased
in a cast. Should I buy games for him to keep him occupied,
or should I perhaps be concerned that by playing so much,
he'll get addicted to games?"
He answered, "You probably don't have money but you still
need to buy the games for him because when a person is not
occupied and is bored, they lose their enjoyment of life. A
child needs to have a zest for life."
The Steipler said that children should not be told imaginary
stories, only true ones, unless they have been told that the
story is untrue.
*
"When a certain talmid chochom passed away at a young
age, I asked the Steipler whether it was permitted to
encourage his young children by telling them that
Moshiach would soon come and their father would rise
again."
"`One musn't say that,' he told me. `One should tell them
that Moshiach could come tomorrow or the next day, or
in a week, or a month, or longer. We don't know when [but
when he does, their father will rise].' "
*
The Steipler was asked about a child whose cheder had
a contest for learning mishnayos by heart. The child
was unable to memorize the mishnayos by heart. Should
he be spurred on to do so?
He answered that there was no need. To the contrary. The
main thing is to understand. The gedolim didn't go to
great lengths to learn things by heart.
The Steipler used to say that children's faces have a
special charm, which disappears when they grow up and sin.
When the Steipler's grandson became bar mitzva he told
him, "When I became bar mitzva, I undertook [to do] a
certain piece of good conduct. (He didn't say what it was.)
You should also take on some piece of good conduct."
He also said that it used to be the custom in Klal
Yisroel that children would see how challoh was
separated and burned inside the oven and how the chickens
were salted. If any query arose while the food was being
prepared the rov would be asked . . . in this way, the
children absorbed a healthy dose of yiras Shomayim.
Today however, when everything is bought with a
hechsher, people don't even know under what conditions
a shailoh needs to be asked.
