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27 Tishrei 5764 - October 23, 2003 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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The Average Boy
by A. Ross, M.Ed.

Is there such a person? Most parents feel that their child is outstanding, if not brilliant. Naturally, there are those who do not quite make the grade, and who need constant help just to keep their heads above water. But average, middle of the road, mediocre?

More and more yeshivos now claim that they only take metzuyonim -- outstanding boys. Without a doubt, both the boys and their parents want to enroll in those yeshivos, regardless of whether it is a suitable place for the boy or not. Who wants the stigma of going to a less prestigious yeshiva? Yet not all the boys in the yeshiva-for-outstanding- boys will have phenomenal brains. If it is the wrong yeshiva for them, they will fail there.

In every classroom, there are some really bright boys who get noticed almost immediately. There are some really slow boys, and those, too, come to the teacher's attention before very long. What about the ones in the middle? As an adjective, `average' has negative connotations. However, these boys have nothing negative about them. They do their work conscientiously and call no attention to themselves. In fact, it has been shown that many of these children remain `average' because there is almost no interaction between the teacher and themselves for days, weeks and even months.

A wise woman once remarked to a group of teachers that one can compare the average child to food. He is neither meaty nor milky. He is pareve, and like pareve, can be combined wth meaty or milky, that is, he can achieve great heights or sink to the abyss.

The Chazon Ish said that frequently those boys whom one expected to be really great did not achieve their potential, whereas the boys who were not high achievers but kept their noses to the grindstone year after year became serious talmidei chachomim. Torah learning does not depend only on a sharp brain. Perseverance is at least as important and stories abound of gedolim who were not in the least outstanding in their youth, but achieved their purpose with persistence and tenacity.

Average children know that they are never at the top of the class. There are always five or more boys ahead of them. This is where parents and teachers can either make or break the child. If a teacher says, "So you don't get top marks in tests, but who puts up the chairs in the classroom every day without being asked? You thought nobody knew? We all know how considerate you are, even of the janitor."

Although many, eminently sensible parents are blind as far as their child is concerned, by the time he reaches yeshiva age, they ought to have some idea of his abilities. As mentioned, those children are often ignored in the classroom, because they are neither a nuisance nor so quick on the uptake that they call out answers before the teacher has finished asking the question. If a parent bothers to phone the teacher ever so often, he is not being a pest. He is not complaining in the least, but just asking how the child is getting on. This will cause the teacher to take a little more interest in the boy. Furthermore, when trying to build this child's self esteem, parents should not use overly effusive praise. The child will know full well that it is false. Praise him for his patience with the little ones, for his self control when goaded and not rising to the bait. Praise him for the good traits which he has, his reliability and tidiness.

An interesting piece of research was carried out in America some time ago. A group of streamed high school children were given some tests. The weakest children were told that they had been wrongly streamed as they had gotten amazingly high scores. In an incredibly short time, there was a dramatic improvement in these children's schoolwork and they achieved results which no one had believed possible. These now became the `average' children, while the real average children who were not told that they had scored well in the tests, sank to the bottom of the class. Somehow, there are always these three levels in any given class.

Thus we return to the original question. Is there an average child? Every normal human being can shine at something. If he doesn't get top marks in tests, he will be good at something else. So although exams are a necessary evil in most people's opinion, for an average child, a passing mark is as good as distinction. He has passed and that is all that matters. Rejoice with him and help him build whatever skills he has.

 

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