I was asked to write this by someone. The only reason I'm
prefacing this article with that statement is because I'm
about to talk about one of my greatest pet peeves and I
wanted you all to know I'm not the only one who feels this
way.
I have refrained from discussing this topic in black and
white because it makes me see red! I'm talking about those
people who would be appalled at using someone's pen without
permission but do not hesitate to take away an hour of
someone's life; people who are sensitive and considerate
about other people's feelings yet keep them waiting in
inclement weather or uncomfortable surroundings; people who
tip the babysitter but come home much later than they
promised; people who wouldn't say a word to offend another
person but cause blood pressure to rise and hair to turn
gray. The list goes on and on and on. I take equal exception
to the people who accommodate this type of behavior by
waiting for people who arrive late instead of starting the
lecture, class or simcha without them.
I understand that different cultures and segments of the
population have different concepts of time. I understand that
occasionally, some delay is inevitable. I understand that
everyone's individual time mechanism (both external and
internal) is different. I understand that it grates on
people's nerves that I am perpetually early (I was born two
months premature). But I can count on one hand the number of
times I was late in my life. One of the times was when I was
in a car accident which, boruch Hashem I survived,
though the car didn't. When I regained consciousness, the
first thing I did, after inquiring about the condition of my
passengers and being reassured on that point, was to call and
explain why I hadn't arrived.
There are entire countries that work like precison
timepieces. Although I wouldn't necessarily want to imitate
their behavior in other areas, we can learn a thing or two
about punctuality from those cultures. The reason these
communities are able to override everyone's individual time
bias is that there are repercussions for being late. If
you're late, you lose out. You miss a train, you miss a
class, an event starts without you, your friends won't wait
and you may even lose your job.
"I'm coming from out of town"; "There was traffic"; "I had to
tend to a child," are all perfectly valid excuses. But that's
what they are: excuses, not reasons. I also come to places
from out of town, get stuck in traffic and have to attend to
a child and I am always at weddings before the bride and
groom.
Even if time isn't money, it's a more precious commodity.
Stealing other people's time is gezel. And if this is
done frequently by someone who knows that this bothers you,
it is even more painful.
One thing that really annoys me is that many times, stores
advertise certain opening hours and then they're closed when
you get to them -- 9:30 a.m. can mean anytime from 9 to 10 to
maybe even 10:30. If the store is across the street, it's no
big deal, but if it's across town and you've planned your day
around patronizing it, it can be very frustrating. Even
though "every delay is for the best," life is difficult and
stressed enough without adding to the pressure.
This also sets off a chain reaction. Not only have you made
the person with whom you have an appointment late for
whatever you're doing together but most likely, you've made
them late for every subsequent appointment that day, creating
an avalanche of disappointment and ill feeling just because
you were "a few minutes late. What's the big deal?"
We've gotten into this vicious cycle of not being true to our
word and not being respectful of others. People say an event
starts at a certain time and it doesn't. People come late to
the event because they know it doesn't start on time. The
chicken and the egg. Only the three minute egg is hard-
boiled.
Since we can't change others and only ourselves, here are
some suggestions for coping with the late birds:
1) If you have friends who consistently come late, give them
an earlier time to put in an appearance and when they
apologize profusely for being late, again, just smile and
say, "No problem." Because it won't be.
2) Whenever you're in charge of some event, start on time
even if you're the only one there. If people understand that
they will be penalized for being late, they'll tend to be
late less often and if they're not, no one else will have to
pay the price.
3) Have a Plan B. You're to meet somewhere at 11:00 o'clock
to go somewhere else. Have an alternate meeting place later,
in case people don't show up for the first one.
4) If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Realize that the people
you've invited are going to be late and allow for a time
warp.
5) If you yourself are someone who has trouble being on time,
set your watch 15 minutes fast. You'd be surprised how this
works!
6) Give positive reinforcement to people who come on time.
Praise, a cup of coffee, maybe even start without waiting.
Someone who is even a minute less late than usual should be
praised for their improvement. People love praise and will
keep coming back for more... early.
7) Leave early and allow for delays. If you are always 15
minutes late, leave 20 minutes earlier than you usually
do.
8) If you're running late, at least call the people who are
depending on you and tell them. Cell phones are great if only
for this reason. When making up a time, tell others about
your weakness. Warn them and say that you're sometimes late
and try not to be.
9) Don't make promises you can't keep. Don't tell someone
you'll be ready at 10 if you can't possibly make it till
twelve. This goes for doctors and therapists who schedule
appointments too close together and force their patients to
wait unnecessarily.
10) Get organized. Buy yourself an appointment book, a
calendar, a list, a diary, a home bulletin board, fridge
magnets etc. and write things down.
11) You don't have to be rushed to be punctual. If you like
to do things in a leisurely manner, schedule appointments
further apart from one another.
12) Spend less time with people who waste yours. You can find
ways to spend time with people you love that don't involve a
time framed activity.
13) Always have something to do while you're waiting. You'll
feel less resentful.
14) Give the person whatever they need to be on time: clear
directions, an exact starting time, a phone call to remind
them, caffeine.
15) Take charge of the situation. If you're going somewhere
with someone who's always late, offer to be the one to pick
them up. It's harder for someone to be late when you're doing
the driving.
16) I sometimes prefer to take taxis or long bus rides and
avoid being late because of someone who was kind enough to
offer me a ride. On the way back it's easier to hitch a ride
home.
17) People are on time for important things. Everyone's on
time for Shabbos and airplanes, no matter how late they
usually are. If you tend to be late, give the event or the
person the significance they deserve and you'll be on time.
If things won't wait, people shouldn't either.
18) Give warnings with that tone of voice that bodes no
compromise. "If you're late again..."
19) Be punctual yourself. People have a harder time
disappointing you if they're sure you're waiting for them.
20) Find out the real time things start. I've started asking
people making chuppas at what time the wedding is
really going to start so that I no longer have to wait for
the chosson-kalla.
Time is always of the essence. May we rush only towards happy
events.
