I have to know
What I'm agreeing to
What I have to do
If I'm going to be able to do it
How I'm going to feel while I'm doing it
If I'm going to like doing it
How long it's going to take me
That's a lot for a child to know.
What will be if I break the contract?
Who cares?
A child lives in the present
He does not look ahead.
*
Parent: Go and tidy your room.
Child: I don't want to.
Parent: If you tidy your room, I will give you chocolate.
Child: So give me the chocolate now.
Parent gives chocolate.
Child starts working.
Ten minutes later:
Child: I can't be bothered doing any more. I'm tired.
A child is not equipped to fulfill contracts. Pay first at
your own risk.
*
Parent: Go and tidy your room.
Child: I don't want to.
Parent: If you tidy your room, I will give you chocolate.
Child: How much?
Parent: Two squares.
Child: No!
A contract makes the child an equal partner in the
decision-making process.
Parent: Do you want to go to bed now or do you want to play
for another ten minutes?
Child: I want to play for another ten minutes.
Ten minutes later
Parent: Okay! Your ten minutes are up. You have to go to bed
now.
Child goes to bed. Parent has won?
No! Parent has lost!
Including the child in the decision-making process makes
the child an equal partner in the decision-making
process.
Parent: Do you want to go to bed now?
Child: Okay.
Child goes to bed. Parent has won? No! Parent has lost!
Requesting permission from the child makes the child the
SENIOR partner in the decision-making process.
*
A child takes the world at face value.
What happens always -- is normal.
If you give him cake every day -- that becomes normal.
If you give him a smack every day -- that becomes normal.
If you want him to appreciate something, you must TEACH
him to appreciate it.
*
A child does not understand relationships.
If you treat him as an equal, he will think he is your
equal.
If he treats you as an equal, he will think he is your
equal.
If he tells you what to do, he will think he is your boss.
Child: I'm thirsty. Give me a drink!
Parent: Okay, here it is.
Parent is teaching child that he is the child's servant.
If you want him to respect you, you must teach him to
respect you.
No one has the right to DEMAND from his environment that the
environment must make him happy.
We WORK for happiness in the Next World.
We PRAY for happiness in this world.
The Jew needs to train himself to find happiness in the
environment he has.
"Who is rich? One who is satisfied with what he has."
Just -- "I want" -- is not a basis for supplying the want.
"I want" means "Gimme, 'cos you must supply me with what I
want, when I want."
A need must be justified.
Fulfilling a greed plants the seed for creating
unnecessary need.
A request must be made as a request: "PLEASE may I
have..."
It recognizes that YOU make the final decision. It paves the
way for gratitude. *
The child is naughty.
"I'm going to punish you!"
He pleads, "I won't do it again."
You say, "You've said that so many times and now you did it
again!"
He pleads, "But this time, I really mean it! I won't do it
again!"
If you reject the plea and punish him, it will teach him that
he cannot repent. If you accept the plea, he is learning to
get away with being naughty and manipulating you.
*
He wakes up moaning, "I don't feel well. I can't go to school
today."
You say, "You said that yesterday. I let you stay home and
then you seemed fine the rest of the day!"
He says, "Oooh, it hurts so much today. I can't go! I can't
go!"
He lies there, writhing in pain.
If you reject the plea and make him go, it will teach him to
be feelingless and cruel. If you accept the plea, he is
learning to get away with excuses and manipulating you.
