I was visiting a family recently and was impressed. Both
parents and every child who was able to read, including two
teenagers, benched from a siddur/bencher. Not
only that, but they seemed to concentrate on what they were
saying and they said it out loud.
How many of us speak while others are benching and
even address them personally? And how often do they reply by
"Nu, nu," or sign language? We would not dream of
interrupting someone during shemone esrei, so why do
we do this during bircas hamozon? We all know the
importance of this mitzva, so why is it so
neglected?
In the second paragraph of Shema, it says, "And you
shall eat and be satisfied," and right after that, "Take heed
to yourself that your heart not be misled..." Rashi there
says that when you have eaten and are satisfied, guard not to
kick. People do not usually rebel against Hashem till they
are sated. Later in the parsha it says, "Lest you eat
and are satisfied... and your heart will be imperious and you
will forget." It seems that even great tzaddikim have
more difficulty in concentrating on bircas hamozon
than on other prayers, as the former is said after partaking
of food and drink.
At the time of the Beis Hamikdash, the altar atoned for our
sins. Nowadays, our table is "before Hashem" to elevate our
gashmiyus meals to a more spiritual level.
How do we get our children to perform this commandment with
the import it warrants? First of all, as with all other types
of education, example plays an important role. A father or
Rebbe who insists on his child taking a bencher while
he, himself, says it by heart, impresses on the child that
grown-ups can bench without a written text. The
question should have read, "How do we get ourselves to
perform this commandment with the importance it warrants?"
The answer: if our children see us benching out loud
from a bencher without raising our eyes to see what is
going on around us, they will learn that in the same way as
they may not disturb Mommy while she is davening shemone
esrei, they may not interrupt during benching.
Furthermore, even very young children can understand the
basic meaning of what they are saying. Hashem provides food
for the creatures in the whole world, from elephants to
little ants. He continues to provide for us through His
chessed, even when we have displeased Him, etc.
Clarification and elucidation, made easy enough for children
to understand, can be found in various commentaries for
almost every word. [Recommended is the YESOD MALCHUS BENCHER
whose translation is typed under the text, phrase by phrase.]
That is not to say that one can pile it on all in one day.
One word or phrase a week will suffice with constant review.
Explain how grateful we have to be for good teeth and a
healthy digestive system, for easy elimination, and that we
are able to enjoy the food. Unfortunately, children nowadays
see and hear of many tragedies and cases of suffering in
their own immediate circles. Unlike the former mythical (to
the children) `starving children in Africa' who would have
been happy to eat what we left on our plates.
Most children enjoy saying Hallel, whether in
shul, school or cheder. I think this is because
they sing it in unison. Many people are amused by families
who sing benching slowly and in unison. I once heard a
visiting child remark out loud to his parents, "Why don't
they get on with it?" when his hosts were singing the
benching word for word. Instead of explaining that
this family was doing a wonderful thing by teaching their
children how to enjoy benching, the father laughed at
his `cute' remark.
When Avrohom Ovinu's guests used to express their gratitude
to him when he provided them with food in the desert, he
always corrected them and told them to thank the One Who
provides for all. Teach children from a very young age that
Mommy cooked the food, or bought it, so it is natural to
thank her. But above all, be grateful to Hashem for giving
her the wherewithal. You have to say `Thank you' to the
person who gives you something. We are not allowed to eat
food without thanking the Giver.
Bircas hamozon encompasses the whole gamut of our
spiritual and material lives, and we mutter our way through
it two or three times a day. There is one letter of the
alef beis which does not appear in benching at
all. Many older children will enjoy finding out that the
phei is missing. Some readers who have never heard of
this may be interested to hear that the Angel of Death who is
known as af or shetzef/ketzef has no power over
us while we are reciting the bircas hamozon (Shulchon
Oruch Tashbetz siman 315).
Telling children some of the well-known stories about
birchas hamozon will also make an impression on them.
For example, the one about Rabba bar bar Chono, an
amora from Bovel, who was always very particular about
benching. He was once traveling through the desert
with a caravan, when the leader of the group hurried them on
after their lunch break. He suddenly remembered that he had
not benched. He wanted to return to the place where
they had eaten, but knew it was too dangerous to travel
alone, if the caravan left him behind, so he asked them to
wait while he retrieved his `golden dove.' They agreed to
tarry as he retraced his steps and benched with great
concentration. He was quite worried about returning empty-
handed, as they would feel that they had waited for nothing.
Hashem valued his devotion to the mitzva and made a
golden dove sprout in his hand, for him to show to his fellow
travelers.
Finally, use a bencher/siddur with bold writing which
appeals to children. Elul is an opportune time to make a
concerted family effort to improve on a particular
mitzva. If yours is not one of those rare families
where parents and children say grace as it should be said,
why not invest in a few NEW bentchers -- you may even
have the children paste them on to a personalized background
or frame -- and start now!
