A modern day Mussar shmuess with a bottom line. Read
that first!
It has always been the tendency for one generation to bemoan
the deterioration of the upcoming generation. Taking this
factor into account, experts in education have seen a
dramatic decline in the learning abilities of students over
the past 25 years. Many truisms no longer ring true and
often, standard educational techniques are no longer
effective.
Furthermore, educators and psychologists are constantly
telling us that we must treat children with kid gloves [pun
intended, Rabbi Zobin?]. We must not criticize them; we must
not be negative; we should constantly try to build them up
and boost their self confidence.
Why must we be so careful with children nowadays?
A glance at our present day environment will show that
children are growing up in a culture which is dramatically
different from any other that has developed in the history of
mankind. This culture does have many advantages over the
others, yet we must be aware of the negative side effects
which seem to be resulting from it.
INSTANT GRATIFICATION
The environment tells you:
Satisfy your Wildest Dream Now. Eat/drink the most delicious
food. Always. Perfect cooking from a Packet. Enjoy Peak
Enjoyment. Experience Continual Thrills.
The ordinary man-in-the-street nowadays enjoys a higher level
of physical gratification than the greatest, most powerful
king of days gone by. He can obtain better food, better
housing, better air conditioning and more efficient heating,
more comfortable furniture, more comfortable matresses,
better quality fabrics, higher level communication or
entertainment (stereo music at all times, even remote
controlled at one fingertip), better transportation, a wider
variety of food than was available anywhere in the world 100
years ago. And he can get most of it at his local supermarket
at prices he can afford, or at the flick of a switch!
The child hears:
It has to be enjoyable now. If I do not enjoy it, there must
be something wrong, either with it or with me.
INSTANT SUPPLY
The environment tells you:
Whatever you need, you can get NOW! It is ready made,
designed exactly to suit your needs and will be delivered to
you by tomorrow morning. There's no point in doing/making it
yourself because the ready made version is cheaper and will
probably be better than you can manage to do.
The child hears:
There's no point in my trying to do anything myself.
I can get it/ he can do it/ for me better/ easier/ cheaper
than I can.
GET IT FREE
The environment tells you:
You can get it free! They're being given away! Grants!
Scholarships! Food Stamps! Cell phones! Special Offer! Get
one free in a packet of cereals! Just save the special
vouchers!
The child hears:
Why should I work for it? It's better to get it free if I
can.
WORLDS OF ILLUSION
The environment tells you:
You can achieve your fulfillment in novels, plays etc. You
can imagine you have all you need and are attaining true
satisfaction. You can build your own worlds and rule them
like a king.
The child hears:
I don't need to do anything. I don't need to relate to this
world.
DISPOSABILITY
The environment tells you:
Use once and throw away. It's not made to last that long. If
it breaks, it's not worth repairing it -- just go out and get
another one.
The child hears:
If I don't work properly, I'll just have to be thrown away.
If you don't work properly, I'll throw you away. [If the
marriage doesn't work properly...] There's no point keeping/
repairing anything or anyone.
INSTANT SUCCESS
The environment tells you:
"You can always expect to be instantly successful in whatever
you attempt to do. It is -- EASY! No effort required! Always
comes out right! User-friendly! Guaranteed results!"
Developments in computer technology are bringing levels of
success to ever higher standards.
The child hears:
If it isn't easy, I can't be doing it correctly. There is
something wrong with me, because I should find it easy to
do.
BANG! BANG! YOU'RE DEAD
The environment tells you:
Life is cheap. Thousands of people are dying/ being killed/
murdered all the time. (This has always been true among non-
Jews but only now, through the introduction of mass media to
Jewish homes, has it become widespread amongst bnei
Torah.)
The child hears:
What am I worth? What are you worth? NOTHING!
PEER RELATIONSHIPS AND INTER-COOPERATION
The environment tells you:
All men are born equal! You need me more than I need you!
Everyone has their RIGHTS!
The child hears:
Who are you to tell me what to do? Why should I be
uncomfortable just so that you can satisfy your needs? Keep
out of my way!
RIGHTS TO RICHES
The environment tells you:
You must get one! Without it, your life is no life! It is
worth sacrificing your time/ home/ relaxation/ children (!)
to earn money to be able to afford the price.
The child hears:
What is really important in this life? A car/ video/ money/
etc. But not me!
EVERYTHING MUST FIT IN WITH ME
The environment tells you:
Is what you're doing YOU? Do you feel comfortable doing it?
If not, then you should not do it, because it does not fit in
with the real YOU! You have to find yourself by looking
within yourself and seeing what is good and fulfilling for
you.
The child hears:
I don't have to try! If it is not easy and enjoyable, it is
not for me. You must adapt your system to fit in with me.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE:
All the conclusions which the child learns from the
environment are additive or cumulative. That means that they
combine together to tell the child:
"It has to be enjoyable now. If I do not enjoy it, there must
be something wrong, either with it or with me. There's no
point in my trying to do anything myself. I can get it/ he
can do it for me better/ easier/ cheaper than I can. Why
should I work for it? It's better to get it free if I can! If
I don't work properly, I'll just have to be thrown away. If
you don't work properly, I'll throw you away. There's no
point keeping/ repairing anything/one. If it isn't easy, I
can't be doing it correctly. There is something wrong with me
because I should find it easy to do. What am I worth? What
are you worth? NOTHING! Who are you to tell me what to do?
Why should I be uncomfortable to satisfy your needs? Keep out
of my way! What is really important in this life? A car/
video/ money/ etc. But not me! I DON'T HAVE TO TRY! If it is
not easy and enjoyable, it is not for me. You must adapt your
system to fit in with me!"
Often, these attitudes are not overtly present. But a comment
of a parent or teacher can act to confirm one or more of
them.
Therefore, a "chance remark', which in former times would
have gone unnoticed, nowadays can trigger an extremely
negative and apparently unreasonably strong reaction in a
child.
To counteract these messages, we need to have a strong
Hashkofa in the house. Just being aware of this
continual bombardment from the environment can help us deal
with it and prevent it affecting our children.
We need to form our OWN environment which will impart Torah-
true values.
